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Last chance at life!

(7 Posts)
Bean123 Sun 09-Oct-16 20:18:04

I'd really appreciate comments/advice. Now in my late 50's after 15 years marriage to my second husband I find myself so miserable. We never go out, he will do anything to avoid socialising. He drinks too much - was in bed at 6pm this evening after starting drinking at lunchtime. He dislikes my grown up children and makes that clear. They now avoid visiting as he makes them so uncomfortable. He has a nice little part time job whilst I work full time. I do want to leave but worry about having to pay rent for the rest of my life as couldn't afford to buy. I also worry about the insecurity of life on my own. Overriding that though is the fear of living the rest of my life being unhappy. I have tried to improve our relationship in the past but it always slips back to this feeling of dread. Any advice would be gratefully recieved.

tanith Sun 09-Oct-16 20:36:41

Bean123 having lived with alcoholic husband for many years I left to save myself from the misery I could see as my future. I understand your fears, I would discuss it with your children and make a proper plan of how it could be managed if you left.
I wish you luck and happiness in the future.

Christinefrance Sun 09-Oct-16 20:48:41

Sounds like you will be happier living alone Bean123 and that is the way to go I think. I left too and it was such a relief to be able to relax and enjoy life. Of course it's not all plain sailing but I'm sure as tanith says you can enlist the support of your children. Good luck.

glammanana Sun 09-Oct-16 21:08:27

What is being able to buy a property again against your future happiness you could apply for a nice little flat under social housing if need be and depending on your income receive help with any rental payment,you are far too young to be thinking of putting up with this kind of misery and deserve some pleasure in your life get your children on board and go it alone I certainly would not consider putting up with the lifestyle you are living at present.I wish you all the best for the future.

italiangirl Sun 09-Oct-16 23:08:07

I have a,husband who works,all hours and avoids,socialising my son disappears to his room and then there I am alone it feels .Have considered moving out,so I can do my own thing .I think I have some idea of where you are.He does not drink however gets angry at what seems a trivial matter I wonder some days what it's all about .Bean 123,we might be online I shall stop to think of you hope that you don't mind me sharing my stuff Good luck with any plans you make .

vampirequeen Sun 09-Oct-16 23:52:04

Your husband sounds like my ex.

Believe me being in rented accommodation for the rest of your life is a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Plan your escape carefully. Find somewhere you like to live. You don't have to rush but set yourself a target time. I started sort of planning around June but only properly got myself motivated in October. I moved out at the beginning of January. I had rented a house in a different area to where I lived so that I didn't bump into him by accident and so that he couldn't find me. Neither did I tell him where I was moving to. Don't worry about's amazing how little stuff you need to own to be comfortable but there will be some things that you'll need or have sentimental value. Gradually put them in storage at one of your children's houses. The odds are he'll never notice things going ex never did.

Moving out will be one of the scariest things you'll ever do but it's so worth it. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

rubylady Mon 10-Oct-16 00:09:30

Get onto the local council and see about applying for a house or flat. Believe me it is not all you see on tele, we are a lovely bunch of people, living in social housing, kind, friendly and always willing to help each other out, especially when first moving in. Be kind to yourself and take that first step. Baby steps, that's what it takes, but slowly it comes together and you can spend your life then with people who are worthy of you. Take care. X