worry worry worry

Unfortunately for most of us parents I do not think you can ever be totally free of worrying about your children small or adult. It is simply because we care and want to protect our young.

Unfortunately for most of us parents I do not think you can ever be totally free of worrying about your children small or adult. It is simply because we care and want to protect our young.

Hi langfordlady. I do hope your son hears some good news soon. It's such a worry, you think once they are grown up it will be easier with them but it isn't they are just different worries from when they were small. I know how you feel there is not much you can do or say other than to be there for them. Good luck

I find motherhood much more worrying when you have adult children. When you look back problems with children are so much easier when you could 'kiss and make better'. I read somewhere that you can only ever be as happy as your least happy child, which I think is true.
You just have to keep it secret and stay positive. Good luck.

Langford lady & Merlot gran...
so sorry to hear of your worries...it seems to be a part of life as we grow into our mature years...I certainly feel for you both..having experienced worrying times a plenty..Take heart & keep as positive as you can..difficult as it is..hold onto the thought that nothing is set in stone..and these awful momments do pass...thinking of you and wishing you positive outcomes..which I just know you'll be posting on here soon..hugs & best wishes..xx[flower]

Leticia...you've summed things up so well....what a way to put things!...yes ...you can only be as happy as your least happiest child...it goes without saying..that every mum/gran knows...if your sons or daughters are experiencing unhappiness...we feel that pain twice as deep....somehow we keep going...& all has a way of turning out for the best..positivity is the forward & I wish it to you all[flower]x

Absolutely Ladies...of course we'll always worry...naturally thats what being a Mum is all about isn't it?...along with the happy times..there's got to be a little rain sometimes...& no one ever promised us a rose garden...as the song goes.....but i'd have that worry a million times over....for the gift of having my smashing son and daughter!!

My children were 10, 7 and 5 when their father died in a car crash. We were young, had been childhood sweethearts.
I remember very clearly thinking that I would get through, I was still very young and had my life in front of me. But I also knew that they would never get over losing their father.
And so it has been. I have tried to be mother and father at times, and finally, after some dreadful mistakes, brought a good and decent man into the family - but although he tried he was never accepted as Dad, and why should he be?
My children, now middle aged, have always shown that they missed their father to talk to, to advise. I worry about them and will for always. I am their mother, it's my job.

Thanks TriciaF. Some time ago I had a chat with a friend of mine who outwardly has everything sorted. However she then told me about her daughter, whose problems are legion and who relies on Mum to sort them.
My friend was on the coach from the airport at the start of a holiday abroad when her daughter texted her saying "The S<*] has hit the fan."
My friend & her husband flew straight back home, knowing all too well that the text had ruined the holiday anyway, if they had chosen to continue with it.

I agree with M0nica, that worrying doesn't help anyone; it implies a lack of trust, a lack of respect in some ways. We have to trust that they'll find their way, though it can be a nail biting time for us. So if you possibly can don't show him you are worried and don't keep asking for news - he'll tell you when there is some. He might be thinking "Get off my back!" You can always empathise with him "It's so tough out there these days - we had it cushy in many ways - I'm so sorry your generation has got the bum deal" or words to that effect. And I like the suggestions of practical help, if it's possible to do that without undermining his sense of self respect. GOOD LUCK! And feel free to remind me of the above when I'm whittling, because I do.

langfordlady It is all relative I suppose . My 40yr old son is recovering from Multiple pulmonary embolisms in both lungs and a hypoxic brain injury caused by PE . I will never worry about the little things again , it helps to put things into perspective .

I am sure that my parents didn't worry about me in the same way that I worry about my two adult children. But, I didn't have the health problems that my children have and we were of a generation which were financially better off than our parents.
I try to tell myself that they would manage if I were dead. There are also far worse problems than unemployment. Health is all that really matters.

Yes f77ms and PPP. I understand what you say. I'm sorry if I came across as whiney. I do constantly repeat to myself my Dad's mantra which was " Your Health is your Wealth" and try to remember how much worse I felt when I was worried about DS 's health in the past. Hope things improve for you.

