Would you expect your husband to buy you a birthday card and present when you always mark his birthday with a nice gift and a card?

My husband has at times really surprised me, coming home with a bunch of flowers or buying me something really nice for say my birthdays. At other times its just a card. This year I received a pair of cycling padded knickers! So at least I know he listens to me when I complain after cycling. I am the same with him, always a card, in fact one year it was a recycled card as I didn't have time to buy one so hunted out last years that he had kept and told him I was saving money towards something special. We are just relaxed about the whole thing. On the subject of Christmas, like radicalnan hate the whole build up to it and now never give presents to the family instead a donation to some charity, a village toilet etc., post details onn facebook and thats it.

Sorry, but I think he is really mean! In 32 years of marriage I never had a card or birthday present from my husband. But after Christmas he always gave me some cash to go round the sales, so that was something at least.
Can you not talk to him about this? Marriage does require some effort and men can be so thoughtless.

Perhaps jokingly say where's my present? Since her hasn't got you one insist you go shopping together and pick your own present and make sure he pays for it.

Obviously you do care about getting a present and you being happy should matter to him.

Sometimes men need a push in the right direction

Venus I can understand and sympathise as your husband is ill.

We give each other cards on BD's, and our anniversary is within a couple of days of his BD (planned that!) so never forgotten

I have to say that card shops are disappearing fast in our area! Two have closed. Am not surprised really as they were Hallmark vendors and very expensive. £3-5 for a card?

However, Christmas is a different story! About 10 years ago we gave each other huge £5 A5 size cards with pages of sentimental verses directed to each spouse as we'd taken a big holiday so didn't exchange many presents. I keep Christmas cards to check against the list of friends and family for the next year, and those cards got mixed in with them.

Now every year, I display those same two cards on the mantle. Everyone says... oooh, nice cards, where did you.... We have such a laugh about it. That's easily £100 we have saved over the last ten years on cards of that size! And the verses inside still apply.

My DH and I never bothered about cards or presents for each other and were both fine with that

As you are not fine with it, tho, you need to have a chat about it some time when no birthdays are near.

I have been married for five years and neither of us can remember our wedding anniversary but he does remember my birthday, mostly at the last minute. This year I received three small cactus? nice! So for his birthday I have given him a diary with all our family's birth dates. He hates Christmas and refuses to send gifts or Christmas cards to family or me.?
I have now stopped sending gifts to his family for birthday or Christmas as they never acknowledged mine.
I have just booked a Christmas break for us coming back to the UK he hasn't said too much but I know he is looking forward to it.
He is the same about holidays moaning and refuses to book anything, so this year I called his bluff and went on a two week cruise with a girlfriend? he wasn't impressed? other than that he is very loving and attentive.Men!!

Pam I would agree about the Christmas cards as it would be fairly pointless if you are in the same house.

It would appear from so many of the posters above that communication is key if hurt feelings are to be avoided. If you are not bothered then it is fine if nothing is forthcoming but a little something is much appreciated and the thought makes a big difference.
It doesn't have to be expensive anyway. DH made me a batch of ginger jam which was just heavenly and I did let him share it with me as it is his favourite too.

Goodness me do you actually tell him so? Or ask him where your card is? If not it will just continue every year! he would have nothing for his birthday and if he queries it say "well you haven't got me so much as a card for the past three years so I'm not buying you one if it's not reciprocated! For goodness sake I'd be extremely angry on my birthday if I got no card and telling him so! You're 8 years married- tell him how you feel!!!

Do you think he understands that you feel this is important ? If he doesn't then I would try and explain it to him. If he still continues to ignore it after that, then you have a problem. Couples should understand their partner and what matters to them.

I definitely expected a card and present from my husband and would have been hurt if he didn't bother. I think it depends on how he was brought up and whether they celebrated birthdays. But that doesn't mean he cant change, and if you have a close relationship you should speak to him about it. Do you have children? If so what happens on their birthdays. He is probably uncaring in other ways, that you just accept.Some men find it difficult to buy presents, in that case you buy something and he can pay for it.You must be hurt by it otherwise why put it on here!!!

