What's next?

I agree with what you are all saying and it's good to hear different opinions, my children were both confident and ready to leave home when the time was right and now it is our time again to create new memories for ourselves and enjoy our new found freedom and grow old disgracefully

I m weird too, I liked knowing my kids were confident and grown enough to leave surely that's exactly how nature intended it I have had a good few years helping out with grandkids and now that is nearly coming to an end as the youngest one has reached double figures and the other 6 are already teens so gather myself together and fingers crossed there may be some greats before I hang my socks up

I agree with MOnica, it is very liberating NOT to feel 'needed' and to be able to do things one has not had time for in years. Make the most of it, I say! I'm happy to do the odd bit of childminding and would always be available in an emergency but I've done my own child rearing and have no wish to take on that role again, thank you very much. I would add that, IMHO, today's parents make very heavy weather of bringing up kids, much more so than in my day when kids fitted in with parents, not the other way around.

Delighted to find I am not the only person bemused by empty nest syndrome. From birth onwards I greeted every step my children took towards independence with delight.

I am fascinated by people on this thread, and other threads, who keep referring to 'missing feeling needed'. I find this concept quite frightening. Of course my children needed me when they were small and still do turn to me at various times for information and advice, but I have never felt a need to be needed, I enjoy being part of mutual family support system, but that isn't quite the same.

As I am only 54 I have a few years before retirement. Also I have just started going through the menopause so seem to be a little out of sorts too. This has been my first time as a poster and all the advice that is offered is really lovely.

Well Kim0612 I know exactly how you feel. When my last left home- we moved away from him when he started uni- we retired & both started volunteering and doing all sorts of interesting things we couldn't do when we worked.

Now that we have started to have grandchildren, we're going into reverse. We're moving back to where we came from in order to help with childcare.

It was lovely having that 10 year sabbatical of just pleasing ourselves, but we miss having the family round us and feeling needed.

So many of our retired friends either help with GC or don't have any at all and feel envious of us having them.

Dealing with how you live your pre-post retirement years is a very personal thing.

Seriously Kim, as someone who has shared the same feelings, I would strongly recommend getting a hobby or rediscovering an old one. It is wonderful to start to discover the individual you used to be (and still are) before life and children took over. Do something for you, all on your own! It's amazing

Thank you for all of your thoughts, I just need to get my head in the right place, time to move onwards and upwards.

I am with the weird ones - never had an qualms about 'empty nest syndrome'. Perhaps because I was working at a school and surrounded by children, but I don't think so. It is rewarding to see your children flee the nest and become independent adults, so much better when they are welcomed into your home for a visit.

For years I thought I was the only one who wasn't sorry when all the children moved on. They are still very close and then all the grandchildren arrived. Anyway we now have time to do the things that we have always wanted and to go where we want. They know we are always here when they need us. We are quite happy with our lives now.

I still miss having my children at home. DS has just moved out after having gone, come back, gone, come back, but this time I think it's final. He had been back for a year and I'd got used to having him around. I'm busy with work, minding grandchildren, and slaving over a horse, but I still love nothing better than having them all under my roof occasionally and then all feels right with my world. I think it does take time to adjust but you are not alone Kim.

I can recommend getting a horse. Gives you no time to think about anything else

I'm another weird one, much as I love all 5 and enjoyed the years of having a full and busy house I was ready for it by the time the last one flew the nest. The old boy on the other hand positively pined for the "old days", but then he hadn't spent years at home with littlies and many more washing, cooking etc for what felt at times like an army!
Be proud of the independent adults they have all become and invest in yourselves now. You'll still be there when they need you...and they will, just in different ways as time goes on.

Irma its so nice to know someone else to whom empty nest syndrome is an anathema. Kim it takes time to get used to a different life style, take each day as it comes for a while and things will start to change. You don't have to fill your spare time with activity, just smell the roses for a while.

I must be weird, I loved it when the children moved out, they're close by and know where we are if they need us. Now retired, I do glass and pottery classes OH does art and volunteers at a local centre with IT queries. We walk, cycle, go out for meals, our days are full.

If you are working full time then that sounds a lot to me!

It does take a while to adjust to not being the lynch pin of a family, but we all get there in the end.

Take heart and look at all the good things that you have - happy healthy children and GC, and better to come when you retire and have a life of your own.

You still are needed, but in a different way and in a different role. Life moves on, things change and we just have to adapt.