Give up or carry on - contact with grandchildren

A horrible situation for you to be in and you are obviously doing your utmost to sort things out but - and I stress this - maybe taking a step back now would be the best thing for these children. Not for you, granted, but for the children. Continue sending postcards as and when you want to, birthday presents and cards, Christmas presents etc, but don't push things any further at this time. Let the land settle a little - enjoy the grandchildren that you do have contact with - keep the others in mind and talk about them (in a happy way) to their cousins but stop any conflict now. Sometimes the "easier option" is the most difficult one to take but can be the best for all concerned. My very best wishes go to you at this difficult time.

A very difficult time for you SJP, but I agree take a step back and as your DS said if contact is sporadic then sadly thats the way it must be. You most certainly don't want to alienate the Mother totally as she could decide to stop contact altogether. Sadly in the eyes of the law GP's have no rights to access to their GC. Theu are lots of sad stories on here of alienated GP's. Sorry if this sounds harsh but for me sporadic contact is better than no contact.

I am so sorry SJP, you must be heartbroken. Think you have no alternative but to go along with your sons request. I do wonder if your gifts could go via him, if you are unsure if the mother is passing them on. It is only a thought, he may no want that. Good luck, it is so difficult not to be involved in their lives, but you never forget people that love you, they won't either.x

Why was the court order terminated after 12 months? Is that just your court order or your sons too? Does your son still see the children and who surprises that?

If your son is only allowed supervised contact then it's going to be tricky for you to see them if you're not allowed to support the meetings and he's not allowed the children by himself.

The fact you have a bad relationship with the child's mother and you both clearly dislike each other then that's even more tricky.

Could you apply for another court order to supervise the contact?

Supervises! Sorry hate this stupid predictive text

Hello SJP - My DS and I last saw his baby daughter in August 2015 when she was just 10 weeks old. Her Mum has denied DS access and therefore me too. He is going through his solicitor and it is looking a bit more promising now. There is no reason why he shouldn't see his baby. Rather than send her presents I bought a lovely big pretty box from TKMaxx and I put things in there for her in the hope that one day I can give them to her. I sent her a card at Christmas but bought 2 and wrote the same message in each and put one in the box. I call it her Treasure Box. Tomorrow is her 1st Birthday and I went out today and bought her some presents then wrapped them and they are now in the box. It makes me feel better and gives me some hope. Even if she is grown up when she gets them, she will know that Grandma loved her. I hope things resolve for you eventually. It is heartbreaking.

Hello SJP, I was going to make a suggestion but UkeCan has beaten me to it
When faced with these situations with parents and grandparents I have suggested just that...keep a notebook and put in it when you're thinking about the child, copies of letters or cards and photos of gifts you've sent.
Many people have found it helpful and when children get to see it they know they've been very much loved, despite what they've been told.
I wonder if the parents of your other grandchildren might be able to speak to this mum and encourage a renewal of contact? I hope it works out well for you.

I would still maintain quiet loving contact via cards,small gifts,letters etc. The children need to know that they're loved ( although as you say , you don't know if Mother passes on that love )
My daughter's oldest 2 children have a different father to her second brood. Her son was crying yesterday that he doesn't have a father ( he does but due to the relationship between the parents , the contact stopped) .The wee boy now wants his Dad . All so sad .
Love to all today x .

I'm looking for advice regarding my twin granddaughters who are nearly 5 years old. I am no longer on speaking terms with their dad. He is making it as difficult as possible to see them. He has told them I'm not their real Gran and that he hates me. I am in a turmoil as the rest of my family have advised me to walk away because it is destroying me. Their parents are playing mind games and using them to hurt me which is not fair on the girls. I do not want them to suffer but I don't know how much more I can take. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

My heart goes out to you, SJP and your GC!

Love Uke's idea!

Family mediation sounds good, but will mum and ds agree to it? Iv often read where many parents won't do mediation with gps, as they feel they don't have to since they have authority over the children and the parents don't. You can try, but please don't be disappointed if they refuse it.

My heart goes out to you, too, Giggsy. What a dilemma! But this sentence for me is key: "He is making it as difficult as possible to see them." That sounds as if you do get to see them sometimes. Perhaps it would be best to just accept whatever visits you get, even if very brief. That way, you don't "walk way entirely," but won't be fighting the parents either. Make sense?

What kinds of "mind games" do the parents play? Is it possible not to get caught up in them?

It sounds as if the dad is very angry at you. Do you have any idea why? Maybe he just needs some time to cool down? Idk if you have to "walk away" completely, but again, maybe backing off as much as possible would be the best idea for now?