Alzheimer's and living with it.

My mother of 95, who lives with us, has vascular dementia. My darling husband is just wonderful and I couldn't look after her without him. But the reason for this post is to tell you that we are involved with Shared Lives, which is run by the Council. It provides respite care for us. Mum goes to a lovely family where she has been adopted as another granny. It means that we can get away for a weekend or a week and not have to worry about Mum and her safety. It means such a lot to have some freedom. At first you feel guilty but you begin to realise that it is important that you, as his carer, are as fit mentally and physically as you possible can be. You have my best wishes to add to all the others on this site.

I was in your position 15 years ago Ann, I know how hard it is. My husband was diagnosed when he was 52 but he'd had Alzheimer's for two years by then. He's 66 next month and has been in a nursing home for many years now but I remember very well what it was like when I was caring for him at home. It's heartbreaking and it's draining and it will get to you sometimes. Make sure you get time for yourself and most importantly, sleep. I hope you are getting all the help that you can.
Please pm me if you want..... xx

It really is the cruelest thing, to lose that person you love to Alzeimers, I really feel for you and hope you are given the strength to carry on whilst taking care of your own health. Know words can not really help, but I do admire you and all those loving people that have to live with this.

I am so deeply sorry X

Are you getting all the support that you can? There are carer support schemes around that give you the opportunity to go out and have normal conversations - I know how hard it is for you and how much you must miss this. And you must miss the companionship that you had with your OH - so very very hard I know. There but not there. A very cruel illness.

You do so well - always ready to join in the conversations on here and to share your thoughts with others who have troubles. You really are allowed to feel sorry for yourself at times - everyone understands.

Take care and know that we are all thinking of you.

Dear ann I can add little to what the others have said, but you know my heart goes out to you. Today DH had an optician's appointment and I found out it was immediately after my friend's DH who has Alzheimer's and has given up driving so I drove all 4 of us the 3 miles to the little town where our optician's is.
It would have been so nice for the 4 of us to go out to lunch together, but DH was too "out of energy" to out and my friend's husband can't cope with much conversation as he no longer remembers who we are. Fortunately my friend and I see each other at least once a week, she too finds life very lonely.

ann it is an awful disease for your H and also for yourself because you have to be there 24/7 and rarely get a moment to yourself. You know that we are with you. As MiniMouse said, it is so draining in every way and there is no light at the end of the tunnel

ann Please make sure that you access help when it becomes necessary - for you not just your DH. It can feel a very lonely road at times. You must get so drained both physically and mentally, especially emotionally.

ann I have just spent last week looking at dementia homes for my brother who will be in one within the next week or so. It has now got to the point where care can no longer be provided at home and the decision has to be made. He is beyond most things now and has not been able to hold a conversation or even hold a thought for a long time now. I am so sorry for the sadness you must feel at the loss of the man your DH once was but if it is any consolation, despite the fact that he cannot communicate or do anything for himself, I can still see the essence of the humour that he once had and with the lift of an eyebrow he can display the same self depricating charm he always had. It is also clear that he still loves my SIL vey much even if that cannot be put into words.

Enjoy every moment you can. True love is always there even if it remains unspoken.

Thank you all. We are in our separate bedrooms now, he is asleep and I get an hour to do E- mails and read . I also do this in the morning when I brew my tea in my teasmade, it gives me time to gather myself I do know I am one of many , so get on with it, but the loss of my H as I knew him is so hard.

Oh ann ? I can only try to imagine how difficult, frustrating and lonely it must be for you ((hugs))

Your husband is lucky to have you looking after him. Try and enjoy the good memories and make the most of your trips out. Wishing you peace and strength.

Enjoy yourself tomorrow xxxxxx

(((Hugs))) ann. You do brilliantly and I can't imagine how you manage with out you DH 'with' you.

You know we are here for you and are happy to listen to you anytime.

It must be awful annsixty along with dealing with with everything else to not be able to share all your memories that you made together must be so upsetting. Your entitled to feel sorry for yourself. I hope your little jaunt with your friend tommorow helps.

??????I am so sorry for your current situation. For you and for your DH . I can't offer any words of advice or wisdom except to say I wish there was something I could do beyond sending you virtual flowers and wine

My Dad had Alzheimer's along with vascular dementia. He lost words and was very frustrated when trying to communicate. Best wishes to you Ann. ???

. I have nothing I can add, but I do feel for you.

Ann, I am so sorry. My mum had this illness. I wish you strength and peace. ?

I must say I really hate to dwell on my situation but it just got to me this evening that
I haven't had a decent conversation for days. Tomorrow I will get out for hour and a half with a friend who very kindly takes me out for a coffee every week but last week I had had a procedure on my eye and couldn't go out in sunlight..
I hate feeling sorry for myself as I know I am far from alone but tonight it has got to me.

ann I feel for you Alzheimer's is so very cruel especially for the family x

Oh ann what a bugger of disease it is. I think everyone of us fears either getting it personally or hubby getting it. My heart goes out to you both.