Worried about husbands ill health/drinking alcohol everyday

Sorry to hear your predicament Armynanny I have been in your shoes so I know how frustrating and hard it is. I really don't have any advice as I tried every bit of blackmail I could to stop my ex husband drinking I identify with most of what you say. I failed to help him in the end he didn't want to be helped and I after many years I divorced him for my own and my childrens sake.

Unless he wants to be helped I don't know what else you can do to persuade him. Would he go to a help group or talk to a counsellor maybe? . I wish you luck and I'm sure other grans will come along with suggestions.

Well if he won't listen to the consultant , no hope of him listening to you . Has he a fave relative ? or friend ? who could have a word . I would stop talking about it , he is an adult , not that he is acting like one . You have to step back and let him come to his own conclusions

I'm assuming he isn't abusive in any way to you or anyone else when he's been drinking, it's the fact that he drinks every day that concerns you and his consultant?

It sounds as though he's got into the habit of doing it and doesn't have enough incentive to stop, but I tend to agree with aggie that nagging him won't work.

I'm sorry you're in this position, it can't be much fun living with someone who falls asleep every evening...

how about diversion therapy? Take up bike riding or anything which in the evening keeps him away from the alcohol for as long as possible? Hobby? Chess club? Evening classes - ballroom dancing. It won't stop the drinking but at least it will cut it down? I too know all about the falling asleep, but at least if he is asleep he is not pouring more alcohol down his throat. If he is a wine drinker , try getting some smaller glasses, like the old fashioned Paris goblets, some modern wine glasses take a huge amount of wine!!

Could you start looking around for a different job for him, and see what you can find?

my partner smokes 40 cigarettes just in the evening. I tried to make him cut down, but to no avail. Most of his pension is spent on his beer and cigs.

Oh wot, that is so sad for both you and him. I feel for you, but also can understand why he doesn't want to cut down or stop. I smoked for over 40 years but after much 'encouragement' from family haven't had one for seven years, would start again tomorrow if I didn't know the upset it would create. However, it's not all good, I now suffer from depression and drink lots of wine every night! Seems it's a no win situation whichever way you look at it. I don't know many folk who stop either drinking or smoking without another 'addiction' coming along in place

Oh dear I do sympathise with you .My husband was drinking way over the recommended units a day . This went on for years .He brewed his own beer which was very strong stuff and although he was never seen to be drunk he was addicted to it ,falling asleep every evening .Just like you I tried every thing to make him see sense and make him realise what he was doing to his body .Our very good friend who was a nurse practitioner also tried but he refused to listen .we were both very worried about him .
Last year at 58 he needed a knee replacement .As he had previous abnormal blood results the GP checked his bloods to find his liver function was very abnormal ,His sodium low ,cholesterol high .His blood pressure also high .The GP laid it on the line and told him that he was unfit for surgery and that if he carried on drinking he was likely to develop permanent damage to his liver.He was told to cut down his drinking but there and then decided to stop as he is an all or nothing kind of person .
Within 3 months his results and his blood pressure were all pretty much back to normal . He had his knee replacement and got on very well.
He has not touched any Alchohol for nearly a year .He has replaced it with Alchohol free beer so that he still gets the taste !!!
I am very proud of him,he is a different person and feels healthier than he has in years.
I think the GP shock tactics were the only thing that would have ever worked .
I do hope your husband finally sees sense .

Having lost a friend some years back to liver failure due to alcoholism I know how hard it is to stop someone doing such damage to themselves. Sadly it can take a wake up call such as TheGlovers1 has outlined to make someone see sense so perhaps you could seek help from your GP. If he is in a job he hates and can see no way out this won't be helping either - the drink and falling asleep is probably an escape mechanism from it all. I hope you find a way forward - if it is getting really bad you could speak to the AA side for families of those affected by this - sometimes support from those in similar situations helps.

Me ? Stopped drinking, then smoking ?

Well done. Have you any advice for the OP, grannylyn?

No amount of nagging will help someone dependent on alcohol or drugs give it up. The desire needs to come from the person him/herself, and until he/she sees it as a problem, then there's very little anyone else can do. My OH was alcohol dependent for many,many years and we went through it all. Therapy,medication,counselling we did it! He'd be alcohol free for a few months then it'd start all over again. He finally decided enough was enough and he went into a clinic for a month and hasn't touched a drop since. It's almost 10 years now.He still gets a longing for a drink especially on a hot sunny day, but he hasn't given in. He's a different person to the man he was and as a family, we are very proud of him. I hope your OH realises the worry he's causing Army and that he takes the necessary steps to help himself. By the way, although we both attended AA meetings we didn't find them a great deal of help. Maybe at the beginning, but not as time went on, but I know a lot of people do find that kind of support invaluable.

Thanks for all your kind comments. His blood pressure is high, being treated by medication and his dad had a triple heart by pass and OH thinks his condition is heriditary which consultant says it could be. His dad was a smoker so I'm not sure whether that contributed (how many things are genuinely heriditary? Is a lot of it lifestyle? He had all kinds of blood tests which he said came back as normal but he lies and says he doesn't go to the pub when I know he does so is he telling the truth about this? I have told his (our) GP but all he says is thank it's a vicious circle, drinks to relieve stress which then causes other problems. I've asked him in the past how he would like it if I fell asleep every evening, he wouldn't and wouldn't he be worried if I was extended overweight and sat there eating chocolate bars etc and he said he would be worried. I've got to the point where I can't keep on any longer and he will have to deal with the consequences

You could try asking him, when he is in a serious state of mind, what it would take to make him stop?

I identify with your dilemma , my H had a drinking problem and would get so drunk he was incoherent at times and could be nasty. It ended up that I divorced him .
If you truly want to stay then I would give him an ultimatum that he cuts down drastically or he will have to deal with the consequences -this will be difficult because he is alcohol dependant but he should be able to get help from the drug and alcohol agency . Saying this to him just may make a difference but you have to mean it . Do you want to spend the rest of your days in an unfulfilling relationship .