I don't know how I feel.

Thankyou all. Her own Mother died about 13 years ago in her 50s and my DiL has always turned to me for help and support. I do feel lucky actually.

Your ex dil said when they have told their family members they will spend the weekend making wedding plans. She told you so she must obviously still think of you as a family member. I can only congratulate you on the relationship you have managed to maintain. By all means have a good weep for what might have been but then dry your eyes and give yourself a massive pat on the back. You really deserve it

ann It's wonderful that you have maintained such a good relationship with your DiL, you must have felt very torn at times. It's also wonderful that your DiL felt so comfortable with your relationship that she could tell you her news. I'm sure that there are many DiLs who would be filled with trepidation at the possible reaction of their ex-MiL! You must have so many emotions running through your mind with all that you have to cope with at the moment, no wonder you are tearful. I love the 'tax break' comment!

Sadness for what might have been, but you and ex DiL deserve praise for putting the children first in the situation, and the bonus has been the affection you both obviously have for each other. It was kind and thoughtful of your ex DiL to call you before others, she obviously didnt want you hearing the good news from a third party. You have all shown the children a great example of how to behave when things go wrong in a relationship. It would be lovely if others could act the same.

Everyone else has said it ann and, with the difficulties you face, it is of great credit to you that you have managed the relationship so well.

Well done ann for having such a good relationship with her that she rang to tell you her news
The sadness will pass, and hopefully you will all continue as 'family'.
I'm just beginning that journey with my soon to be ex dil, and I know already, how difficult it is to be friendly and helpful in the face of disloyalty.
The children are the ones who benefit most, and that's how it should be.

Well done again, you are clearly a lovely person doing a good job in very difficult personal circumstances xx

Always a lighter side to every situation. I have just told my son, and bearing in mind the couple both have well paid jobs, he shrugged and said " there will be a tax break in it somehow" !!

I completely agree with the others annsixty. It is lovely you are still a part of their lives. I hope you feel brighter very soon.

It's all been said, ann60. You have been a wonderful grandma and treated your ex DiL has remained one of your family. She obviously treasures the relationship since she called you before she told other family members. I've been through something similar, though the relationship is now rather tenuous and my GD is adult and has flown the nest.

It's hard to face up to shattered dreams and the loss of what might have been. It's so good that you've been able to keep a good relationship with her and your grandchildren, what a compliment to you that she felt able to share her moment of happiness with you.They are fortunate to have such a loving person in their family. I guess it's all the harder when things at home are challenging for you too. Hope you're able to be kind to yourself today

"All" Alea hadn't posted at that moment.

Oh thank you both. I thought I should post under AIBU which of course I am but the "what might have been" is forefront in my mind.

Sadness at the nature of the divorce is completely understandable and perhaps this is reminding you of the "what might have been".
Be glad for her but although by formalising her present relationship she is moving on, but she is not abandoning you, and if your relationship stays as good as it has been, your relationship with the DGC will remain strong.
You are going through so much at the moment, some tears are entirely forgivable!

You have done so well to maintain that good relationship - a pat on the back is due I think.

You are bound to have mixed feelings at this news. In spite of all the time that has passed, it suddenly brings to the fore all the "might-have-beens" with your son. Have a good weep, then pick yourself up and continue on the road you have done so far to good effect. Your GC will have learned a valuable lesson in tolerance from the fact that you have managed to maintain a relationship with your DIL and with them. You will move on from this jolt I am sure - and well done you.

That's natural Ann to feel like that, it's marking the end of an era, ie. Your son's marriage.Have a few tears and then try and move on.?