Step daughters , husband and more

Cathmary, I can only agree with other posts on this . Go to your daughter and grandchild, they need you at this very difficult time. Let the others get on with it.
If you don't go you will regret it
Horrible situation with the little one. Stay strong

What a difficult situation for you, especially the situation with your own grandchild, I feel for you. I don't feel I can offer any solutions other than those that have already been suggested. Thinking of you.

I think as Jalima has put it perfectly that you go to support and help your daughter and perhaps insist that the house is to be in a better state than when you left.

I suggest you go to London for the entire week - have a nice little break and spends lots of time with your poorly little one. You might fit in a bit of sightseeing and shopping too!

Leave husband to sort his guests out

So sorry to hear about your grandchild Cathmary that must be so hard for all the family. Of course your daughter has priority at this time, no question, just ask your husband and family to help in the house as Jalima says whilst you are away. Do not miss out on this precious time with your own family.

Tell him you're looking forward to seeing them, you hope he can cope with all the extra work entailed and how sorry you are that you won't be there for the whole time, but that the DD and the DGS must make themselves at home.
but please leave my kitchen as you find it ...

I agree, go away for half term to see your own grandchild, leave your husband to cope, if he has not considered you, then you must think about yourself. Marriage should be a partnership and your if your husband does not treat your children equally then you have not been left with much choice.

Do not miss the time with your terminally ill grandchild, you can never get the time back and you will be left with regrets in the future.

Sometimes (quite often actually) my husband invites people for meals or to stay without fully appreciating what else is going on at the same time, but we have an arrangement that if I have other things going on then he will take care of his invited guests. This is never contentious, just an acknowledgement that life (and guests) need to be 'managed' in a way that has the best outcome for everyone.
I suggest that you simply say to your husband the outline of what you've said on here: that you have other commitments and that you'll do what you can to help out, but you would appreciate it if he took primary responsibility for his guests.

I agree with Liz46 go to your daughters and let them get on with it. I bet your husband changes his mind quick sharp.

I think that perhaps your daughter with the sick 5 year old may need your help for that week! Just go and let them get on with it.

Men are quite capable of doing the washing, ironing, cooking, shopping as DH is proving admirably at the moment. Cleaning leaves a lot bit to be desired but I'm not grumbling.
Anyway, the cleaning will need to be done after the visit of three boys, so don't worry too much beforehand.
Give your DH a list of what needs to be done or share the chores.

Who will be in charge when you go up to London? Let them get on with it and enjoy the party (even more reason not to do the cleaning before they come!).

How many bedrooms have you got? ( not being nosy but practical) could you embrace the visit with a timetable of who will do meals on which day. Get DH do shop for the lot . Suggest that x amount of gardening help is done by someone and that there are curtains to be hung and sheds to paint. Do not be a shy retiring rose.

I will give it some thought - but just wanted to say you have my sympathy - what a difficult situation for you.