When my son was going through something similar I used to say 'Their loss,' when he told me he'd been unsuccessful in a job interview. Its so easy for them to lose confidence when they are going through a period of knock backs and things just not working out.
Another tip is to talk about resilience. This is a character trait that appears to be in short supply for many younger people today and they need to understand that determination, resilience and not letting things grind you down is part and parcel of being a well rounded individual.
And lastly, seeing it all as a bit of a challenge. I've tried to teach my adult children that problem solving means finding solutions not wallowing in self pity. Sounds hard I know, but life can be hard and it can be unfair and there are times in all our lives when we have to deal with the reality of that. Happily, all three have come through tough times in their job searches and career decisions but who knows what the future holds in these times of downsizing and zero hours contracts.

I know it is very hard but you both need to concentrate on the positives - he is doing REALLY WELL to get through the application/ CV stage and get as far as the interview. He must focus his attention on his interview technique. For that he needs to go into the interview with a positive frame of mind. They expect him to be nervous, but if he shows signs of self doubt that won't help. There is plenty of advise on-line regarding this. Someone else here suggested voluntary work which will give him something else to think about and provide structure to his week while he is waiting. He may also meet someone else in the same situation.
Best wishes to you both. So long as he keeps on going he will get there.

We will always worry about our children no matter how old they are. I worry about both of mine (48 and 50) and also about grandchildren.
I have always told them that when one door closes another will open, you just have to keep knocking. Don't despair.
We, as parents and grandparents, can help. When my son was unemployed I trawled the internet, as did he. Eventually he found a new job on his own.When my very bright granddaughter was unhappy in her retail job I encouraged her to go to university. I was so proud when she graduated. My other granddaughter is now eighteen and I encouraged her,as did her own mother and she now has an apprenticeship she wanted.She didn't want to go to university.
We will always worry, it is natural and all we can do is just be there for them and help when we can.They just need our support now and again.

I find I'm concerned about the well being of all my family members, all the time. But full on concentrated Worry can only be directed at one person at a time. It doesn't seem to stretch in more than one direction. At the moment my DS is getting the Full On Worry, as he's just had to move with his family at very short notice and is having problems with his job. DD2 is getting concern as her health isn't good, likewise DH because of his health. DD1 is ok at the moment. Once DS is sorted, my Full On Worry will be redirected to one of the others according to need, probably DD2.

It doesn't do any good of course. Nothing is changed by my sleepless nights and phone calls. And I know they're grateful that I can only blast my Worry at one of them at a time!

Anniegran that's very sad and must have been so hard for you.

A close friend has just found out that her, apparently healthy 16-year old daughter had a life- threatening heart complaint for which there is very little in the way of treatment. Now that puts things into perspective. She's totally shocked and devastated as you can imagine.

nfkDumpling you sound just like me! I hit a bad patch a month ago when I was forced into 'full on worry' about DH, DS, DD3 and DIL. DD1 was 'concern'. And I was babysitting for DD2 at the time. No sleep had by me for several days. ? I felt I was sitting on a volcano about to erupt.

My mantra is 'this too shall pass' ...... but some of it is still grumbling on

I'm a big worrier, If I don't have any immediate worries and everything's going reasonably ok I worry that it won't last and something worrying will happen very soon. When I phone any of my children up or they phone me I worry about what their tone of voice might mean. like whether they sound upset or worried themselves. If they're ok, I'm ok.

I worry about everything, get anxious over all sorts of stuff that others would not give a jot about. Some things play on my mind for weeks and I lose a lot of sleep. I know that worrying will not change anything, but how does one stop.

There is something in the Bible that can help, even if you are not a Christian.

The Bible tells us that we are not to worry about things that havent happened.
I realised that about half the things I was worrying about fell into that category. So when I find myself worrying about them, I distract myself, as those worries dont even exist.

I would say that almost everything I worry about has not happened, once it has happened I can deal with it. Having that knowledge doesn't stop me worrying.

When that happens to me, I up my intake of vit K foods. That might not work for you, but thought I would mention it anyway.

Reasonably easy to up intake of Vit K1 foods obi but much harder with Vit K2. However it's an often neglected vitamin so it's good that you are aware of it.