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Loving can hurt

(85 Posts)
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Luckygirl Wed 15-Jun-16 09:27:25

It is the price we pay for the precious close relationships that we have with those we love.

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Marmark1 Wed 15-Jun-16 09:25:09

I'm one of a very close family.Prick one and we all bleed.

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PRINTMISS Wed 15-Jun-16 08:41:01

I think it is the feeling of inadequacy isn't it, there is absolutely nothing you can do to make things better, except be there.

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grannylyn65 Wed 15-Jun-16 08:37:17

Anya, in which case I am deeply sad.

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Indinana Wed 15-Jun-16 07:25:41

I think many of us can empathise with this feeling - I certainly can. Neirher of my DC's lives have turned out as they hoped relationship wise. And it has continually hurt me deeply to see them hurt when there is nothing I can do. Anya puts it well - so very true.

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kittylester Wed 15-Jun-16 07:18:15

morethan, I empathise too. They don't tell you about that bit of parenting do they? sad

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annsixty Wed 15-Jun-16 07:18:14

Oh yes I know that so well. Both of my children have broken marriages to my great distress and although my own marriage is now a carer and caree (is that a word?) it has been , in the past, a very loving one and we were great friends as well.
To see my adult C so unhappy is devastating and no matter how old they are we cannot let go of those feelings.
As, when they were children, we still want to be able " to make it better" but now we can't and it hurts.

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ninathenana Wed 15-Jun-16 07:13:30

morethan I empathise.
D' s disastrous marriage has caused me tears on several occasions, usually when her ex is using the GC as pawns.I've cried with her and in private.
They will always be our babies. flowers

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Anya Wed 15-Jun-16 07:05:29

There's a school of thought morethan2 which says you are only as happy as your unhappiest child. I believe this is true and it's what you are experiencing now (((hugs)))

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morethan2 Wed 15-Jun-16 06:41:12

Most of the women at work have grown up children and we were chatting about how we feel when our children are hurt in some way, emotionally, physically, or even just dissapointed. It made me remember how I felt some years back when I was estranged from my teenage daughter. A very close friend saw my ongoing distress and because she was upset blurted out " if anything happens to you I'm going to tell her just how much she's hurt you and the damage she's done" I remember begging her and making her and others promise never ever to tell her. I just couldn't bear the thought of her carrying that terrible burden and what it would do to her. On another occasion one of my sons found out his then partner (now wife) had been unfaithful. I can still see his face full of hurt and I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest. Currently my oldest son is having a terrible time. He's dealing with it admirably but the mask comes off when he's here with me and the fear and pain are written all over him. He doesn't cry but he's constantly on the brink. It stabs at my heart, I'm somtimes ashamed of how I feel I think to myself " he's over forty get over it" This wonderful amazing love we have for for our children never ceases to amaze me and seeing them in pain is just the worst thing and the hurt washes over me like a great wave. Obviously I don't ever share these feelings with my children and I'm not a clinging mother. They all lead independent lives and I have really good grown up relationship with them all. This fierce protective mothering instinct that comes to us almost at the start of conception must never leave us and at times can cause great pain(and the greatest love) do others feel the same as myself and my colleagues?

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