Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

Morning Girls

No reply from Son

Thanks for message C

Yogagirl heart goes out to you will pain ever end.

Will pm you

Got to say Dominic Kirwan was fantastic last night and Gra bless him has booked for us to see him xmas show on Dec 11th having lunch with friend first yipeee.

Ucan You can still treasure your children's childhood, you don't have to get rid of the happy memories, they still happened, they were still happy good times for you and your children, so look back on them as your own little treasure chest of happy memories. I still have a big picture of my estD on the landing, with a print of her hand, tucked into the side with a lovely poem, my ND say's 'I'm surprised you don't take that pic down of J', and I reply that it was when I loved her and she loved me back, so happy times to remember.

Hi Girls

Well today is my Son's 30th Birthday, so a mile-stone! I sent him a 'happy birthday' email this morning, with the letter I wrote in the week attached, I take it he would know how to open it. I wrote this morning, again, how I miss him and that I'd love him to get in touch; phone or even better, visit. I ended by saying 'Now you are 30th, you should be able to distinguish between those that love you and those that just use you.' Again my ND would be throwing her arms up in horror saying ' No, mum!' but how do you ignore the elephant in the room [?] I'll let you know if I get a reply.

Cuppuccina welcome, and so sorry about your estD. We all here, like you, didn't do anything to deserve this estrangement, so your in good company, stay with us for support

Celebgran 10 lengths! well done you and good news your tests came back negative

Smileless hope you are enjoying your last weeks in Florida. I thought the same thoughts the other day, regarding it being sooo long now, that it is getting ever more unlikely that this estrangement will end

I woke at 3.30am this morning, my Son was born at 3.34am, in the light of a full moon. Couldn't get back to sleep again, been bad this week, as it was this time of year when it all happened, 4years ago I did a naughty thing and searched on FB for my Son, as it's his b/day, nothing came up, but strangely, a pic of my Son & GD L** popped up, at his place near his Uni, so must have been just before the cut-out.

Ucan hope you are feeling a bit more up-beat today, same as my Son; following into estrangement, so par for the course! The best thing in my life were my C&GC and I too was a good kind gentle mum, but it seems to me that we are just the sort of mum's that get 'cut out' the rotten mums seem to have their C falling all over themselves to please their mums, so work that one out!

Good weekend all xx

Hi, I haven't been on here for a couple of weeks. Just been too down in the dumps. Yogagirl I read your letter and my heart goes out to you. Why are we all in this situation. It just beggars belief!
For her 40th Birthday 3 weeks ago, I ended up - after much deliberation - sending my ED a lovely card, a short but meaningful message and a gift card for her favourite shop. I'm glad I did it as it gave me peace of mind that I had done something to mark her birthday and if I hadn't I would never have felt settled. However, she didn't acknowledge it and I had it tracked to make sure she had actually received it. I wasn't expecting a response but part of me hoped she would at least say thankyou. At least she hasn't sent them back to me.
I feel that all my lovely, happy memories of my children's childhood have been stolen and I feel I don't have the right anymore to enjoy them. It's like my life as a Mum has been a sham. Yet all I ever wanted was to be a Mum and I loved every minute of it and I know I was good, caring Mum to them.
I keep trying to get on with my life but now my son has turned on me too. I now have one DD who I am very close to and she has no contact with her siblings anymore because they were so abusive to her and she couldn't cope with their nasty, controlling behaviour. When I look back over my life I just can't believe how it has turned out.

In agreement damn iPad

Smileless I am 100% in Greece to with that they have taken more than anyone has an right to and we yes definitely have to make the best of what we have,left.

Sorry iPad frozen again!

However we don't want to make life difficult for her despite her total lack fo compassion for us. I just wish like you yogagirl thatmwe could reconcile but my head tells me extremely unlikely.

On brighter note I made it to acquacise and swam 10 lengths, also car was sorted the door caught wind when I opened it few weeks ago and was making horrid noise, needed new part lucky under warranty,

Smileless sadly you are right things can never be the same again.

Oh well we got my dear nephew wife and little ones visittting next week I will have to make my lemons cake???

? enjoying??it's been stressful time

Capauccacinko so sorry u I this sad boat we suport each other tremendously on here and have done for years sadly nearly 8 years for me,?

Hi ladies thanks ygagirl I am lot better and so relieved my ovariesmtest was clear!

Had few tears tonight as we asked mediators to write to our daughter no response and we have To decide wether to go ahead with it and court application I doubt we will butmwe have been told it will go decidedly against our daughter refusing to medi

You are welcome Cappuccinahow I wish that you weren't living this same nightmare.

We all understand your pain because it's ours too and as you'll have seen from the posts we all try different ways of coping with our loss, this living bereavement as it's so aptly called.

I understand your fear that your estrangement can never be rectified because it's gone on for so long. Ours has been 4 years and for some it is much longer. The fear that the rift with our son will never be healed has left me now; I've accepted that our relationship is over and have begun to heal.

As for our GC, I hope that one day when they're older they will seek us out and we will get to know them, if only for a short time.

