Was it me

My heart goes out to you don't blame yourself your daughter is a grown women who as made her life choices I understand you feel for her sons but you sound as if you have done everything you can I think we will always worry about our offspring and all we can do is be there for them take care of yourself . We all know people who appear to have no problems and some genuinely don't but I know people who would never say they had problems even if they had I don't know all history so I hope I haven't offended x

So difficult with adult children, but that is what they are, adults. Your daughter makes her own life style choices and you are not responsible for that, please stop feeling guilty although it goes with the mother territory. You can support your grandchildren and help when they need it but your daughter must take responsibility for her own life.
Sometimes we have to harden our hearts or we would not survive emotionally or in other ways
Take care of yourself .

She has to make her own choices; and do not be fooled by the apparently "successful and settle daughters" - often people have lots of problems that are kept under the surface. There is nothing that you can do that would not risk your already fragile relationship - better that you get on and you can be there for her if needs be. You are not alone in this but because people do not talk about it it is easy to think you are. And you have not failed - she is who she is.

morethan2 I think as Mums we always blame ourselves for the choices our children make . I can understand your worry and inability to switch off from it but she is a grown up and will make her own choices . I have similar problems with an adult child and constantly question myself as to what I did wrong. He has at times lived a chaotic life , had minor problems with the law, substance misuse , the list goes on. Your grandchildren sound as if they are young adults? but still need some support from a stable family member , is there anyone else who would be willing to step in ? The trouble with your situation is that you may end up picking up the pieces from the damage caused to the children by your Daughters lifestyle . Take care x

Very difficult more than. My heart goes out to you. I learned that I could not make children be what I want them to be. My dreams it seems weren't theirs.

Mine eventually sorted themselves out , after a few rocky teenage years. I know the feeling of watching"everyone else" with successful kids.Your daughter can not be changed by you, just love her as you obviously do.

I wonder just how many mums are actually happy with the things that our children do. It may well be a lot fewer than you think.

I'm not happy with the way my ED conducts herself. Also my DS can be awful to me too but I have stopped blaming myself for their ways. If I had bought them a mansion a day they would have been the same as if I had given them bread and water daily, they want to hit out and I am there. So be it. Do it without me, let me get on with my life.

I have put my foot down tonight and have decided to cancel the hotel stay I booked to take my son to university and instead will book him a man and van to take him and his belongings next month. I, with time to myself therefore, will party! At home, with my pets, and peace and quiet for the first time ever in my life, on my own.

I have done over 30 years, like most on here probably, and deserve to have some time off now. All of you, take care, doing too much and worrying about adult children can cause serious health problems, please ease up on yourselves, you deserve it big time. to all. X

I grew up as a child with my fingers in my ears nightly to block out my parents arguments and fighting. I was about 8 years old. I have had enough of stress in my life. Roll on next month.

There is something very special about taking your child off to uni and seeing where they will be for the next year. Your son may want a bit of help with unpacking too. I usually like to at least make up the bed for them.
A friend who is a psychotherapist says it is easier for lads to leave home if they cause a bit of ill feeling before they go. It makes separation easier.

Good for you Ruby enjoy your peace and quiet you have earned it x

Off the topic, I know but a tin of home made biscuits or cake is a great ice breaker during those first hours in hall.

Sorry OP! Our children can worry us all through their lives. Our need to 'do' something is inbuilt, certainly where most mothers are concerned. It is very difficult to stand back, but once they are adults and are capable of making their own decisions then it's up to them. Hard to watch though.