Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

That's sad LL9

I can understand you not wanting to try to manage a family home with no family. You do have to think very carefully about this. You sound like you have good friends around you where you live now. But then you would like to move nearer your son and his family, but he hasn't made it sound as if he would welcome the move.

I can see his side of it, as you probably can too. He's perhaps thinking that now the children are more independent, he and his wife are looking to do things, go places without ties. You wouldn't actually be a tie, unless he's thinking you will need caring for in the near future. This is hard, as we don't want to be a 'burden' to our children yet at the same time we sort of hope they will be there for us. It's especially hard on you as you have the situation with your daughter.

Difficult decisions ahead. I'd be tempted to stay where I was close to friends and other support systems, because if you move closer to your son you will have only him and his family, you will miss your friends, and if son and family are going to be 'busy' you might be very lonely.

But only you can make that decision. Best of luck with it, it's a hard one.

Smileless, thank you for your wise words. Know this had to be a difficult week, all these knots to be tied by solicitors etc.they seem to work in slow motion, but this time next week it should be sorted. When you have finally left that house and started your new beginning it will all be worth it. I fully intended to move after last Christmas but put it on the back burner yet again. So well done you for getting on with it. You gave certainly had the lovely weather to be in your holiday home. Hope Mr S has his colour back.?
Welcome Nurse1crys, can I call you Nurse as with this prescriptive text you could end up with very weird names. Your post sounds very familiar and I just hope you San find some comfort knowing you are not alone with it.
Welcome Eddie, you are probably right about my son, I think I would be better in a place with better services when I get older.

Anya, found out my daughter had said untrue things about me to justify the estrangement, when I delved further, she admitted I hadn't actually said them but thought them! She didn't see why you had to like your family. She dislikes me so much she has to make things up. The starkness of it all just surrounds me and together with trying to manage a family house without family just seems so pointless. I know I am getting depressed as I cannot see a future. My friends were all wonderful last week and they care but when I shut the door and I am on my own, it's the family I want. I am having today with friends and have to snap out of it and paint on my happy face. Thank you for listening, this is the only place I can say what I feel. Hopefully I will pull myself together.

Got my post all typed and ready to send then lost internet connection.

TBH Luckylegs and not wishing to upset you I think it's your son who comes across as being unreasonable and selfish. Perhaps he didn't realise how he sounded but to tell you you've left it too late to move nearer to him and his family because they no longer need help with child care, and want to enjoy their new found freedom now the children are older, well it doesn't sound very good does it.

You should of course be able to talk to him about how you feel, and I wouldn't mind betting that if you weren't in this awful situation with your D, you wouldn't have thought that being honest could be misconstrued as emotional black mail. That is the sad legacy of being estranged from your own child. You become fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing in case your relationship with your other child/ren is damaged. I've felt that way too and I know other posters have felt the same.

What ever decision you make, do it for you as Rosy's said and take into consideration Yogagirl's advice too. eddiecat made a good point too, if you can have a general chat with your son about it, you might discover that he's not sure what his long term plans are.

No, you didn't scare me but Mr. S. went rather pale. I'd love for us all to be able to meet up one day, wouldn't it be great. Celeb and I keep trying to get something arranged but life keeps getting in the way.

Well, we won't be completing this week; solicitors are being less than useless, especially ours. Our guy is on holiday and I don't think the one covering for him has done anything at all. Our buyers have been waiting for confirmation that we got planning permission for all the work we've had done, Mr. S. went on line and within 5 minutes found it, printed it off and took it to their solicitors himself.

We may be able to leave here next Friday if contracts get exchanged but we'll have to let our removal firm know asap or we'll lose that date too and then we're looking at mid August. Trying really hard not to get stressed as there's no point, it wont make it happen any sooner will it.

Glad the wedding went well Celeb and you had a good time, pity about your tooth though still plenty ofshould have helped keep the edge off the discomfort.

Welcome nurse1crys. Got to go now but will back on later.

Hello everyone,

Celeb, sounds like you are having a wonderful time. You are proof, if it were needed, that moving on is the name of the game for us all.

Lucky, how hurtful to hear that from your son. If you are very unhappy where you are, then by all means think about moving. But do it for you. Research areas, maybe retirement villages or the like. If that means being closer to your son, let him know that it is for you, and that you expect nothing from him. I would never consider moving because I have lived here for almost fifty years, and all the memories are here and very precious. Obviously things are different for you, but take your time and get it right.