Our love for our children is unconditional but I think that for some adult children that's misconstrued. It means that we will continue to love them in spite of what they do, it does not mean that we will allow them to tear us apart, body and soul; nor should we.

I believe that there comes a time for all parents who've been abandoned by their adult children when enough is enough. The deafening silence, the constant shunning and the myriad of ignored letters, telephone calls, texts, FB messages, gifts and cards needs to end. We have our lives to live, they've taken more than anyone has the right to take and we need to make the best of what we have left.

Hi everyone, I'm new here to the forum and was very pleased (but sad) to find this supportive thread for estranged families. I'll keep my intro short but I have 2 daughters (31 & 27) both married with a child each. The eldest has always been 'odd' and since she left home for university decided to estrange herself from the rest of the family. Over the years she would pop back into our lives and even invited us to her wedding, then went off again into her bubble. She now has a 2 year old child that none of us have met. My younger daughter is still trying to make contact with her sister which, from time to time, she acknowledges. My love is unconditional and as this stems from nothing, I can't apologise or put anything right that never occurred. Over the years I've tried writing, phoning, texting, FB messaging, sending gifts etc but I never get a response
My fear is that this has gone on so long, the rift will never heal and I'll never get to meet my grandchild.

Thank you Smileless My ND took a look at my email and halved the footnote, as I thought she would, but I think I will put a little bit of it back, leaving out the nasty gypsy bit, as they do know they have damaged, not just my GD, but my D too.

The sadness never goes, does it, and as you say S it can never go back to how it was, but I so wish for a reconciliation. All the Xmas things are appearing in the shops now. Xmas morning used to be so magical, little L would be phoning me, saying "His been, his been, Father Xmas has been!" now, she doesn't even know who I am, I just cannot believe my estD is happy, we were so close, surely on Xmas morning she misses her Mum & Sister, and on her Birthday that's just before, we used to make such a big fuss of her

Hope you're feeling better Celebgran

*Yogagirl*(sorry this is in bold, can't get rid of it.

As you all know, I emailed ES a couple of months ago to say goodbye. I reminded him of some of the awful things he's said and done in particular taking away our only GC. I didn't tell him how devastating his rejection of us has been. If he doesn't know, if he's become too cold to acknowledge the pain he's caused, I'm not wasting my time telling him.

I will always love him, he's my child how can I not but I don't like what he's become. There's no room in my life for his cruelty, his hatred, his desire to cause us as much pain and suffering as he can.

My life will never be the same now that he's gone but it is my life and I want to live it with those who love me in return, who will be there for me as I am for them.

My son has become my enemy, there is no place in my life for him now but I will treasure the memories of what we had, of how he used to be forever. Maybe one day he'll remember too, how it really was but it can only ever be a memory. We could never get back what's been lost; it's been destroyed. I never thought it ever could be but now I understand that he was the only one who could have destroyed it, I just never thought he would.

I hope that if your son responds, he does so with love Yogagirl.

Celebgran Yes I do have email add. I sent him a happy Xmas message last year, reminiscing about Xmas past. I did the same for this b/day message, starting with the day he was born, going to the hospital with a full moon in front of me, and then onto all the happy mile stones in his life. The Xmas one/ I was shocked to get a reply, but I knew he was being sarcastic when he wrote 'Oh, how touching!' I replied, saying I would phone him if he gave me his ph no. but of course no reply I think if he doesn't reply this time [said this before] then I'll not contact him again, but hard to follow through on his birthday and Xmas morning. My estD I have nothing; no email, home address or ph no.

Luckylegs I've yet to show the email to my ND, I'm sure she will throw her hands up in horror and say 'No, mum!' My friend said the same as you L I did intend sending just the happy birthday message, and then a separate attachment about this soul destroying estrangement, stating 'to be opened another day', but then put the 'footnote' at the bottom, which is a much more condensed version of what would have ended up being a 5 page mini novel Perhaps I'll put the footnote in an attachment then. But I just thought, how can I send a message and not mention the estrangement, as if it doesn't egcist! I do appreciate you advise, thank you.

Luckylegs - agree with you about the hairdresser`s - I rarely wear makeup but have to put on the full slap when I get my hair cut - too depressing looking in the mirror otherwise!!

Yoga girl, what you have written to your son is from the heart I know that. However, as one who has tried everything and poured my heart out, I now wish I hadn't. Out yesterday with friends I thought to myself, I feel a lesser person because of my estrangement, it is making into someone I don't want to be, looking back and rerunning everything. Nothing has worked. If you send an e mail I would wish him a happy birthday and just say every moment he is missed, that you miss both your children, the door is open and always will be. Of course you have to do what you feel is right,mi know that.
I will end up end up permenently depressed if I carry on as I am, it will make no difference to her, just more reason not to be in my life. I am looking at taking lots of holidays, meeting new people, I'm not getting any younger so the white flag has gone up, whatever the rights and wrongs there is no way on earth it is sortable from my end, to those of you with other children or still have their other half, I would urge you to conscentrate on them, not the one or ones that got away.
Had a funky new hair cut yesterday, what a change from how it's always been, but isn't it awful sitting in that chair with wet hair and all your life etched in your face, looking at the youngster who is attending to you.
Just on the fruit again for two days I have put on 4lbs just because I eat the house out at the weekend, I won't get in my holiday clothes at this rate.

