Hugs but no kisses

Lewlew I remember that thread you mentioned, and I was one of the few who felt that the poster should make it perfectly clear to her son that he was doing wrong. In that case, if I remember, there were very young children involved.

Personally, I am concerned that Granadier75 is going to get badly hurt, as well as others. She sounds as if this is the last thing she needs.

Apologies for many typos but im using my phone as I'm away on holiday!

I dont think any of us should be judging or censoring Granadier. It must have taken some guts to post her feelings which are clearly worrying and upsetting her a lot. She needs reassurance and compassion.i think she's in the grip of an anxiety obsession and suffering a lot of guilt and shame. I'd recommend therapy but with someone experienced with dealing with uncomfortable feelings, ocd, shame and guilt. That might mean going private but it's worth seeing your gp first. I wonder if the infatuation is a red herring and the problem lies rather deeper. You need help dealing with it.don't suffer alone....tell your gp you're suffering uncomfortable feelings and thoughts which are obsessing you and causing you much distress. Tske it from there but emphasise the obsession. Be prepared to pay but hopefully there's low cost help.out there for you. Keep posting, Granadier, and gentle hugs to you. Xxx

You mentioned that you usually go out to dinner with this married couple. Being alone can be difficult and sometimes a person can end up feeling like the 'third wheel' but no matter the situation, married people should always be off limits in the 'romance' department especially if they also happen to be your friends.

If this man is putting out 'romantic signals' he is being unfaithful to his wife and to his marriage.... if you are a willing participant you are no friend to his wife either. I won't presume to tell you what to do, but I think you already know.

You sound such a Siily woman. Just keep your dignity and back off. The days of being an irresistible woman are over for you + he belongs to someone else.

How wonderful for her Jalima. I bet she didn't wrestle him off a friend of hers though!

My DSIL found someone else when she was 80!

We agreed a long time ago not to kiss

Do you mean a good, old-fashioned snog like teenagers or a peck on the cheek?

I think her hormones should jump in a different direction Lewlew

Get a grip Granny, and not of the object of your desire. He has a wife.

I cannot bring up more than the last 3 posts that 'I'm On' , they seem to have dropped off my profile!

Just thinking... there was a previous poster whose son was tempted away from his wife by the older successful woman and many (including myself) thought she was a bit of a predator and playing with the OPs son and that the DIL was suffering unfairly and didn't want to meet son's new older girlfriend yet, etc. Sorry I can't find the post.

Yet many in that thread said the DIL had to get on with it, and the OP too... and that the OP has to support her son, etc as that's the way things have turned out and it's a done deal.

Now Granadier admits to a fantasy infatuation involving kissing (so far), that may or may not be returned in some way and is getting serious condemnation. She hasn't decided to take this woman's husband away, just talking about her feelings.

I'm confused. She hasn't done anything, and may be wanting support so she doesn't cross the line.

Personally I envy her that her hormones still jump! I love my DH and we are happy, but physically we struggle. Me with terrible vaginal dryness that does not get better with the suppository estrogen, or gels. I bleed, really...thin vaginal walls (hereditary)! Poor DH (age 74) gets ED 'sometimes', not all the time. He takes a few meds for things and cannot take ED meds. We are so out of sync now for traditional intimacy. But we muddle through with creative alternatives and would never seek out another. I don't even get excited when I see a hot looking silver-haired hunk sadly, so I know it's not my wonderful DH.

I guess I just envy this lady that her body still leaps with desire. Wish there was a pill for THAT!

Now... Granadier, find yourself an available man and enjoy all the benefits of a full relationship... physical and emotional! I just sent my school days friends back to the US. One is my exact age, 67 and a widow. She did find someone her age and just glows. They have none of the troubles me and my OH are having. However, she did say she gets tired more easily afterwards... hee hee. Get out there and live and love someone you can call your own!

Think some comments are abit harsh, but having been in his wife's position and all the pain and hurt that goes with it I do understand where people are coming from.Feelings are feelings and no matter what age you are they can still send you dizzy and giggling, but my thoughts are that he should not be involving you in anything to do with his life I feel he's more to blame than you,he's married your single.Join a club via the library or coffe morning and get some girlie friends instead of pinning all your time on spending time with them. Eventually you will realise it's wrong no matter how much your infatuated.