Welcome nurse, glad you found the thread. Isn't it sad when grandchildren don't even know we exist? I have a granddaughter who I haven't seen since she was six months old. Her mother decided, right out of the blue, that she didn't want to come any more, although prior to her birth, she came quite regularly, and we all holidayed together several times. Fortunately, my son is in constant contact with me, and sends me videos and pics. For his sake, I have told him that I want to accept things for now, and he should do the same. Our hope is that he can bring her by himself when she is a little older.

for everyone.x.

Hi Luckylegs

Just looking at it from another view point - is it possible that your son is thinking of moving to another area now that he is less tied to his children and he is concerned that you would have to move several times to stay close to him? You might be better off staying where you are now and where presumably you have friends, doctors etc

Hi. Just seen this thread as I was logging on so hope you don't mind me being here. My step d had a row with my h some 4 years ago. Both want the other to apologise but neither will. I've tried my best to get them together but I am now as bad as her dad apparently. Her children are grown up but of course have sided with their mum and we were not asked to granddaughters wedding. She now has twins to whose christening we were invited to but we were treated quite coldly. That was the last contact we had. Sd has now blocked me on f/ b. GG now just about to start schooland I don't think even know who we are. Sorry I've been rambling on but it has been cathartic writing all this down. It helps knowing others are in similar situations. I did feel quite solitary.

Celebgran So happy that you are having a wonderful time. It makes me feel happy too for you.
SmilelessI hope you get to sign those papers and move on as soon as possible.
LuckylegsI have been watching my diet and working out for over a month. I went to the doctor and gained two pounds from when I broke my ankle and was sitting for six weeks. I cried in the office and the poor nurse didn't know what to do for me. And yet my pants fit looser. It's such a struggle since menopause. And I agree with Yogagirl and Sugarpufffairy.Do what you want . If it makes you feel more comfortable to be closer than move near your son. I feel the reason my son has estranged himself from us is that he wants no obligation. He lives an hour away and doesn't want to be here for holidays or celebrations. Again our children's generation, not all, want the easy button to push. After all taking care or caring for your parents takes work doesn't it Mumsy?

Luckylegs, dont be disheartened, you can cope and you will cope! moving nearer family can cause more problems and you dont need that. start putting yourself first for a change. (( hugs))

Luckylegs I suppose it all depends on what you mean by not being able to cope any more where you are. What does that mean exactly?

How's the diet going Celebregran, I tried to lose weight for 3 weeks, nearly giving in but determined to lose this extra stone, I was very good, then in the space of 5 days I undid all the good I had done by going out for meals every day celebrating my birthday and eating a pound box of chocolates and drinking wine. I have put everything back on. Back on the diet today. You sound as if you had a fantastic time apart from your tooth. You have my sympathy, I have two teeth that are so sensitive I am getting to the stage of just not wanting them.
Yogagirl,for now I don't know what to do. I think I expect too much from grown up children. They just want to get on with busy lives. I never wanted to be a duty to them, think it's when you realise that your getting older and people you have loved and lost and are no longer here, it is tempting to be with these you love the most, they don't want the burden.
Smileless, hope that contract gets signed soon, onwards and upwards, you do know we are all coming to your caravan for the weekend to celebrate. (That scared you).
? To everyone on here

Hi ladies logging in from Ireland where wedding was absolutely amazing and great to link up with my sister itvwas beautiful day and fabulous reception 5 courses and unlimited wineplus constantly coming round with extra food like could eat More. Plus choice drink from bar ooh forgot champagne and canapés on arrival and cocktail's mmm very posh.

We been relaxing today hope see cousins Tom with my sister

Sadly my tooth damn nuisance dentist said NY.last wisdom may have to have out GI bwait til my dentist back from hol if can 2 weeks oh teeth are pain

Luckykegs so very sorry I would be so hurt v don't think emotional backnail to admit that sounds cruel maybe he didn't mean come over so selfish? Hope not

Rhinestone glad u found us

Thanks Nana and Gramp y dekt it was bit positive title

Mums 70 well done for posting again great c you on here

Hope Lady who was scared by rudeness in old thread funds us

Carry on good work and thanks smileless apart from tooth been amazing time can't wait for cuddles with little one on return
So glad house still ok hol home sounds amazing

Sorry yogagirl the pain goes deep doesn't it I too can't believe a year happy birthday to your dear little gd

My sister talking about her little g daughter's hurts but not her fault

Thank you Muma70 and yes I'm enjoying the

Luckylegs move nearer to your Son anyway, just say you would still like to, even though the GC are more independent now and set the ball rolling without asking for help, hopefully your Son, when he knows you are serious in your move will step in and help his mum. Good luck back in a mo.....

