Would you expect your husband to buy you a birthday card and present when you always mark his birthday with a nice gift and a card?

Choose something nice for yourself- perfume / lingerie/ handbag /whatever - charge it to your joint account or get him to pay - tell him its your birthday present.

Do you choose/buy all the Christmas cards/presents? even for his family? If so, stop doing it.

Shanna perhaps it is time to start saving and do something so lovely and special that it blows DH's socks off. You would undoubtedly get a lot of joy out of it too.

if all is good otherwise why would you worry about a card? or a present for that matter. My DH is the one who usually remembers, sometimes I do , sometimes not. This year for our 42nd anniversary I forgot, doesn't mean I don't care. I just don't have a sentimental bone in my body.

PPS As for what you should do when it is his birthday ..... I refer you to my friend .....
Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby!

PS Opening your mail is totally out of order!

nancan if he took the trouble to buy a nice card and a gift for his son while you were away and when it was your birthday too then I would be more than miffed.
It would never happen with DH but if it ever did I would swiftly have picked out something very nice for myself and have had it gift wrapped. I would have bought a very soppy card, made him sign it and given him a big kiss for his generous gift and made him watch me tear off the wrapping paper.
If I was feeling super miffed I think I would have made sure it was all done in front of as many friends as possible.
As they say "the fun is in the plotting" and that is what reduces the tension or takes away the sting...... however....... it might be worth considering!?!?
In fact since it is now three times that he has failed to buy you a gift then I reckon you should get a set of some nice things! I think you have been a very patient and gracious lady!
He would not forget or neglect you the next year!

I would be hurt not to receive a card and even if a partner is completely at a loss as to what present to get, I think - although admittedly not that original - flowers and a meal out are nice.

My husband is generous and thoughtful with presents but he asks me not to buy him anything. He is difficult to buy for anyway but if I do buy something, he says I shouldn't have, especially if it is quite expensive. So I always buy a card but sometimes don't buy a present - or only buy something small.

nancan Given that you haven't indicated to him that you're not bothered about receiving cards and presents, it might be that your husband is a bit self-centred. And yet you say that he is loving and attentive the rest of the time so perhaps he just doesn't see it as a big deal. I think, on balance, it is better to have a partner who is generally caring and affectionate than one who lavishes you with gifts on your birthdays, anniversaries, etc., but does it more as a matter of form and doesn't go out of his way to be affectionate the rest of the year. But, since you find it hurtful, I wonder if you should tell him that it makes you feel unloved and sad.

I think it's a great idea - I'll try the reminding him a few days beforehand. No excuse then eh? He knows I can never forget his birthday as it's our wedding anniversary. Don't think he would dare not to buy me a WA card. I will continue to rise above it all and hope things go well for next year (especially as I'm going to be 70)

I would make it clear to him 4/5 days before your birthday that you would like a card and present. You should not have to tell him but he does not seem to understand it means something to you. We have been married 45 years together 48 years and I have always bought my wife red roses, card and present. She in return always buys me a gift and card, it's only one day a year for goodness sake. Your husbands family may not have made a big thing about birthdays so that may be like he is. Does he express his feeling in other ways. If my wife and children did not buy me a birthday card I would not be happy neither would my lovey. Don't put up with it you tell him.

Yes, of course I'd expect a present and a card or there would be trouble.

End of.

I would discuss it with him some time after your birthday and explain you were hurt and disappointed and then hopefully it will not escalate into a row and he will amend his behaviour for next year. I would continue to give him a nice birthday card/ present( modelling good behaviour!!)

It took several years when we were first married before DH realised marking birthdays and Christmas mattered to me. I still do not just leave it to chance and remind him, plus I arrange a meal out and he pays.

Some men just do not feel the same as their wives and partners about presents and celebrations.

I do think people have different views on bithdays. My family made a big deal of b'days but DHs family was more low key. SiL unused to b'days having tradition /expectations as that was not his experience.
However a card and flowers is the least one might expect & then a lovey meal out somewhere!
I would say you were disappointed you could not properly celebrate your birthday because you were away so you have booked a restaurant and that he can pay as a belated gift! Maybe he will get the message!

Yes VQ my mum's birthday was Christmas Day and she really disliked the day. I am not a massive fan of birthdays but it's nice to acknowledge it.
Whilst we were away one of his sons had a birthday too, OH asked him what he would like and we went out to buy what he asked for, together with a carefully chosen card!

It depends on what sort of birthdays he grew up with. DH's birthday is Christmas Day. His parents were uncaring abusive and barely marked Christmas for him let alone his birthday. If he wasn't brought up to mark birthdays then he won't understand how important they are.

If he always had birthdays then he needs a kick up the backside to remind him that birthdays are special. If he didn't then you need to remind him in a more gentle manner.

The odd thing is he is a very loving and attentive husband, this is why it seems so out of character. When it's his birthday I have usually calmed down and buy him presents and card as usual.

I agree, when it is his birthday, do not bother to give him anything and if he queries this, "you did not have a chance" and see how he feels, probably a bit miffed. I would not be happy.

seems hurtful to not even get you a card. Is he lazy in other aspects of your relationship? What about Christmas? I would tell him you feel a bit unloved and unappreciated when he can't even be bothered to get you a card. Opening your post too. What is that about?

You can either have it out with him or resign yourself to never having cards or presents from him for your birthday and no I would not be inclined to bother about his either. I would be quite resentful if that was my husband.