You seem to think that if you don't kiss him, nothing is happening. That isn't true. If there was nothing, why would you have even discussed boundaries with a MARRIED MAN? It isn't fair on his wife, who, if she has eyes in her head, can see that at least you have feelings, and possibly her husband too. This man is prepared to hug you and include you in social events, and be a confidant to you, knowing what inferences his wife will draw from this, no matter what he, or you, may say. He doesn't sound like a very nice person, because, make no mistake, he is hurting his wife by his closeness to you, even if she knows he will always come home to her. And frankly, if i was his wife, you would have been very firmly been set at the correct distance, with a very clear and plainly-phrased warning to step over my boundary at your own peril. No one can tell you not to feel something for him, nor should we, but have some self-respect, and some respect for another woman, and keep yourself at enough of a distance not to risk hurting people, yourself included.

You use the word, 'infatuated', and if that's true, infatuation passes. Being in love is totally different. We can't chose who we fall in love with, but this man is not available for you to form a long term relationship with. The age difference is not in the frame and how you feel has nothing to do with the age you are.

Infatuation passes and you are free to seek new pastures. To stay on this treadmill is not good for you, regardless of whatever feelings this man has for you. Seek out new interests that get you out meeting different people. In time you will find someone that is free to connect with you.

Good luck.

Granadier 75 you say you are in your late 60 s, sorry for your loneliness, but there are other men out there who would love your company, I am sure, so get out there, and leave your "best friend " to his wife.

I don't think MrsMopp lacks confidence just that there are women out there who pursue married men without a thought of the heartache it will bring. OP doesn't sound like this but if she has these thoughts probably better to keep away. No wonder his wife doesn't respond to her husbands hugs if he is also hugging another woman often. One that he has made a pact not to kiss.

for Aepgirl hope you have come through the pain of it all

Er, HELLO I think that I had first dibs on Lord M - so no following him to his chambers or anywhere else!!

We don't own another person. Just saying!

you need to get out of their lives and move on. This is just a crush because you are lonely.Move on and you will soon get over it.

My husband of 37 years left me for another woman (same age as me). When I asked him how long the affair had been going on his answer was that 'they had only kissed' - there's no such thing as 'only a kiss' when he's not yours to kiss. Leave him, and his wife, alone!

Jalima,, Hands off Lord Melbourne, He,s mine, I would follow him to his chambers if he asked, !!!!

A fantasy kept to yourself is one thing but don't for a moment think that your body language will not be saying things to other people. No doubt he also enjoys the teenage thrill but you are both playing a very risky game.

Ask yourself this simple question. How would you have felt if he had been your husband and another woman was writing this about him?

Believe me that best friends do sometimes cross a line and in doing so cause incredible hurt to so many people, as well as themselves.

I do feel sorry for you but there are other far more positive ways of combating loneliness.

Granadier: You probably know, as most of us do deep down, that the best sex always happens in your head, especially when you have the mind of a flirty young girl but the body of a woman in her late 60s. Leave the affair right where it is - in your head. Taking matters any further will spoil a friendship with two people whom you obviously like and you could end up even lonelier than I suspect you are now. You might also find yourself the victim of gossip and that others may shun your company. Maintain your dignity and reputation. Enjoy the fantasy but recognise it for what it is. Best wishes.

I have a dear friend who was widowed many years ago. She loves wining and dining but doesn't seem to have a social circle who seek out interesting places. Quite often I suggest to my husband that we include her and he is reluctant to do so. Recently he suggested we go to a place we hadn't been to before and he invited an old friend of his . I suggested adding my friend but he came out with she always makes me feel uncomfortable. I vaguely thought that she got a bit silly around him . I put two and two together and won't invite her when we go out. Sad really .

Granadier isn't a predator. If she was she'd have aimed to get him rather than agree that they would take it no further than friendship.

The man seems equally fond of Granadier. Perhaps this is a mutual fantasy. Both know it's only a dream and never going to happen but there is no harm in a fantasy.

I don't know why some people are being so negative. You can't help who you have feelings for, you can only control your behaviour. Granadier made it quite clear in her post that neither she nor the man intend to take it any further.