children who emigrate / how do you cope?

Storynanny very wise to not 'rock-the-boat

Posted before I had finished my long post!
It's always worse at this time of year, the lead up to Christmas. I jus have to remember that every family is different. It's not what I would have chosen, but my children are now adults with their own choices to make.
my lovely stepdaughters around the corner are still producing babies so there is some compensation! I have to add that they are both horrified by the attitude of aloof daughter in law and Far East son. I think it is because their mum died when they were young and they would love to have a mum to visit.

I'm still here and reading all the posts, nodding along at all the familiar stories and sadness.
I'm on my annual visit to US to see one son wife and grandchildren. Ten days this time and staying with them as they have extended the house. But they have been at work 7 out of the ten days and I just feel like a nuisance some of the time getting in the way of their busy schedule and hectic
childrens activities. Not sure I will do it the same way again, will probably stay in a hotel next year. It doesn't help that daughter in law is aloof and not particularly interested in a relationship of any sort with me. Feeling very sad though as I won't see my son for another 12 months.
Another son in Far East and his wife having a baby in December. This is the son I have talked about before over the years and my sadness that it is all about spending time with his wife's parents and not bothering to visit our side of the family much. Nothing has changed but I decided not to rock the boat and "have it out with him" as some suggested on this site. Can't bear to cause a rift and see him any less than I do. When we do occasionally do FaceTime he is perfectly pleasant and doesn't seem to have any need to speak to me often. Very hurtful but I'm just learning to live with it.

Jordana, I meant to say maybe the feelings get worse as Christmas comes near? Perhaps you feel even lonelier for your long distance family then?

Any chance of a visit in either direction this Christmas?

Silverlining, so sorry about your dd. You must be so worried. She will be in my prayers.

Linda, my heart goes out to you, too. But I agree with Yoga. I hope you can arrange to visit ds (dear son) soon.

Jordana, it was nice of you to update us. It's interesting that you're writing to us about the same time as last year. Could it be because Christmas is so near? xx

Sorry you are feeling so down Linda but your son probably wont stay there forever, go and visit him and have a nice holiday.

My Son left for the far east two months ago and I thought I was prepared for it. Not so, I feel devastated some days are better than others I have an amazing daughter and two wonderful Grandchildren who live five minutes away. But I feel so list my Son is my rock I have a husband but things haven't always been good. My Son moved back in with us about five years ago. I realise that I'm selfish and my Son has a career opportunity that he wouldn't be able to have here (unfortunately) my Doctor advised antidepressants I'm trying my hardest not to go that rouye. I've read the writeups on here and feel sad for them. I just wish I could feel different My son is happy He sends text messages and also for a couple of days he could get Skype thank you Gransnet for this forum

Yes its hard especially today as my daughter is in hospital again about to have a fourth operation with a fifth still to go.

? to all like Jordana with sons and daughter living so far away, it must be hard, knowing how much you love each other, but distance keeping you apart.

So many sad stories. We are all trying very hard in our own ways to deal with missing our families. Some days we feel positive and other days not. We don't own our children. An update on how I feel since I first opened this topic.... much the same unfortunately. A lot of health problems here and felt I needed support but thankfully, my family members here were a great support. I know my daughter who emigrated loves me and that I am so lucky to know that as some of the members here do not have that comfort. My heart goes out to them. I think of you all quite often when I feel down so please try and fill your lives with people who make you feel good

My Daughter and family live in Western Australia. They have been there for just over 4 years. I've been over a couple of times, a month each time, and loved it (though not the coming away bit)
Today is my Grandsons 10th Birthday - Oh how it hurts not to be there with them. Don't usually get low but it is hitting hard today. Will be Skyping later just hope I hold it together.

Not me. I was replying to Newatthis! ?

Eglantine21 - how about a house swap with someone who lives near your daughter? There are a number of sites that help arrange these I'm sure.

Newatthis
I replied to your message but I must have done something wrong as it went to the top of the page and you may not see it! Wishing you well.

You don't say which town she lives in. I live 20 miles from my daughter as its a cheaper location. People travel here in the US, it's a way of life and the roads are good, mainly. Maybe you could look at locating yourselves im a cheaper area and treat it like a holiday where you can meet up or visit. Maybe you could rent an apartment where you could all meet up. Just a suggestion. It took me a while to get used to traveling more than 5 miles as everything was on hand!

Happydais, I feel for you ....It's all so sad....as they say, you can be lonely in a crowd....my 3 children live within a 5 mile radius, but one of my d.i.l. is so antagonistic towards me, I hardly get to see the babies. I have to literally "beg " to see them. She pops down to visit her friend who lives just a few doors away from me, but doesn't bother to visit me. My son, who works away a lot tells me I need to sort out visitation etc with his wife. The 2 d.i.l. are very close and they, in turn are very friendly with my ex-husband's wife. So I feel I am an outsider. Everyone is hunky dory with one another and I am made to feel like the odd one out. My daughter and the other son and d.i.l. are ok but this one girl is causing me such anguish and I really don't know why she hates me so much. Thanks for reading x

Newatthis, have you tried Airbnb?

Our daughter lives in the US in one of the most expensive cities which makes it impossible for us to stay in a hotel as it is extremely costly to do so and we don't have the funds. She and her husband only has a 1 bedroom flat. Our new grandchild is due in November and I am at a loss how I will spend that time that I want there as there is simply no room for us.

Nowadays a text from a teenager is a standard sort of thank you, if you are lucky!

To me a text is an effort and a nice thank you, maybe look that way?

Thank you Starlady for your inputs. Yes, I will continue to step aside and be independent. There are two birthdays coming up. I can't face sending gifts just to get a text to say thank you. I'm so done with trying. The pain gnaws away. I'm learning to blank it out. We need our kids more than they need us.

Happydais, it sounds as if your son is under a lot of pressure right now. I suggest giving him some time to cool down and sort everything out. Meanwhile, please focus on enjoying your relationship with dd and family.

Lindastarshine, I feel for you, too. I'm concerned about how badly this is affecting you. Please seek counseling asap.

Well, we did the opposite! H and I moved to Bulgaria six years ago, leaving four grown up children and their spouses. It is very difficult for me especially not to see the six grandchildren as often as we'd like, but we're only a three hour flight away, and they visit quite regularly. I go back several times a year, thank goodness for Ryanair! We communicate via FaceTime and Skype, so in a way have the best of both worlds. Son and family recently bought a house in our village, to do up, spend holidays in and eventually (possibly) retire to. I can't see us ever returning to the UK.

Linda sorry for your pain He may come back after a while, after he has had his adventure. Many folk emigrate, only to hate it and get back on the plane home as soon as they can! Have lot's of chats with him on the phone or Skype, but you mustn't let him know how bad you feel, just say how much you miss & love him, but you look forward to hearing all his news on his new life out there.

I feel so depressed and anxious I don't sleep well no appetite tearful the list goes on. All because my Son left a month to teach English on the other side of the world. I never thought I would feel as bad it happened so quickly he was offered a job and 10 days later he was off. He was my rock we are really close. I have a husband but things have been difficult over the years and he doesn't understand why I feel like this. I am selfish I know and my grown up children have there Own lives but although I tell myself this it doesn't help