Keeping love alive

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Married 35 yrs
Love at first sight (for me)
Told it wouldn't last (as DH divorced and older)
Happiest day of my life walking down the aisle.

I thank the Lord for the day I set eyes on my Rock and Soul mate.
He gave me two lovely children who in turn gave us 3 beautiful grandsons

We have had a Roller coaster of a ride.
I count my blessings

Yes, I feel sad for those who have not had what I have had.

I have been very lucky,
I had Wonderful grandparents as my role model for a very happy marriage

ffinn your post had me welling up. How lovely.

My life started when I met my husband. That says it all, and it's an absolute pleasure to say it.

My hubby & I are both "second time rounders".
We met in our late 40s both having been married before. Because of that we had "life experience" and truly value that we found each other when we had mutual needs.
It hasnt always been easy but as he often says "we are rock solid" We are each others best friend and can tell each other everything. He has taught me that feelings are very important....both good ones and sad ones. He allows me to cry when I need to and accepts then that having feelings and expressing them are what makes us human. Because of him I have the family I never had myself and love all of the members of my "step famliy" as if they were my own flesh and blood. Im so grateful that we found each other....
and so is he.
Life can begin at 50 !!

I mean nearly 40 years

david1968 mentioned laughter . I like all those alliterative words in his first sentence, I agree with them all.

35 years not out

I agree, winifred. His sense of humour was one of the first things that attracted me to my husband, and we get over many quarrels by using it.
Second marriage, been married nearly 30 years.
This kind of discussion reminds me of the song from Fiddler on the Roof - Do You Love Me?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_y9F5St4j0

I totally agree Winifred !!

I always said I'd take a man who made me laugh over good looking. Grampy says I got lucky and got both !

Nobody has mentioned having a sense of humour. Married 57 years would say laughing together and at each other,essential.

Privileged to have had a long and happy marriage, and truly sad when I see people saying how sad they have been in their married lives and they are ending that marriage, I always hope they do find happiness in their futures. Loving someone is hard work, and it hurts it is give and take, and we all change as the years go by. Like Ann60 my husband is not the man I married, but in a different way to Ann's I am no longer the glowing bride, but we have had A LIFE together of love and kindness, and we have both had to work hard at it, like many other happy people. Finding someone to love and be loved by is a wonderful gift which needs to he cherished.

Communication, kindness, caring, cuddles, and courtsey are the lynch pins for us. (33 years married, so far). Oh, plus laughter and still fancying each other! Perhaps the earth doesn't move as often as it used to but we have lots of physical contact. And we like each other. .....

Frankly, the whole thing is a mystery to me. I don't know why some marriages stay together and others fall apart. I've known some people who seem made for each other and yet they split up, and others who stay together when you wouldn't think they'd got a hope in hell.

I feel, sometimes, as if I'm married to an impossible man, and I know (because they've told me!) that most people who know him think the same...and that includes our daughters. He's controlling and hyper-critical and, as one of our SiLs once said with rueful affection, "He really is the rudest man I've ever met." On the other hand, he is also the most hard-working man I know, always puts his responsibility to his family first, is always the one that everyone turns to when they're stuck, and has put up with years of me being constantly ill.

He never makes spontaneous romantic gestures and his idea of a day out usually includes a trip to the local tip and a visit to B&Q, but he always tells me that he loves me. The other day, he told me I was his best friend and the only one he could rely upon 100%. (Our girls were a bit insulted!) I suppose that's the other side of the coin. I know he loves me and he knows I love him. And, though we might get really angry sometimes and threaten to go, we are both horrified by the idea of ever being apart. Looks like we're in it for life...

doable it is my greatest fear (and probably his, though he would never admit it), and I dwell on it almost daily these days.

I agree Nina and Kitty love changes

No one can sustain those intense feelings of being 'in love' and although I cant quote it - I believe there's scientific evidence to back that up {smile] .

Love , real love ,grows and changes. And I believe love means different things to different people.

I KNOW DH loves me when he fetches me something to save my poor old knees. When he brings home a surprise cake for having with out coffee, when he does something with me in which he has no interest. He does it because it makes me happy and if I'm happy he's happy.

Its the small stuff that reminds me he loves me not the grand gestures.

I think the initial feelings might be called being in lust and that if it becomes love and friendship as well then one is very lucky. I am!

We were married for 45 years, it was good, bad, hard and sad, should we have separated....... maybe, but it was what it was, I have regrets, he had regrets, but this is NOT sliding doors, you give you take. Now I'm alone and it's hard, never to be held, no one close to tell things too, all the minutiae of life. The loneliness eats you up, so maybe if you're still together try to think how it would be if you were not, even then times it by a hundred because it's worse than you can imagine.

luckylegs mentioned being in love and love each other
Does anyone agree that being 'in love' is what we feel at the beginning and that changes to loving each other ? In the beginning we are excited when they walk in a room, the sound of their voice gives us a rosy glow. IMHO that doesn't last forever. However, it may last longer for some.

I agree luck plays a part. H and I were a holiday romance that has lasted 43 years 41 of them as husband and wife. We met in Italy, and survived the first year as a long distance relationship until he moved to my town.
Like NanKate we are opposites in many ways. I'll talk to anyone where as H is the strong silent type. He has always been happy for me to go out with friends. I've never had to ask if he minds, I've never had to consult him on spending (although I do) We have shared and separate interests.
He has always been kind and considerate will help me on with my coat, open doors etc. and I have always trusted him 100% with regard to other women. He was a hands on dad and is the same with GC.
He still kisses me goodnight and says I love you. We walk arm in arm sometimes .
When I introduced him to someone I'd known for a while she said "Oh, he's not the man I would have expected you to be married too" maybe not, but I know I'm really lucky that he is.

I loved (and was loved in return) by someone who wasn't free, and refused to let her down and died after I'd loved him for 20 years - my first marriage was rebound, I worked hard on it, but I outgrew him - stuck with it for 10 years before deciding that he was never going to change. He never forgave me for not staying with him. Now with soulmate/best friend - experienced 35 happy years although of course not always sweetness and light, but he's my grumpy old man and wouldn't have him any other way. We always say that we love one another and even occasionally have a spontaneous hug. No, it's not the same as in the early years, but still good and we wouldn't have things any different. I'm happy and blessed.

I tried to type keep love alive not eep love ive!!!

I think it cn be summed up as being kind to each other! Yes we have rows but stop short of hurtful words that cant be unsaid. We tolerate each others faults (there are many on both sides) and eep love ive by lots of touching, cudding as saying the magic words fairly frequently. But I think luck also has a lot to do with it. I had no idea what I was doing all thosecyears ago and was very lucky in my choice - he could have turned out to be a drunk, a womaniser or violent - luckily he is steady and faithful and a great support. I count my blessings n spite of the small annoyances and frustrations!

I think a good definition for love is commitment. One doesn't always feel in love and all relationships go through harder times. However if you are both committed to making it work it helps enormously. We are just approaching our 35 th anniversary( coral apparently!!)

I've got to agree, with huge dollops of tolerance, much patience, kindness and acceptance of each others point of view.

Without the above our relationship might not of worked out,

I think Love and faith is for the fairy's.

We celebrate 47 years of marriage on Tuesday, and 50 years of being together in September. We are opposite both in character and interests, have had our ups and downs over the years, but despite that with huge dollops of tolerance, much patience, kindness and acceptance of each others point of view - not always easy of course because naturally I am usually right and its been a matter of him accepting that truth (only - but partially - joking) but we are still together. Its quite frankly, a miracle.