Nasty thread on Mumsnet about a Gransnet thread

Can you do psychology at gcse level these days?

Rosyglow I too wondered about garlic's assertion that quite a few of the MNers who discussed each others' psyches were psychotherapists.
I can't help thinking that anyone suitably qualified would hesitate to make a diagnosis on the basis of what someone had written on an online forum.

So I'm told.

lovely [smle] you have Jingl

Ooh sorry!

It's the info. Not the poster. (Or rather, the no-room-for-doubt way it's put forward) [smle]

To you maybe jingle - go and poke someone else for a change, I find you tiresome.

Quite, Anya - that is too often misquoted.

Perhaps we should all remember that, unless we have been professionally trained in the stuff we spout about.

Same thing. Clever clogs.

'A little learning is a dangerous thing' - Alexander Pope

Garlic, I'm afraid that all your post does is totally reinforce my views regarding arrogant judgements.

I have been a psychotherapist for many years, albeit now retired, and would never presume to offer opinions based on random posts on an Internet forum.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

I don't know if there is any therapy available to help one deal with the unsubstantiated claims of some posters.

Afraid not, Smiles, life's too short. Have you undertaken therapy around your problem?

well that's a strange statement to make GarlicCake "I have seen some very angry dismissals when asked if they've undertaken any therapy around their problems" I haven't seen any angry dismissals, dismissals yes and the reasons why. Could you give a couple of specific examples?

Rosy, I think it's pretty normal for Mumsnetters to offer opinions on the psyche of others in relationship threads. A large majority of those who join in such discussions have been through long-term therapy and have studied the issues. Quite a few are psychotherapists themselves. You will have noticed that these same posters are just as quick to query themselves, and each other. This is how therapy works: by understanding the human psyche, in all its weird & glorious variations.

Obviously no psychologically-informed person would use terms like unhinged or crazy in a therapeutic setting, but they're pretty useful shorthand in everyday parlance! The estranged grans on here use those terms liberally, too, about their children.

Without having read all of the EGPs' posts, I have seen some very angry dismissals when asked if they've undertaken any therapy around their problems. If I'm right in assuming they think they "don't need therapy", this indicates quite a chasm between GN and MN posters. Humility is a healing quality in the long run; it involves self-examination as well as examination of others' motives where possible.

Elegran, I tend to think cross-fertilisation is good for intense discussions ... even though it rarely goes as all parties had hoped

I think one good thing that has come out this is that the posters from the estranged threads are now interacting with a wider selection of other posters than they have for a long time, and some more air has entered the discussion - some of it is rather hot air, but that is inevitable on such an emotional subject..

That is what happens so often - a thread starts with reasonable posts and then they get more and more heated and polarised until the original opinions are swamped..

I have veered from absolute empathy for the posters on the MN thread, to a total sense of disbelief. Not about their treatment at the hands of people who should have made it their life's work to love, protect and guide them. No, the torment they have suffered is plain to see. What I find hard to believe is that people who have suffered so much, can still make generalised judgements about others who are obviously in pain themselves. They don't know these people, but are arrogantly describing their characters as if they do. The words being used....unhinged, crazy etc.....whilst offering their personal opinions on the psyche of these strangers, is not only cruel, but downright dangerous.

I would suggest that the horrors they have obviously suffered, appear not to have left them with any of the very empathy that they themselves are asking for.

Thanks.

obieone any special status due to soops kitchen is due to a general agreement by contributers. The "rules" are that we do not use it as a debating chamber for anything controversial. There are plenty of other threads for that.
It is a place to relax and chat, a sort of safe house for anyone wanting peace and quiet, some humour and sometimes for those wanting a bit of moral support.

St. John's Wort

Katek If you read my post it said; my ND meet up with my estD [her sister] LAST year. So in the year following I can only assume. Saying anti-depressants are addictive is from many, many TV and news paper articles, also from friends & acquaintance, but yes in some cases they maybe needed with doctor supervision . But not in my D case were it is about her husband controlling her. I myself take St.John's Wort, which is a natural mood enhancer, I also take 'Kalms, one-a-night' to help me stay asleep.

Very well said Smileless & Fairydoll

Ionon I was told to "F* Off" by my nasty s.i.l, I have never been given a reason, but I know the reason; jealous, in a nut shell. My s.i.l is a Gypsie, from a huge Gypsie family, very tight-nit. I am a 61yr old women, living on my own, I received death threats, my little westie too, I was so afraid of what I would find when I got in from work. I had panic buttons put in every room and above my bed! My ND is still afraid for my life and is always urging me to move.

notanan
And finally, would you say "you have decided that whatever she does, there is no way she can change to your satisfaction" to someone who had enough of an abusive partner and finally left?

Yes, why wouldn't I, if that was the case and the person leaving had gained the strength to leave and their life improved as a result?
That stance however is not consistent with then in the same breath talking about renewing the relationship with a different dynamic as you did in your earlier posts.

Notanan, I hear what you're saying about apologies. The best ones, IMO, are simple and followed up by change.

Yoga, do you know if ND defended you to estD or tried to change her mind about the CO? Cuz that may have just aggravated estD, and she may now be avoiding her as a result. Maybe not, it's just a thought. Strangely, that would be sort of good cuz it would mean sil wasn't controlling her so much.

FarNorth - Yes! Glad you said this! So true!

"There have been other threads on GN recently, where posters actively encourage someone to cut off contact from a toxic relationship, or tell a GP to alter their attitude and behaviour as it is causing family problems (based on the GP's own description of the situation).
GN is not full of people who feel entitled to grandchildren, but mainly people who are doing their best to get along with their relatives."