Husband's pornography use

I'm still reading and appreciating all the posts. An update: I'm living my own life but still in my own home. This allows me to stay in comfortable, familiar surroundings and means I have a sufficient income to meet my needs and run my car. I'm involved in several activities so keep myself busy. Life is ok. I spend very little time with my husband, mostly when our children and grandchildren are around. I believe he doesn't have a concscience about anything. I really think that if I were willing he would assume everything between us was ok and would not see/ignore my feelings, never addressing the issue. But for me that's unacceptable. I can't get him to acknowledge that - very odd; he just carries on as normal glossing over everything. My many attempts in the past to address the issues just washed off him. Just an acknowledgement of my own feelings would go a long way. And I don't know what's going on with him.
Other posters are going through similar issues. I do wish you well. I suppose we all need to find our own way as there's always a lot more than can be written in a post. But it's great to have some support.

I'm still laughing about the painful balls thing !

I put that right up there with ' if you loved me you would ' !!

You deserve better than this, . Put yourself first for one thing, I am sure your children will understand and be as disappointed in their father as you are. You need support from them.
His behaviour is unacceptable.
Make plans for your future and once you have them in place,give him an ultimatum, sort his act out or get out!
I feel for you, so sad.

This is an OLD thread, revived by a deleted post. I imagine OP is long gone

123gran taking the decision to leave a longterm marriage or relationship is never easy but you're clearly very unhappy as it is. Although the reasons for my marriage ending were not exactly the same as yours, I too felt ostracised from a large part of my husbands life (he too just moved out of our bed without telling me why). I plodded on for 10 years hoping that things would somehow improve because I was terrified of the reality of starting off on my own again after 40 years of marriage. But one day, he just went too far and I immediately made plans to get out. It was definitely not an easy decision and the following 12 months were hard. 10 years have gone by and my only regret now is that I didn't leave sooner. Please have the courage to salvage what time you have for your own happiness and peace of mind. You're far stronger than you think.

I think this is very hard for you and so upset you are in this position now but I would also worry what you haven't seen on the websites as some things are illegal and I'm not thinking about consenting adults here.
The other worry I have is about your daughters and their friends as they were growing up. Just the idea that my hubby might have been turned on or ogling my daughters or their friends would turn my stomach.
I do hope you will be all right x

Get out as soon as you can. Make a new start, better on your own than with a pevert.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Looking at porn at some point in their lives is one thing, spending their spare time with their eyeballs on the screen and their hands in their trousers is quite another, and more likely to cause sore balls, eyeballs as well as goolies, than not getting enough action.

If someone spent all their time chasing physical sexual activity (hetero or homosexual), they would be classed as having a serious medical/personality condition.

That's bo***cks gardenman!

I do hope that was ironic gardenman
There is a difference between just looking and being addicted so it takes over your life. Most men can relegate porn to its a proper place.

Ha, ha, that old chestnut...

The painful balls idea is a fallacy.

Oh for goodness sake get over it, if the truth was told I doubt there is not a man living who at sometime has not looked at porn of some type. If one has had a good dinner than one is not hungry if one has not had a meal one is hungry. Looking at porn is a biological release for men, don't let anyone tell you different. Men get sexual stimulation by looking at porn fact. If a man does not release his sperm he can get painful balls.

With regards to telling your children, you could skim over the lurid details, and just say that there were issues between you which your husband seems unwilling to resolve
Tell them to speak to him if they want to know more.

Hi 123Gran
I hope that you will have the courage to put your own comfort first. It is very scary to set off on your own, perhaps I would never have done so either had it not been that the people around me died, so I was forced into being alone.
You deserve a good life without feeling dismissed by your OH's conduct. It is not just about him and porn, it is also about his treatment of you.
I am always here if you want to chat on PM. It is certainly different to be alone but there are some advantages.
SPF

Been listening to a 'phone-in on 5 Live today, about this subject. Several men spoke about how it has ruined their relationships and how they wish they could stop. I'm still torn between understanding that it can be a real addiction and the utter grief and sadness it has caused to me and other women. Perhaps it's the man's attitude that would sway my reaction - in my case I've lost all trust in my husband's truthfulness or even his ability to know his own truth. I bumble on day to day, putting up with the status quo as my feelings change about the situation - and the known is less scary than the unknown. But I am mulling things over slowly and waiting until the time is right - it all seems to be taking its own slow pace. I'm so grateful for all Gransnet posters - every one has been read and re-read carefully.

I hope things have improved 123 gran or at least you are more sure of what to do?

Many men who would not buy magazines now easily turn to porn on the Internet, I suspect we would be surprised by the numbers who do.

But OP said she didn.'t want the children to know the real reason , maybe things have changed now ?

i certainly dont believe every man looks at porn, i think you will find that some men are of the opion that if you need to watch other people having sex or use prostitutes their is something very wrong with you

aggie you dont need any grounds for separation, his addiction and the way he treats his wife would be enough for unreasonable behaviour as a grounds for divorce

I feel so angry with the poster who said perhaps the OP had refused to have sex a few times. That's no reason for a man to turn to porn like he has. My late brother was a "porn addict" to the extent he lost his career due to looking at porn when he should have been working. But he treated his wife well and would never have behaved like the OP's husband. As for telling your children maybe they already know or have an idea. From your husband's behaviour you may find he is into deviant porn and who knows where that will end. At 60 it is not too late to start again because I did it at the age of 70. Yes you need to be brave and money does play a big part but you will be find it costs less than you might think. You could have another perhaps 30 years ahead of you so you have every right to be happy and not disrespected by that man. He is not normal.

BURN HIM

Good Grief 123gran! Get the hell out of his horrible little life! i would rather live alone in a bedsit than put up with such a meaningless relationship. He doesnt care one iota for you or your feelings - just that he's getting his dinner put in front of him before retiring to his pit to play with himself. Ugh!
Dont be swayed by the holier=than-thou so called liberal minded do=gooders who tell you its quite normal for men to behave that way. They would probably also tell you its all your fault! Would they put up with such insulting behaviour? Let him go find one of these nubile young things for himself - I'll bet you they'd run a mile!