I've come to the conclusion that my 33 year old son is bullying me. I live alone and divorced his father when he was 14. He does not live with me, he rents a room 14 miles away but he visits my home often. He is single, unemployed and hasn't had regular work for a number of years. He is often short of cash, so if he needs money, I help him out even though he reluctantly accepts the offer of cash or bank transfers. He is verbally aggressive, critical of my lifestyle including my diet, how, what and when I cook or eat, dislikes my friends and seems to disapprove of how I choose to spend my time. He makes what I consider are unreasonable demands on me asking for help with such tasks as washing his clothes, internet banking, rent & housing advice expecting an instant response even if I'm busy, tired or unable to help due to other commitments. If I say I am unable to help instantly he gets agitated and doesn't seem to understand that I can't always be available when it's convenient for him. When I do agree to offer help advice, this is often rejected or I am criticised if he doesn't agree with my suggestions.
When I do attempt to help, I try to offer the most practical solution. He often calls me a control freak and whatever I suggest he rejects. This creates tension and arguments resulting in my son raising his voice either on the telephone or in my home. I do not retaliate but he continues to behave in a verbally aggressive manner. He refuses to see that this type of conduct is not acceptable, especially in my home. He once left some paperwork on my dining room table and as he'd just left the house for the bus, I took it to him at the bus stop which is just over the road. He was so angry that I'd followed him that he frogmarched me back over the road and tried to push me down the street yelling at me to go home.
He accuses me of behaving like a victim if I protest or become upset. I find it difficult to say no most of the time because of the hassle and upset it would cause. I also feel guilty because of his medical history and because I think that his father wasn't around for him during and after the divorce and worry about the effect it has had on him. He was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 14, he is also dyslexic, is noise sensitive, suffers from depression and has pectus excavatum emedicine.medscape.com/article/1004953-overview which doesn't help with his outlook on life. He is also a cannabis and nicotine smoker. At heart he is a kind and considerate young man, intelligent with good manners, but when he visits me I'm the person who bears the brunt of the aggression. He often behaves like this towards his 84 year old grandmother who is more sensitive than me but has a larger home with a spare room he can escape to.
What can I do? I am certainly not the type of person to accept this type of treatment from anyone else but I am at a loss to know how to deal with this situation. I am 61, a single grandmother, (I have a married daughter too). I was made redundant after 14 years in June. I've just been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, I'm stressed, tired and need to slow down but how can I do this if I am worrying about my son most of the time?