Cheated on at 68

If you hadn't gone round you would be non the wiser, why would you want him? Do you not feel you can manage on your own without a man? I do get lonely sometimes for male company since my husband died, but although I like chatting to men and enjoy their company I know it is better I am on my own as I could never have that relationship I had with him. If it hadn't been so good perhaps I would have a different attitude and not get lonely, who knows. I do know I wouldn't put up your partners antics.

You know I read this and a song came into my head.
Let him go ,let him tarry ,Let him sink or let him swim.

pinkcat that made me smile. Imagine if it is the same man.

But I didn't quite understand, were you the woman in the bed or the one at the door?

Mrs Trellis. reading your initial post something jumped out at me. It may mean nothing, but you say you went round to his house unexpectedly and found him in bed with someone. Did you often pop round unexpectedly, or perhaps you were suspicious and that prompted your visit? What are the chances that a rare impromptu visit would find him with another woman?

My point is, this may not have been a one off, just a one off being caught out.

As someone else pointed out, there are more attractive women in the older age group than there are men ( both in looks and availability - oops!) and these frisky older blokes can have their pick.

I can understand how upset you are but when the trust goes, things are never the same. I wish you well in your choice.

Well, I'm not a woman but I still want to give my suggestion on this. I think what he did to you is really wrong. If he preached that he likes you then he shouldn't have had any relationship with anyone. Things should have stopped with the wine and not more. As a man I would say, if a man truly loves a woman then he will not think of another no matter what. In your case I think it was just an infatuation or something, that we men usually confuse it with love. I think you should just keep him as a friend and not go beyond it.

His name wasn't Philip by any chance? This happened to me last week....but apparently it was the other woman's fault for looking at his phone and reading the texts to me!! Readers I dumped him!!

Don't trust him.

I did read it before posting.

At one time I was working with an very attractive older woman who had a relationship with a gentleman who did not want to commit himself. One thing i learnt was that there are a great deal of older attractive single women looking for men and there are men out there who play the field.

You seem to have had a good relationship with your boyfriend for 2 years but he obviously is very comfortable having casual sexual encounters when the opprtunity presents them and he seems very able to make these opportunities. At 74 he could be thinking he needs some insurance for someone to care for him in his old age and he obviously loves you in his way but loyalty doesn't seem to be something he understands.

You can carry on the relationship but I think it will eventually fall apart as you now doing trust him.

Sleaze ag, would he have told you if you hadn't found out? Ditch him, keep your dignity and let him explain to all why you are not still a couple. Don't go looking for anyone, just get out there and enjoy your self and see wha happens. Bastard!

collegirl, there's no need for anyone to be looking for the 'right man'. And just because it might be difficult to find him even if you are looking, that's no reason to dump your dignity and stay with a cheat. There's no fixed long term relationship to maintain in the OP's situation. Believe me, it's much better to be single than to be with the wrong man.

Interesting that you clearly never felt that he was someone with whom it was worth investing in a marriage. You have been proved right and have had a very fortunate escape! Run for the hills and don't ever think you need to hang on to him as slithery eels and untrustworthy men are just not worth the effort.

I agree with those who advise you to LTB. Mumsnet speak may be less than polite but it cuts through the waffle.
You deserve better.

Too easy to dump and then regret. However gorgeous you are at 68, to find the right man is going to get more and more difficult. Loads of men are flawed by the time they reach the sixties, and it is a real pity for a moment of madness to kill off a lovely relationship.

You will never trust him gain - end the relationship asap.
From one 68 year old to another

Hi a bit late on the response but to say only you know if you can rebuild the trust, if the relationship was deep and good enough to want to repair it and if you can be bothered.

I am sure you can seek and find a new partner but if it is just for the sake of 'having a partner' regardless of whether you care strongly about them I personally could not be bothered with the effort!

If it were me I would start building up "non-partner potential" contacts and friends and getting on with life as a singleton. A new partner might turn up or things may heal with current chap, either way make sure you are the one calling the shots!

Thank you so much to all you lovely ladies who took the time to reply. I appreciate your advice. And to those who asked, no I'm not from North Wales, just a massive fan of I'm sorry I haven't a clue X

Being cheated on is soul destroying. Who needs it? From experience I know you will never trust again. You won't respect someone who doesn't respect YOU enough to keep it in his pants. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Agree with nanna58 you will be glad you got rid of him in a few months time.even though you don't feel like that now.
I come from north Wales shysal.

Yes Teddy 123 and Nana58 are exactly right. Value yourself.

Dump the b*****d . You're worth more

Collgirl1. Yep you defenitely went against the trend suggesting that Mrs Trellis should TRY behaving ALL UPSET

I expect she won't have to 'try' as clearly she's very upset.

Who at the age of 68 would want to play 'games' pretending this and that. She's not a teenager!

Sorry to be so blunt ..... But really!

collgirl who would fall for the "a moment's madness" story? I bet it was all planned.

He is a cheat - and a liar.

Mrs trellis must decide whether she can live with that knowledge.

He cheated on you. If you forgive will he do it again? Probably!

Move on..you are worth more than this. Enjoy your life without him.

I think I am going against the trend, but perhaps you could consider how much you enjoyed his company and the good times you had together. I personally would try being 'terribly terribly hurt', and get him really upset about how you feel. Then give him your conditions for remaining friends. Don't throw away a good friendship just for a moment's madness on his part - life's too short for that and you might stay without that companionship for ages before you find someone you really like again.

Get shut! ....you sound like you deserve much better.