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Learning to shut it!

(10 Posts)
willsmadnan Sun 07-Aug-16 18:09:48

It's taken me a long time, but I think I've at last sussed how sometimes family breakdowns can happen.
DD and I are planning a long weekend away with SIL, GC and SIL's adult son. SIL's brother and partner are now coming...all fine.The more the merrier! They are camping, I'm staying with old friends (Dd's godparents)a few miles from campsite.. I'm already sorting Sunday lunch for everyone at a favourite pub, but not only that who's taking which car,who are going to volunteer to drive etc,what the GKs will do re days out.... when DD says...gently I must admit..... 'Mum, stop organising. We don't even know what the weather's going to be like.'
Until recently (well ,until DOH died earlier this year) I did organise everything under the delusion that no one else could do it as successfully as me.This afternoon was a light-bulb moment. That's when I said to myself 'It's time to take a back seat my girl, and hand over the responsibility to others'
It's not going to be easy, taking a back seat is alien to me, but I'm really going to give it a go. And who knows, at 72 I might actually be able to relax and enjoy myself!!

Luckygirl Sun 07-Aug-16 18:30:49

I have already adapted to the back seat and have no problem with that. We used to be the hosts and lynch-pins of holidays and get-togethers, but now I just let the DDs do their thing and lie back and enjoy it. We are off to France later this month and there will be a total of 34 people there! - so I am more than happy to let them all get on with it while I sit by the pool!

ninathenana Sun 07-Aug-16 18:37:46

How wonderful Lucky a gathering of 34 sounds great. Unfortunately our little family would struggle to get 6.

Kittye Sun 07-Aug-16 18:47:51

I think Luckygirl has the right idea.grin

tanith Sun 07-Aug-16 18:54:21

We went on a nostalgic caravan seaside holiday this Summer with some of our grown up grandchildren. They wanted their respective partners to enjoy the type of holiday we had with them when they were young. It was marvellous we had such a good time but I really had to back off when it came to organising them, they had their own ideas of what and when they wanted to eat and what they wanted to do each day.
It was nice to be told 'Nan we're going to the beach this morning' or 'Nan we're all going to this or that restaurant to eat tonight'they certainly orgainised me and OH.

Stansgran Sun 07-Aug-16 19:08:38

Oh I so wish mine would. We took DM and mil away regularly . After my mother died I refused to take mil more than every third year as she had two other adult children. I have just looked after DGS 3 and 4 for a week and they are coming back in a fortnight. We took them all to Scotland at half term and have had two weeks in a holiday cottage with DGC 1 and 2 in July. They are all going away and we haven't been asked to join any of their hols. sad

Luckygirl Sun 07-Aug-16 19:19:43

The 34 are not all family! - only 13 are. The others are family friends of my DDs' and we know them all too - some were round our house endlessly when they were young - it is amazing to see them grown up with families. Lots of children, so they will all no doubt amuse themselves and dash about in packs. Our role will be to relax and sit and read and maybe settle the occasional squabble no doubt.

willsmadnan Sun 07-Aug-16 19:39:17

I suspect my problem is having lived in France for nigh on twenty years our family descended on us for the annual summer hols and DOH organised the outings...beach, mountain trails, markets, restaurants, leaving me( the more fluent in French ) to book, research days out, and then cook for everyone.... a job I adored (and still do) . My pool side lounging days ended years ago, thank God as it was beginning to get boring!
Now I'm back in the UK. ..and already annoying GS. I'm home-alone with him... he's playing Minecraft, and so far only put some sheep, a few cows and a disco in his virtual village. I suggested some houses and was told' Stop inter-advising me, Gramma'!
Hmm... must try harder!

trisher Sun 07-Aug-16 21:22:34

I have a DIL who is great at organising. I handed over to her ages ago, I'm quite happy to sit back and relax, play with the GCs, read my book and chill.

TriciaF Mon 08-Aug-16 16:01:12

willsmadnan - we're in that situation now, family come to stay with us in France, but we're a bit older than you were.
Luckily they're good at organising outings. There's plenty to do here, including mountain walks, swimming pools, jazz festival, markets etc.
They wanted me (at 80) to join them in a 6hr trek up the Pyrenees, and swim in a lake up there shock Even husband declined the invitation. He's younger than me.
I've done most of the cooking, but they do help.
Yes, you do have to hand over the planning etc. And try to keep your cool when 7 people are trying to make their breakfast in a tiny kitchen.