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Am I being unreasonable?

(22 Posts)
LuckyDucky Fri 28-Oct-16 11:49:27

My SIL stayed here days after her husband's funeral. I felt compassion and welcomed her. Even brought her
a mug of coffee in bed on the first morning. Only to be told later, "you woke me up." No thanks confused. MH was/is full of compassion for her bereavement - I was at the beginning.

MH drove hundreds of miles to collect her and deliver her. Am I wrong in thinking she could have offered to pay for half the fuel cost? {I certainly don't mean paying for running her about whilst here or taking her to restaurants).

I can't abide free-loaders. I feel incredibly guilty then hours later resentful and cross. Maybe I'm just tired confused

I'd be grateful for your intelligent and well crafted opinions and experience flowers Ooh, she did give me a posy of flowers.

jollyg Fri 28-Oct-16 12:09:08

An intelligent and well crafted post might help.

I think you are really tired, so rest up.

Caretaker Fri 28-Oct-16 12:16:02

If I was helping a family member out I would not be thinking what can I charge her.
Mind you my wife's family are as tight as tight can be. I was at work and the light builb went in our lounge. My wife just happen to mention it in a telephone conversation with her brother who she was talking to said he said he would come and change the builb
[he lives 5 miles away] if my wife paid him £10 'to cover the cost of petrol] my wife declined his offer.

nanaK54 Fri 28-Oct-16 12:27:59

Sorry but I think you are being very unreasonable and pretty mean spirited to boot.
I would gladly help out any family member or friend in their hour of need without worrying about any financial recompense.
Wow that's my first ever 'harsh' post.
Get some rest and see if you feel differently.

Ana Fri 28-Oct-16 12:37:17

I think you should cut your SIL some slack, she's in the eaarly stage of grief, after all.

The cost of picking her up wouldn't have crossed my mind!

So yes, I think you ABU.

Anniebach Fri 28-Oct-16 12:49:09

The poor woman is grieving, surely there are no costs to giving support and comfort

LuckyDucky Fri 28-Oct-16 13:00:07

Thanks for our quick answers.

Reading them has helped put the episode into perspective: I obviously needed a kick up the arse bottom.

annsixty Fri 28-Oct-16 13:19:25

Always give with an open hand. They take what they need, in every way, at the time. It was kind of you to have her to stay and probably wasn't easy for you.

Christinefrance Fri 28-Oct-16 14:10:05

Don't stress Lucky, we all get mixed emotions after a bereavement, sometimes a little appreciation helps. I'm sure your sister in law was glad of your support.
Enjoy the spanking ! !

Jayanna9040 Fri 28-Oct-16 14:59:12

I was horrible and totally useless and self-centred after my husband died. Bereavement is a kind of madness. Be tolerant. She'll love you for it when she's sane again! 😇

suzied Fri 28-Oct-16 17:49:32

After a bereavement she wouldn't be thinking straight so if you were in her shoes you would just be grateful that you had such caring relatives who help you through the dark days, not how much the petrol is costing. Just think you are doing the right thing.

Luckygirl Fri 28-Oct-16 17:52:50

I have a vision of you slinking away rubbing your bottom! smile

LuckyDucky Sun 06-Nov-16 22:00:51


I had an uncomfortable feeling (at the time of posting), I was probably out of order blush. I'm not usually devoid
of empathy confused

eddiecat78 Mon 07-Nov-16 08:07:07

I hate to be critical - but she may have been irritated about being woken up because she had only just got to sleep - it might have been kinder to leave her to get up and face the world in her own time.

Jayanna9040 Mon 07-Nov-16 09:20:42

Have incredibly sage advice but can only post one sentence at a time!

Jayanna9040 Mon 07-Nov-16 09:22:02

Lucky duck, you are not lacking in empathy, nobody can empathise with emotions they have not experienced.

Jayanna9040 Mon 07-Nov-16 09:23:18

Please bear with her she won't even understand her own reactions to the kindness of others.

Jayanna9040 Mon 07-Nov-16 09:25:31

Have more bossy advice but fear four posts in a row looks v egocentric!

LuckyDucky Sat 12-Nov-16 16:22:20

Go for it Jayanna;

I'd welcome could advice from you or anyone smile

LuckyDucky Sat 12-Nov-16 16:26:52

Please over look my misteake(s) grin

I'm a little dizzy blush

Winefride Tue 06-Dec-16 17:11:35

My h and I have had a static caravan for many years . He loves it . We also have a camper van and a house and all year winter and summer live between the thre . Some would think this was truly wonderful. I really have had enough . We have both recently had a flu like virus for three weeks and have lived in our little house . We go in camper van on 15th to sons in Norfolk and on to son in Yorkshire . The problem is my husband wants us to open up the static and go back for few days I don't think I can manage all the moving about and he is very angry with me just gone out to pub !! What to do . Am I being selfish ? Maybe I am but I feel ready for a change of lifestyle . All comments gratefully accepted . Can't ask the family mine or Patrick's because they agree with me so an unbiased view required

petra Tue 06-Dec-16 19:57:59

WineFride. I understand your feelings completely. We still have the motohome but have stopped doing the manic miles that we did. He thinks nothing of driving to Greece/ Turkey. Quiet frankly I got bored and fed up with travelling. Then I had to arrange a flight back to the uk after a month because I missed the grandchildren so much, then I had to fly back to wherever he was with the motohome.
I now just want to stay in my home and look after my garden.
Just tell him! And then let him sort out what he wants to do.