Well I'll try again. My last post was deleted by gransnet although I really don't understand why????? I don't recall posting anything controversial, unsavory etc I'm completely baffled actually .
Oh well here goes...
Celebgran what a wonderful way to celebrate a new thread - congratulations you must be so happy ? Hope your enjoying your wedding in Ireland ?
Yogagirl doesn't time fly? I can't believe that your daughter is 1 already! Well enjoy your wonderful Gd and your equally wonderful daughter. Try and focus on those in your life who love you for you and try not to let the bad overshadow the good ?
Smileless I'm hoping that your imminent move goes to plan and that you are enjoying life at your caravan in the meantime? It must be so relaxing and I'm quite sure Mr S has done a fantastic job of your garden there.

Anyway ladies I thought I would just say hello and christen the new thread here, so enjoy the rest of your weekend here's some ? and ? for everyone xxx

Interesting point Rhinestone, re our kids caring for us, my kids and grankids know I am ill and Ive had no help or support what so ever!! Kids dont want us to be a burden to them so keep the blinkers on, they live in cloud cuckoo land!

Luckylegs - I wont bore you with the full story but in short I have lived back in a place for nearly 20 years that I chose to leave many years ago. I did it because my parents were not looking at all well. Many years passed and now both parents are gone. I have had health issues which have taken a lot of time to sort. There is no cure but there can be some manage- ment of the situation. I have stayed on in the hope that DD1 would see that she is causing great distress to the family. The situation with DD2 is slightly better. I do not like where I live or the area/city, I have had bad experiences of the elderly services here so I would like to move to where I have been happier.
My decision was taken on the basis that I am sad and lonely where I am. Where I move to will not re-incarnate my lost loved ones so I will still be sad. I am lonely here but I may or may not be lonely where I plan to move to. What I will definitely have at the area I like is good views, more safety and security. All I have to do now is sort out my situation in the city and find a house away from here.
Do whatever you want. If you like the area your son lives in go there and do not allow yourself to be called upon in emergencies and there surely will be some. I you like any other area in the entire world just go and you find your own happiness. Do not allow the children to dictate where you live or don't live.
Your son may well have cut off his nose to spite his face in the long term. Just because kids are older does not mean that they wont have illnesses or accidents or even just a delivery of something inside son and dil's work times.
This is our time and do what you want. Its hard but we have come through a lot in our time

Well LuckylegsThat is downright cruel and mean if your son to say. He's making assumptions that you will be the anchor around his neck and he won't have his freedom? So you can only move by him to HELP with childcare? I'm sorry this may sound intrusive but you are the mom. Sounds like he's afraid HE might have to care for you. This makes me so mad that we have cared for our parents but for our children to do so would be an intrusion on their freedom.

Well I thought it was bad enough not seeing daughter, but now my son who I have always been close to as more or less told me it's too late for me to relocate by him, as his children are getting independent and I have left it too late, they don't need help with childcare and want to enjoy their freedom. I now feel completely redundant. Cannot cope here any longer and always thought if I moved by him it would be easier. Am I being really unreasonable and selfis, if so just put me right. I haven't let him know I am hurt because that would be emotional blackmail I know.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yes. I'm clueless as I thought the thread was going much better.

Missed a page , I'll go back to read.....

I don't know what happened on the last day of our 'support page 6' to get it deleted either

Thanks for the pm Mumsy. Now I've seen the statement from GNHQ I've emailed them. Once again we've renamed this thread in the hope that it will be allowed to do what it was designed to do, give support.

Glad you found us NannandGrampy.

Still haven't got a date Luckylegs. I'm going to email our agent and say if we can get the contracts exchanged we'll move out at the end of next week. We can stay here, at our holiday home while we complete on the sale of ours and until we complete on our purchase.

The bday party sounds as if it went really well Yogagirl. It doesn't seem a year since your lovely GD was born and you still have your ND's wedding to look forward too and enjoy.

We're going out for a Chinese tonight and will finish off the outside of our holiday home tomorrow, nice and leisurely before chilling and having a BBQ. Just the 2 of us. Oooh Mr. S. was moving a heavy stone bench last night; hmmm lovely arms. Still gorgeous after all these years.

Ps I like the new thread name - very positive !