What do I do now?

notnecessarilywiser
No I never planned to give all to my son. DD was made Executor to the Will by default. (Not the wish of MIL) I said I would split my share, when I got it, between DD & DS. DD & ex wanted a Deed of Variation to cut me out of the Will before Probate was granted

I think it was a very nice thing to do, to give the inheritance equally to your son and daughter. Daughter has no cause for complaint there.

How old was your DD when you split with her father? I suppose if she feels her dad was badly done by at the time, she could hold that against you now.

Whatever, all you can do is to send the odd chatty text. And finish them off with 'love you. x'.

Hello peacelily
if you have a good relationship with your DS would be possible to ask him to see how the land lies between yourself and your DD.
He may well already have an incite to what's troubling his sister.
If he thinks its appropriate perhaps you could all have coffee at his new house that way you maybe able to spend time with your DGC.

I'm still unsure of what actually happened re the inheritance! Your exMIL left you a sum of money and you planned to give all of it to your son, but then your daughter got wind of it and demanded an equal share? Please indulge me and clarify!

I'm assuming then that your ex didn't inherit from his mum because of their estrangement so perhaps if he had, he'd have been the one who was asked.

All you can do is wait Peacelily, perhaps send regular but not too often texts and/or emails and see if your daughter's attitude changes. I hope so; it's a terrible thing to be estranged from your own child.

Ex was estranged from his mother for some time before her death. DS needed the money to go towards a deposit for a house, which was I agreed for them to have my share. Obviously if DS was getting some of my share then DD would have her share too. Whats done is done, and I just want to move on and have a reasonable relationship with my DD. When my ex and I broke up DD said she understood why, and for 20 years we had a good relationship

Sorry to read of the difficult siuation, but keeping line of communication open is important. It is very hard as a parent to await the convince of sons, daughters and their partners. Could you manage to visit for a few hours or is it difficult for you travel in a day. We have stayed in a nearby b&b when visiting D and SIL, it just gives everyone some space. Several of our friends do the same , keeps visits to manageable shorter times each day gives everyone some space and you can retreat to your own accommodation if things become difficult.

TBH Peacelily if you'd posted asking what people thought about you passing your inheritance from your ex mil to your son and daughter, I'd have responded by saying that in your shoes I'd refuse.

An inheritance isn't a right, it's a gift and when a beneficiary gives theirs away, they're going against the wishes of the deceased.

I agree with thatbags and lionpops, from what you've said this all started over money and even though you've forgone your inheritance your daughter still isn't satisfied.

To wait for 20 years to tell you she's been angry with you for 20 years over the breakdown of your marriage to her father is ridiculous.

I've been told more times than I care to remember in the last 4 years that we've been estranged from our son that 'life's too short'. Well, what I've learned having tried to repair the damage done to our relationship is that yes, life is too short, too short for taking undeserved crap.

This is a very familiar tale , people turn nasty when they don't get what they think should from a will. You were left the money because your ex- MIL liked you and felt you deserved it. She obviously didn't feel that way about your daughter , not your fault. It's up to you what you do with it . Does your daughter deserve a cut after the way she had treated you. ? You enjoy it to hell with everyone else. Lucky you .

She'll want to be reconciled with you when she wants some more of your money. Sorry to be so cynical but the impression the story gives so far of your daughter's attitude is not good.

Hi peace lily I think posters are trying to help but are saying there really isn't enough info for anyone to make a fair assessment and I m finding it a little bit muddled

Did your daughter and son blame you for the marriage break up ?
Where is their father in all this hoo ha
Were the children kept away from the other grandparents or did they have a good relationship with them ?
'Persuasion needed' on your behalf by who,about what? as you say you were happy to hand it over
Was your daughter son and you all left money and then you gave them both your share as well, if so why? are they struggling ?
Why do you think your daughter might be angry and not your son ?
Asking to stay was maybe a step too far at the moment, unless you often do it ...could you just go over for an afternoon

Hopefully you ll come back with a bit bigger picture for people to get to grips with

Leave her be and get on with your life. Any daughter who asks for money that was left to her mother is beyond the pale. I am not sure what advice you expect here and I think you should speak with your ex and find out what is going on with your daughter. Relationships are complicated and I get the feeling that whatever you do it will still not please your daughter. You need to face up to this and move on. Tell her you are leaving your money to a cats home! My daughters have no expectations of getting any thing out of me, although I hope there will be something.
My late father said that children suffer from selective memory syndrome.

Well, you seem to have tried your best to reconcile with her.

Why did you give her money that was left to you?

I think you're leaving a lot of detail out here-could you fill in some blanks?

it is a complicated situation. I was just hoping you could give me ideas on how to go forward

Tell her that, by text.

I was happy to pass the money over, just not the way it was done. I have tried very hard over the past year to be reconciled, and I miss her and DGC very much, just don't know what else I can do

I get on really well with DS and his family. There was a lot of persuation needed on my part

It is a shame whatever the cause. Life is too short. My daughter and I fell out over the GCs behaviour and I so missed talking to her, can't remember how we were reconciled but so glad we both gave in. Can't you ask if you can both start again and put the past behind you?

In your first post, you didn't mention that important fact (DD and DS asking you to hand over money that was left to YOU in ex MiL's will)

Why was that? It makes a difference to how we see things. The story seems to get worse as it goes along. I have my own thoughts about this thread, but I'd like to know why you didn't consider it worth telling until after Ana's post?

I'm not sure I've read correctly but, like others here, I'm wondering if she asked for money that was left to YOU?

Asking to come and stay was maybe pushing it a bit, if you'd only just found out that things were "okay".
Not saying your DD is in the right, as I don't know the situation, but clearly you have to take your cues from her and go at her pace.

She asked you to hand over the money that was left to you in a will? And you did?

How puzzling. Was it a large amount, the money that was left to you but that your daughter demanded (impudent, much?) be given to her? Did you just hand it over or was a bit of 'persuasion' by your DD and SiL required?

She does sound a bit of a brat. Ignore her?

Well, what do you think it's all about? Sorry but we can't possibly know what caused her off-handed nests. And without knowing that, how can we help? It would have to be guesswork.