worry worry worry

He's probably spending his days worrying to, why don't you suggest he do some voluntary work or help the elderly with odd jobs or even if you have some jobs need doing around garden or house.Sitting around waiting for REPLYS from jobs can eat away at your self esteem so it would be good for him to keep busy and his chin up while waiting. You never know it may open some doors too. Good luck

Just to add I am happy and settled too, the comparison was with her brother !

I read all comments with a lot of familiarity. My DS finally left home just before his 32nd birthday last year, having given me enormous worry for years. He's held on to the same job for ten years, somehow, but refused to grow up and accept the responsibility of running his own home. Instead he just treated mine like a hotel.
He does have a habit of sharing all his worries with me, part of me knows I should always be here to listen.

However the selfish part of me wants him to be more like me, I would never have placed extra worries on my mother by spilling out my troubles.
I think my daughter is more like me, although she is happy & settled.

I do understand we never stop worrying, I have been widowed for three years and seemed to be doing well until our DIL decided she no longer loved our son, who has now left the marital home, it was like another bereavement again, he seems to be OK but still l worry. Thoughts go out to you all.

A friend of mine has an interview soon and was talking about it with her brother, who came out with an excellent comment. He told her not to worry if she didn't get the job as the person who did would most likely be leaving one, so there would be a vacancy there she could apply for.

I was made redundant 3 times in the last 30 years and it was harder to cope with each time but I was lucky and still in employment when I retired.

My name is on that list of worriers too. I believe I started when pregnant as I don't recall worrying about anything before that. At one point when my DS was out of work I would fill my shopping trolley with basic food staples every time I visited him, such as potatoes, tea bags, tinned soups etc but with a few more expensive treats hidden in there too. When he started work driving long distances that was a worry too and ... well you know how it goes on

We all worry about our grown up children. Mine don't live near (Australia!) Since she left I have joined a small lical kni and natter group. All ages are there and I've found help and advice from all of them. We all have problems large and small but making friends to talk to has helped me enormously.

My children are now 27 and 25 and I worry about them just as much as when they were babies. I can't see it ever ending as I love them so much.

I think we will always worry about our children- we did it when they were young & you can't just turn off the tap. When elder DS separated from his wife a few years ago I was in a real state. You feel so helpless when they are older. In the end it all worked out really well but I still have the burnt work surface in kitchen where I put down a red hot pan I had allowed to overheat while I was having a good cry. I've left it to remind me that things work out in the end. I worry now about younger DS's job & of course about all of the DGC but I read a book on talking therapies for anxiety & I took in all they said about 'catastrophing'- probably spelt that wrong- & realised that I was doing just that. Now I recognise that I am doing it & I can stop. It really helped me.I tried an app. on Mindfulness too & that was also very good.
I've never had problems in this area but DH has so I knew a bit about it. Sometimes we need just a little help to think straight.
Hopefully by now your son has had good news & you are feeling better but I think we need to be the constant for our children to be able to talk things through with. Aren't we lucky that they still want us to be such a big role in their lives when you read some of the things on these pages about families that are estranged.

I feel I have ruined my life by worrying. As a child I worried about my parents! My kids are grown up now but I still worry.
I think all you can do is offer practical support. My son lives in Australia now and has a good life, but when he was out of work and house sharing when he lived in England I used to make sure he ate by taking round bags of goodies and helping him out by giving him lifts to interview etc. It dosn't stop the worrying, but at least you feel you are helping in some way.
Think back to when you were his age Langfordlady.....which I what I tend to do now. You were an adult and part of being an adult is finding your own way, dealing with disappointment and so on, we all had to do it. Just be there for him, invite him round for meals, be his 'shoulder'. He will find something in the end I'm sure.
My son's main problem was staying out all night and sometimes for nights on the trot when he lived at home. He would go out on Friday night to a club and wouldn't turn up until Sunday, after spending a weekend at someone's place . This used to scare the life out of me, as he would 'forget' to text me. He was a real party animal and I would lie awake, sick with worry. Now he's in Australia he is settled and happy so I do not have that horrible sick feeling any more.
My daughter is married with her own family and I still worry about her - if she goes out with her friends for a night for example, and there are also 3 grand-children for me to worry about.
Sometimes you just have to go with it, ride the storm as best you can - I think that worrying is in some people's DNA, it certainly is in mine.

I am a dreadful worrier and so was my mother. I was talking to an old school friend the other day. There were 4 of us who went around together and she had given us all nicknames in her head. I was hoping I would be the kind one or the pretty one etc., but I was the worrier. I worry about really small things up to really frightening things.

to all those who are worrying today.

It does not matter how old they are, we still worry as they are still our babies. I heard a wonderful thing on the radio many years ago. It was about a conversation heard on a bus. The person heard a mother say to her son: 'just look at your face, you have chocolate on it'. She heard the mother spit on a hankie, and say 'that's better now'. When the person who heard this turned around, she saw a very elderly lady with her elderly son. How sweet.

Well at least my worry levels are lower this morning. DD's op was successful and although she still has to face another one in six weeks time there's some hope for a full recovery at last.

And to think the poor girl only signed up for a laparoscopy to treat endometriosis

Sorry, I just spotted someone else posted this too. It's obviously a well-known feeling.

There's a saying - "Small children, small worries; big children, big worries." I'm afraid it's true.

Stansgran
If this was mumsnet I'd say you was with child.

It's common for us to worry, but after all said and done you do wake up every morning, so that's 1 to you.

I worry all the time. I wake up feeling sick most mornings. I keep chant Worry never climbed a hill Worry never paid a bill but the sick feeling won't go.

How can we help it? They are still our children no matter how old they are. I have been feeling sick with worry about several members of my family over the last few months. Made worse because of being unable to do anything about most of the problems except be a listening ear.

A wise women reminded me a few years ago, when one of my children was in a terrible state, of the safety announcement on a plane: fit your oxygen mask first before helping others! That is such sound advice and I have been trying to follow it since. Hard when several things coincide though ?

Omg I worry so much about DS ,and as you say NotTooOld it can't be turned off like a tap unfortunately. I always thought when they grew up and left home that was it,how nieve was i.

My mother used to say 'Today is the day we worried about yesterday and all is well'. Yes, I come from a long line of worriers and the worrying gene has been passed down to my son and to his son. My DH tells me to stop worrying as it achieves nothing but, of course, as we worriers know, worry cannot be turned off like a tap.

As the saying goes, we're only ever as happy as our unhappiest child. I think we could add "or grandchild" to that.

Sorry!! That should have read
"as there seems to be NO serious underlying issue" gulp!

Kleine Kinder, kleine Sorgen
Große Kinder, große Sorgen
(Little children, little worries, big children, big worries.)
That said I have been losing sleep over the very smallest member of the family recently. ?
Hoping as there seems to be serious underlying issue, that things will right themselves. ?

We had the same kind of worries with our eldest daughter. In her 40s now and her whole adult life has been like a rollercoaster,and she's always told us EVERYTHING.
Hardly dare say it, but she has a partner now, and a job, and seems more settled.TG.
As well as that she's always been very caring with us.
I used to pray for her every day (still do) and kept hoping.

If only we could fix everything for them in the way we could when they were little!