Although as some say 'its just a card' for me its more than that, its the spoken word put down on paper. Sometimes when I have a sort out of the wardrobe, its one of the joys to see those words written down. I'm afraid I really would be resentful, that someone I care for 'couldn't be bothered'

So sad for you that you've gone 3 years without cards and gifts, you must have been very disappointed, but have you actually told him how you feel? My husband made the mistake of buying me gifts but failing to wrap them the second year we were together, I thanked him at the time, but brooded on it all day, and in the end told him quietly that I was really disappointed that he hadn't wrapped them, as it had taken all the joy and surprise of unwrapping out of it. He's never made that mistake again, but if I hadn't told him I think it may well have become a pattern as he really didn't know how I felt. My advice - talk to him.

Oh, and a belated Happy Birthday!

Celebrating birthdays is traditional, be it in a small way or big. I think the least you can expect from your partner is a card and gift.

I would be blunt and just ask him.

My late husband wasn't well enough to go and get me a card or presents himself in the last few years. However he would ask my daughter to organise getting them. In nearly 30 years of marriage he never bought me a Christmas card as he said there was no point when you were in the same house.

I'm surprised you need to ask what to do on his birthday. Ignore it

My ex-DH never, in 28 years of marriage, bought me a birthday card and his excuse was "Well you work in a card shop so you'll have already seen all the cards!" Needless to say, I very quickly learned to reciprocate. No need to explain why he's ex hahaha.

My husband says that every day's my birthday! I buy something when I want it and it's his money I'm spending, so don't concern myself about birthdays. Infact it will be my birthday Sunday week, and I don't think I'll do anything special, or get a card, as he's been very ill. It doesn't matter, as I think it is how you are treated all year round that counts.

There are only 4 close family - self, DH, DS and MIL Xmas and birthdays we exchange gift lists of all different prices and the others all choose one or more of the items, so everything is just what is wanted and no duplication. But all of us exchange cards (yes, a waste of money in many ways, but we outdo ourselves to find an appropriate, but humorous, card which will bring a smile to the recipient's face).

I found it interesting when you said you will be 70. Over the years, I have been married 48 years we have done less and less for birthdays. We have everything we need and although my husband does give me a card, sometimes printed on the computer, presents are tricky things. I hate him to buy me anything I don't need and as I need so little it is tricky. He always asks me first now.
For my 70th I asked for a new car - and got it but if I hadn't come up with the idea I probably wouldn't have had anything.
Also I assume your husband is about the same age as you so probably now set in his ways!!

In the past my husband has bought me many lovely things (if a little obscure) so now so long as I get a card and, of course, his love and cuddles then I'm happy. If either of us need anything we get it so there's isn't anything special that we need. He is always disappointed that he can't get me something and feels guilty, but I don't want the kind of things that he buys. For the other way round, I can always think of things that I know he will love. I think it's a good match. The card is essential though and he never forgets.

I have never received a card or a present from my husband in 38 years, for birthday or Chrustmas. I'm okay with it.

It is indeed very hurtful, especially as he went to such pains for his son.

To save him any trouble in future you can give him the option of your buying for yourself, at his expense, or not buying for anyone at all, and that would include you buying for him.

I loathe getting presents, I hate the feeling that someone has spent money on me and it just makes me feel bad, not sure why, I just do. Maybe he feels the same way and would refer that you did not buy for him?

As for Christmas, it stinks !!! Why on a day appointed by other people should I have to spend money on pointless stuff......at least birthdays are personal.

The whole gift thing is a minefield and has got out of hand I think, gone are the days when a thoughtful token or much needed pair of socks was adequate and welcome. Now it is all hyped and I hate it.

...to someone else.

Drop some heavy hints two or three months before your birthday about what you would like and buy yourself something and tell him it's your present from him. Some people just can't put themselves in someone else's shoes so it never crosses their mind that something that isn't important to them might be important else.

How does he react to the card and gift you give him? Is he offhand about it as if wondering why you bothered?

My husband used to buy me books for my birthday present, because his family too didn't make a thing of birthdays, and what's more he used to read the books first. After a bit I explained that I loved having birthday presents and cards and I would help him by giving him a list of things I would like and these did not include read books, irons or kettles! This has worked very well for 42 years but it did need explaining. As did the fact that although his mother did not care for jewellery I did and I expected an engagement ring. He is the most loving, thoughtful and kind man (I think in the world) but he needed telling. He then passed this on to our sons and my DILs have cleaned up!