Yogagirl that is lovely message do you have email address?

My heart goes out to you.

I feel very much like contacting Tor but Gra reminds me of her driving away from us last April when she was so ill.

We are stuck with the pain aren't we?

Doesn't help my son's partner just put on Facebook they have withdrawn offer for house she messaged me afterward, ?So damn rude especially all help we given them.

Just added this to the bottom of my Son's email;
and a mother that didn't protect her.

Just to make clear to those who don't know; G is my Son that followed his sister, my now estD into estrangement, L is my estD's D, my beloved GD

Thank you Luckylegs for your kind words.

Morning Girls

I haven't read the posts this morning, I'll go back in a mo. but wanted to share the last part of my email to my Son, that I will send him on his 30th Birthday this Saturday;

From all those happy times, to this estrangement, for what [?] I was a good, kind mother to you, loved you with all of my heart & soul and did my best to make your childhood and young adulthood a happy one. I miss you very much, as does S. Come back to us G we love you. I cry every single day over this estrangement; my eyes may not tear but my heart cries each and every day!
The next big occasion will be S & J’s wedding day. To think you would have been walking S down the aisle, what an honour, what a memory, what a wonderful story to tell your children & grandchildren! Little C is an absolute joy to behold, you would love her and she would love her uncle G too, come and visit her, your baby niece, you should be part of her life, as well as ours, your family that love you so.
I really hope you have a fantastic 30th Birthday celebration, I will be thinking of you. God Bless and take care of yourself.
With all my love
Mum XXX
Footnote
Four years of grieving for my children & grandchildren has taken a massive toll on your old mum. If we ever do meet up again, you will find a very different person, a mother with a heart broken into a thousand pieces, a soul that cries in pain, I can never recover from this, even if we all reunited, it’s not possible to mend a heart broken as much as mine is. L too is a different little girl to the one she would have been, a little girl that was the most loved, cherished, adored & treasured granddaughter/niece in the whole wide world, taken to be an unloved step-daughter in a family of cruel heartless gypsies. They know the damage they have done to L and they don’t care, she’s not their daughter or granddaughter! They took away her name, they took that little girls identity! L will look for her real family one day, she will take back her name and look at those that took so much from her and she will not like what she sees, her stepdad wanting only his son to get love.

It is awful to have 2 kids Estranged so sorry yogagirl

Very good advice lucklegs.

We had great weekend and lovely visit to our dear nephew wife fri but expect because I have been feeling so rough feel unexpectedly low,

Off dr shortly get blood test results hope my ovaries are ok ?Keep thinking of my dear mum r.i.p..

Blow me tooth mext to on hadmextracted feels uncomfortable ? can't take much more.

New pump we had fitted this year is making weird noises bathroom centre didn't call back, the original fitter embezzled cash we gave him from company.

Yes we had had difficult year but still breathing just, !

Yogagirl, I didn't realise you didn't have anyway of contacting your son.that is so awful. At least with me I know where my daughter is.On Saturday, your sons birthday, surely he will think of the person who gave him life. It makes me want to cry thinking how you will feel, there is nothing more wonderful than giving birth and holding that baby. Make Saturday special, go out see someone you care about, treat yourself. He is in the world because of you and hopefully glad he is, for that at least you can be happy. One day he might realise that. So ???? and splash the cash on yourself.

Sadly that is very true eddiecat

My niece did that stopped her partner seeing all 3 children with lot of made up spiteful lies and police believed her I think it is disgraceful.

He needs be v careful. In u K. Police tend to favour mother I suppose they have to err on cautious side,

Son definitely would be better off without her but he knows if he leaves she will make it very difficult for him to see the children. I agree that he would get legal access but we all know of circumstances where the mother makes access virtually impossible if she decides to be spiteful

Aagh lucklegs younare right not worth worrying over meanies at club. Try keep dropping in for chat

Eddie cat how very worrying for you intend agree with yogagirl your son may be better off making break from her

My son not even rung see how I am for last 2 weekends?It is bit upsetting especially when we lent him so much dosh. We kinda guess his partner is all talk but he is normally pretty good since the estrangement.

Certainly find out who our friends are since I been ill.

Dr tomorrow get blood test results. 8.30 have drop husband off early.

Had lovely lunch with husbands. Old school friend yesterday and his wife who had fall out with couple years ago it went sooo well and he has been v kind and supportive since my illness went so well we booked another one before Xmas!
Lifted out spirits,

Yogagirl birthdays are the worst
Had long lunch college friend today got bit tearful when she asked about Ed it will always hurt me won't it? She is lovely lady and gave me squeeze of course that made me worse. It was when I said xxx not contacted us at all to let us know how she is recovering that I got chOked up.

Still was great to see her,