Cheated on at 68

Will you not always 'wonder'? if you continued to be 'a couple'. I would. No advice though.

What a horrible experience for you Mrs Trellis! Can you forgive him for this lapse? It wouldn't ever be the same, you'd never really trust him would you?
Personally I would tell him where to stick it, again!

Hello and welcome Mrs Trellis . Do you come from North Wales by any chance? Fellow fans of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue will know what I am on about!

I am with HildaW on this, take your time. I expect you are wondering if this has happened before, and he just got caught out. I don't think you will ever trust him, which would be difficult to cope with.

good reply Granny

mrstrellis welcome.

What a wily old fox, eh? I wonder whether he would have unburdened himself to you if he wasn't caught. Marvellous that he can perform in bed despite having had enough wine to turn his head. The flattery must have done the trick. Why couldn't they just have had a lovely warm and affectionate visit without the bedroom shenanigans?

I always think re this sort of thing - is the transgression acceptable to you? Clearly not, or you wouldn't be upset/devastated by it.

So, then the next question is - how do express just how upsetting it was for you if you carry on as a couple? If nothing changes, then how do you ensure that the message he gets isn't that you overlook infidelity or even condone this behaviour in some way? How do you retain your dignity?

I'd make a break in the now muddy waters of this relationship, with an aim of getting to "clear water" and then see whether the relationship is worth rebuilding. Let him explain to friends and family why you're taking a break from being his "partner".

It must have been a shock for you and I feel for you,do you have access to this "boyfriends" house and walked into the situation ? I would suggest you have nothing more to do with him as the old saying about leopards comes to mind,he seems to fancy himself as a bit of a jack the lad imo and not worth bothering with.
Get yourself out and about and meet new friends ladies as well as men and enjoy your time not tied to one person.

I have always felt that retaining one's dignity is such events is the best way to cope. It stood me in good stead in my 30s and resulted in the ex bitterly regretting his action and me being able to walk away with my head held high (despite the fact I was broken hearted at the time. Keeping ones head up, not resulting in knee jerk reactions gives one time to assess what is really happening and how one really feels about it.

Take your time - its best to let life surprise you rather that actively pursue it.....I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised....and good luck m'dear! P.S. he sounds a died in the wool rotter to me.

That must have been awful for you Mrs Trellis. I do wonder about his commitment to you and the relationship. Personally I would rather be alone and happy than constantly worrying what he was doing.
I don't think any of us independent ladies need a man to validate us.

What a shock for you Mrs Trellis and it's possibly made you wonder how many other times since you've known him has he been 'bettered' by wine and flattery

I would suggest you don't actively seek another 'boyfriend' at the moment. If you feel the need of a companion when you go out, start off by going to places you've been before where you'll know where the loo is, see familiar faces etc so feel comfortable. Wait and see what happens while you get yourself together again.

My dear old scottish granny used to tell me as a teenager not to go out looking for a man, the right one will come knocking on your door. I told her I didn't fancy the milkman or coalman so would have to go out

Welcome to GN MrsTrellis
I have no advice just sympathy and I didn't want to read and run.
I'm sure someone will have some wise words.