Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

Hi Celeb & others. Haven't managed to come back before now to see responses to my last post. Celeb, I saw this: Oh jammytoast what a very unkind unfeeling post. I don't know your circumstances but there doesn't sound like any compassion or human decency in your words. -I'm responding to this. I think one of my earliest posts detailing what had happened to me has disappeared off the radar, so you're unfamiliar with my story. Do I have compassion? Only the tiniest bit right now - I'm deeply in therapy now for the profound damage my parents caused. Human decency? I was shown no decency... I'll jog your memories. My 'd'm walked out when I was a young child, leaving myself and my sibling with a severely abusive paedophile father who sexually tortured/beat me unconscious and regularly starved me for days on end. It's a miracle I'm still alive, I struggle to cope with suicidal feelings some days as the pain of my flashbacks is excruciating. It was only 10yrs or so ago that I cut my mother off, not for her initial failings but for all of those subsequently through the years of my adulthood. At the crux of all this was my comment to her 'all I want is to love and be loved' -to which she said 'no' - she went ballistic. My simple purpose in life was not acceptable to her. I cut her off because she couldn't see her own behaviour. She would need to do deep deep theraputic work on herself before I'd consider having her back in my life. My personal automony was torn to shreds by my parents, now through therapy, I assert my right to draw a boundary line. So now do you see 'human decency' in me?

Thanks for that Cari

What does Q.E.D mean?

I intend to say no more on this subject Cari as it is too distressing for me, as you have recognised.

There was no lack of empathy for Ann sixtyAnya i was.merely responding to her criticism of me she made no mention in that post of her husband,

Thanks mumsy no I don't need to defend how I feel

Argue alone Anya am off see my friend!

No you're gsgirl I didn't, saw east Enders that was dark enough.

Moment when Ronnie mum said I love you made me ?Whatever happens I will always love my estranged daughter.

Q.E.D.

Any you are not the only person to have have lost a child we don't all publicise it.

Our Neibor's lost their only son to cancer, and told me mympainwas worse as he didn't die deliberately.

When we speak of empathy maybe compassion and understanding is what you are lacking Anya ?

Annsixty my beloved f i law died of Alzheimer's just after my daughter cut us out, double whammy I had 4 years of being his carer and it was heartbreaking plus exhausting look after yourself. We paid for all his extra personal care etc but it was so hard to deal with. I was grateful he knew me to the end.

I remember clearly your unkind post to me telling me that it was better my toddler grandson has died as at least I had closure whereas your pain goes on and on. I knew then that you had no ability to understand my pain so recognised your lack of empathy to Ann

Thanks mumsy ??little ones birthday doesn't t help.

We had wonderful xmas with our son and his family and I must focus on that,

Anya do you get pleasure from rude unkind posts? I guess it wasn't really worthy of response

Admin and myself did ask for no vitriol on this thread, however it seems few people determined to try again

That is exactly how it was Celebgran and compounded by your brief 'very sorry indeed' before launching into a justification to prove how worse of you are than her.

Bah!

Oh Celebgran your GD birthday should be a very happy day instead it's full of sadness, how our cruel AC can do this, not just to us, their loving mums, but also to their C missing all that love. For you C

Did you see that film last night with Billy Connolly? All about him with his GC, bit dark though, I wondered why it was on so late!

Celebgran, please dont feel the need to justify yourself! xmas is a very difficult time for estranged grandparents, we all feel more pain at xmas time when families are together celebrating and we are left out in the cold. (hugs)

Annsixty So sorry to hear about your DH, it's a terrible thing dementia, my mother had it and I helped my dad care for her, although he was the main carer. Killed my dad in the end, the sorrow of it, he coped for 4yrs, but being in his 80s he couldn't continue at the end. He died within a year of my mum going into a home and we all thought my mum would go first, so sad. I remember my dad saying "I wish we had both gone two years ago!" They had a brilliant life before this, so many friends and us C very attentive & loving with them, I especially helped as I was the nearest, brought mum home at weekends and visited most other days.
to brighten your home and help you care for your DH with a lighter heart, I know how hard it is, so well done you, your H is lucky to have you.

Ann sixty that is not how it was, and I am very sorry indeed you have a sick husband,

I am pretty sick myself at moment, relying on high dresses of morphine to get through each day and night.

Thanks yogagirl big hugs smileless and I hope to meet in July hope we can sort link up too?Your are right thusnthread has been a lifeline

My 2nd granddaughter 6 today we think, never seen her and tears run down my face as I type this, it is hard wed not wallow and try so hard to keep cheerful but am low stress moment with all pain

Ann60 ignore celebgran (I'm sure you would anyway after such a dismissive post)

She neither wants support nor advice. She does not understand how you feel to you .

Thank you Celebgran for kindly telling me you do not need my support.
I can now concentrate on looking after myself while caring for my dementia stricken H.

Morning Stella Yes you're correct in what you say about the veil, stay on here with us, for support & advise or just to chat. From time to time it does get off track on here, but normally it's a life line for us in the same sad boat.

Celegran Heed Stella's words and stay with us. If you remember a while back I said I wouldn't come on here ever again, when it had kicked off, but I'm still here

You posted the story.

I am glad the post was removed and Stella I am sorry that we do get people on here who like to try and. Stir up trouble you are absolutely right in your comments please try ignore the nastiness, it usually goes away.

Ansixty I am sure I can cope withOut your suport if it is so fragile.

I stand by my remark, get a life, if someone is so strange as to trawl up a past post as Stella says is is rather to what this thread is about.

For the record I do not have. D I law just one of the many inaccuracies of wendysue and yes I rather wonder as well why she posts on here.

Well I sincerely hope I am never so short of friends, family or things to do that I trawl through old posts to try and not make life unlleasant for someone!?

Especially given the hell I am Going through with constant excruciating back pain I really don't. Need it hence my rather short post earlier.

Stella there are a hardcore of us on here yogagirl, smileless, lucklegs fairydoll rhinestone rosy sorry memory failing here who have built strong support network and long may it last despite constant attempts to sabotage itl

Katek I am sure you have a lovely, happy, and fulfilled life.
It is such a poor response "get a life" and lacking any reasonable thought. Puts ideas in my head about the poster and I have been supportive before.

Katek I'm sure has no need to get a life! A completely contradictory story was posted, poster was called on it, she was mad, accused the poster of being uncertain of her facts, she clearly wasn't, and now it's someone else fault that celebgran was 'uncertain of her own facts!!'

I'm sad to come back to the thread and see nastiness and bickering. This thread, a few days ago, is the first place, and the first time that I have posted details about my situation. I felt very supported by the responses to my posts and it felt like a 'safe place' to open-up. Aside from one poster here who apparently doesn't have estranged children (shouldn't this be a thread only for those who have? Just a thought), haven't we all been experiencing pain and distress at the loss of relationships with our adult children? Each of us must plough our own path. At a bad time, if we have been treated badly, there may be a winge about it. If things improve and we are happier, it's normal to draw a veil over the past, even to forget how it felt, much like we did with labour pains. If we are all here because we have been wounded, and even feeling bereaved as a result of the behaviour of our adult children, can't we show compassion for each other, and not have a go at each other, and even post screen shots of past posts to fuel arguments?

We're all old enough to be wise enough to self censor surely? Lets try to be kind to each other. I'm sure I won't be the only one who won't feel this is a safe, supportive place if the sniping continues. ?

I'll say this much for WendySue, she seems to have the answers to everyone's problems. She has been absent for a while. It has crossed my mind that she might have been advising US President Elect Trump.
(Retreats behind the barricades)

Get a life Katek!