Loving can hurt

Thanks x

Biddysue it's so horrible being torn in two like this. I think your right your love will bring your son back at somtime in the future. Just hold on tight till then. Your son probably feels in an impossible situation too. It's unreasonable to expect you to abandon your grandchildren and deep down he probably knows that. My instinct is that the new girlfriend is a bit of a jealous bitch silly women. You'll find support here if it gets too much to bear alone.

Mollydolly. How awful for you both, luckily your DD has you in her life to help and support her. Feel free to chat, you don't have to suffer in silence. We are all here for you.

Give it time Biddysue and hopefully you can have good relationships with all three and the grandkids. Wishing you well.x

I love my DS very much but over the last couple of years he has started to distance himself from us. Last year he left his wife for another woman . i first was so anxious that I thought I would not see my two GS so have kept on friendly terms with my DiL and tried to keep in friendly contact with my DS and his girlfriend. I know he has been very stressed and does not look well . I worry so much about how my GS are as their other maternal GD died just before my DS left. Now the new girlfriend has been upset because my DiL brought the Two GS to see us and says our loyalties lie with our DiL . My DS says he does not want her upset so will keep away. I just don't know who my DS is now and am distraught that we have been abandoned by him. Hopefully our love will conquer in time

When my children were small, born 2 years apart, I remember stressing to my mother about the housework etc. and she said something which has stayed with me all my life- "at the moment they're lap-heavy, but as they grow up, they become heart-heavy."
Words of wisdom indeed!

My 22 year old granddaughter is once again in the throes of anorexia, this disease 1st began at age 14. She was sectioned many times spent 3 years in and out of The Priory, she has just graduated with a 2-1 degree from Bristol University and is devastated as she thought she would get a 1st. My daughter is at her wits end to know what to do with my grandchild I am ill with worrying about daughter and granddaughter therapy has helped but now she refuses to seek anymore.

It's very strange, but I was feeling these very painful feelings I get when my daughters feel pain and disappointments, only to have a look at Gransnet and found this thread. I have been in tears reading such sad experiences some of you have. Mine seem trivial in comparison - as yet. So hugs to you all.

I think it was on my mind thinking about the poor little boy who was snatched my the alligator and to thinking he must also have grannies!! Hardly dare go there.

I heard it said somewhere that the bond between parent and child is the strongest bond in the Universe. I have mentioned this to both daughter's when they were pregnant. But, like the majority of gransnetters, don't let them know when I hurt for them as don't want to burden them. I pray I don't have to experience such sadness that so many of you have. I don't know how you cope. xxx to all

Granby your post was so beautiful it justified it's 5x posting.

I remember my mother-in-law saying to me when my oldest son was born: "now you're in for a lifetime of worry". I thought she was being over-dramatic!

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

When one of my children was going through a particularly bad time I said to a friend, 'When does this end?' He said, 'Oh dear, didn't you know? it never does.' He was right.

However, it's good to know from all the Grans netters that we are not strange or different. If we could take their pain we would.

Agree totally with the strong feelings we have for our children. My feelings for my growing up very fast grandchildren, are exactly the same as my children too ?

i find it v hard to cope with the pain and knocks my children go through ..It affects me very very deeply, I am always supportive and do everything to help but sometimes I wish i didn't know. Its been enlightening to realise that it's normal to feel this way X

Sorry meant I have sons ,

Mollydolly feel so sad for you and I'm sending you a mothers hug! We love and nurture our children then set them free into the big world all we can do is hide our fears and be there for when they need us. My sister has been going through an awful time with her one and only daughter and as her sister can only listen and comfort. Inhale sons and they are ok T the moment but all I can do is pray it remains that way x

lizzypopbottle Thank you so much petal. Very much appreciated xxx

My mum said children were nothing but trouble,but I went on to have one of my own!
My mum despite what she said would have walked into hell for her children,and she always only wanted the best for us.
I've seen my daughter in the such pain I can't tell you how much that hurt.but the joy that dd and gc have brought to my life is immeasurable.
I think my mum chose her words poorly,I think she meant that children are nothing but worry,she just forgot to say they are also the greatest joy in life!

? to all....I echo the messages of others, that being a Mother is a job for life, something you don't realise when younger.

My story is different in that it is my granddaughter who is the one going through a breakup and her pain is breaking my heart. I became her legal guardian when I was 60 and she was 2years and 8 months old. She is now 21, and a few months ago she moved into a flat with her boyfriend. After a few weeks it all fell apart, he moved out and left her with all the bills to pay, except for half the rent which he had to pay because the lease was in joint names. I have had to bail her out each month because she was so devastated she was being treated for depression, and couldn't go to work. I can't sleep worrying about her, I'm so afraid she will do something drastic. She won't talk about it, and doesn't come to see me as much as she used to. I think that when things go wrong with a family member it is harder to cope with than if it happens to yourself.

Thank you so much to everyone who has passed on such kind messages I can't begin to say how much it means to me.