Can I trust my soon to be daughter in law?

When I was married I was regarded as the flirty one (including by his mother), my husband the quiet, steady one. I stayed totally faithful, he was the one that had an affair which broke up our marriage. So you never can tell.
We can't help feeling protective as parents, but recognise that for what it is. When my daughter got married I remember thinking to myself that if he ever hurt her or played away from home I wouldn't be responsible for my actions, and I meant it at the time!
I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt Minimo, keep your suspicions to yourself. After all, he can see for himself what's going on. If she's like that in front of him perhaps she gives him plenty of reassurance in private.

not up to you to do anything about her,if you do interfere you'll likely cause a rift with your son.Nothing wrong with flirting as long as it doesn't go anywhere and no reason she shouldn't have male friends either .I've been married for 41 years and have always had male friends I find they can be far less hard work than a lot of women,who can be two faced about others in the group or bitchy.I had one friend(male ) that I had lunch with a couple of times a month and even wennt to occasional concerts With ,if my husband wasn't keen on the performer.Hasn't affected my marriage at all Try not to put your opinions on whats "right" on her ,everyone is different so let her be herself

I wouldn't say anything she may come from a huggy family I have friends who hug and some are uncomfortable with it it's hard when it's your son but he is a grown man hope all goes well .

If she is aware that you are watching her at these gatherings maybe she is doing it just for the hell of it as she can sense your disapproving looks.

If she is a natural flirt and your son doesn't like it then it is up to him to sort it out.

Don't think that's going to work.

My mother always used to say "it's the quiet ones you have to watch"

And I think she was probably right

It's a bit naughty of your future daughter in law to flirt quite so blatantly .... But it's only flirting

If she does it in front of her future in laws then don't worry about it. 'Cos it's the quiet ones you have to watch

Walk away next time her antics start so you don't have to watch ..... But say nothing ??????

In my experience people who openly flirt just stick to that. It may be upsetting to watch but you can see what she is doing. It's the people who do things in secret you need to worry about. Or as my mother always put it, "It's the quiet ones you need to keep an eye on."

I would say nothing, even though It is very difficult. Once said, it can never be taken back and may well be thrown back at you in the future.

Keep well out of it, you will be the bad guy whichever one you tell, they will close ranks on you then you will always be on the outside, think about when grandchildren come along & they leave you out of their lives as well, not worth it even though I know how you feel, if your son does say anything to you about it just say maybe you should mention it (don't say tell her) & leave it at that don't sound judgmental, hope everything sorts itself out for you x

What a tricky situation for you. But you are right, there is nothing much you can do. Your son will hopefully sort it out.
I had a similar situation once, - in this case my son was already married to her! I watched her increasingly flirt with his best friend who was sleeping on their sofa at the time. I did of course tell my concerns to my son, but said nothing to my daughter-in-law. The marriage did break up, and afterwards I did have my say and told her what I thought of her,especially as there were two small children involved.

I've become more and more of a "hugger" as I get older. DH is seriously disabled and if I touch him I cause him great pain but I need occasional physical comfort/support so I have lots of friends of both sexes whom I hug, but who know that it's just a sign of friendship, not flirtation nor an invitation. Honestly, minimo, my advice is to stay out. They'll sort it out in their own good time and it's your DS's issue, not yours.

When I was a young woman (late teens/twenties) I used to flirt in social situations it wasn't about being attracted to anyone but was a sign of nerves! I stopped when my husband to be pointed it out and explained that it upset him! I then started being more mindful of how I interacted and more careful to behave appropriately! Perhaps your son will speak to his GF and explain how it makes him feel I doubt she knows she is doing it to be honest!

If they are due to get married next year I should sit tight and say nothing. If he doesn't like her behaviour with other men he will have to speak up before then...they will have to sort it out between themselves. Not your job to interfere.

There is not a thing you can do about your son's choice of partner. It is up to them to make their own mistakes.
IF ONLY their mistakes did not involve us it would be fine, BUT they do.
It is absolutely no good telling grown up children anything for their own good. You waste your breath. It is best to keep out of it and get on with your own life, as life is very short. Easier said than done, I know.
The worry about children never stops.
I am taking my own advice more and more though, the older I get.

I wouldn't be non-committal - I would say to DS - if you are having any problems in a relationship, it is up to you to decide the best way to tackle them.
You can either leave things to stew over, or try to sort things out before they become too difficult to tackle.
Adult relationships can be difficult and through your life and in marriage, you will find it is all about choosing the right moment if possible, and be honest, calm and listen, too; then work out a compromise that both parties agree with!
(hmm)

I agree with others, it's difficult to watch possible problems looming but you have to leave things to them to sort out. Be careful too if he does speak to you about it as Legs55 said anything negative may come back to bite you. Much easier to deal with their problems when they were little wasn't it ?

I agree with others that you need to leave well alone. If your DS comes to you with his "fears" try not too be negative or that can backfire on you, just be very non-commital. I know it's hard but you must take & step back & just hope it's harmless & that your DS is happy.

Hard to watch very very hard but there's nothing you can do as awful as that feels just be there to pick up the pieces if and when

This rings a bell with me. My MIL warned her son that I was too flirty... went as far as telling him I was flighty!

He married me anyway and 46 years on it seems to be going well !!

Oh dear not your problem to deal with ,

I really sympathise with your situation. 13 years ago, at my sons engagement to his (now ex) partner, I overheard her introduce a male work colleague to a friend of hers as 'my soulmate'. The male colleagues eyes never left her all evening and there was much eye contact made between them. Son didn't appear to notice as he was busy circulating and handing out drinks. But I could see a situation unfolding although I could say nothing to my son. It was very upsetting as they had been together 3 years (though not living together). I did say to DH though that I was sure these two were having an affair. Just three weeks later she told my son she didn't want to get married and they split up. Apparently she continued with her 'soulmate' for a few months until he was convicted of drink driving and was banned from driving.
She then tried to resume a relationship with my son but he had moved on. Shame really as she was a really lovely girl but when she had a drink she changed personality.

All you can do is hope and be on standby ready to offer comfort to your son if it goes pear shaped. Good luck

It's not really your place to trust or not trust her, that's your son's decision

I didn't "trust" a friend's boyfriend 20 years ago when I'ld seen him flirting in an "over the line" way with other people at social events. They type of flirting that was beyond just friendly flirty and would be a deal braker for me

They're still together, married & children, she seems happy with her life..

She's the one who has to be in a relationship with him not me

I find it hard to be positive about/to him but i force myself - that's my problem though not his or hers.

Say nowt. If he is not happy about it he will have to take responsibility for dealing with it.

Tough being a parent eh?

oh, alarm bells. Sorry minimo. Your son does need to deal with this but it's hard if not impossible to watch your child heading for a crash. I'm hoping this won't be the case of course but it doesn't look good. If she was just harmlessly flirty and he was fine with it, that's one thing but clearly he's not happy about it either and that's only going to get worse. Def something that needs sorting out before the wedding in my opinion.

As much as it understandably bothers you, you need to leave it alone. If your son has a problem with it, he can deal with it like the grown man I'm assuming he is. He doesn't need his mother to manage his relationships. If you do say something to either of them (assume that he will share your thoughts with her as they are about to join as one flesh), she will look at you as meddling and will distrust you. That can affect your relationship with any future grandchildren.