Ostracised

Sounds like you could both do with some space from this woman.Good luck with things.

Husband & I went to counselling after his affair. I heard some things there which I hadn't heard before. His dad was an alcoholic. (I was aware of this) but I heard a story about him being abusive towards his mother on one occasion which I hadn't heard before. Husband also recently told me he was sent to stay with his granny once for a fortnight , his 13th birthday came & went & his parents didn't visit him. He said he knew then things weren't 'right' at home. To me -this makes her wails of "I wish your daddy was here" even more bizarre. Ok, she has made up her mind to dislike me but why hasn't she been in touch with her son?! As a mother myself I cannot understand her. I heard my husband ask her to visit or phone is whenever but there's been nothing but silence. He suspects she is making him choose between us. Recovering from the affair is difficult enough without outside intervention. (Don't know if it's relevant but she would deny her husband was an alcoholic & insists their marriage was good.)

It's a common enough theme ( mils resenting dils!) Don't allow it to upset you, you have gone through enough.Let your son talk to his Mother when he is ready,I would not even want to speak to her again if it was me, but certainly put some distance between you and her for a while.?

What a sad situation I have nothing but sympathy for you all. Your mil is facing a sad lonely future if you cannot resolve this but none of it is your fault. I think the others are right she just can't believe her precious son could do something so wrong. Could it be there was something that happened in her own marriage that brought on such a bizarre reaction.
I think you must just keep your head down and hope things will thaw in time.

It seems like "My darling son couldn't do anything wrong without a reason - it must have been someone else's fault."
Especially if her husband is dead, son takes his place.
Very hard on you, especially as you have been brave and "stood by him".

Thanks for your reply. Husband thinks her behaviour towards me has been unacceptable. He thinks she doesn't want to believe this of him (his affair). He thinks she can't see any wrong in him & rather than admit it she wants to blame me. I think you are maybe right, she didn't like me. I've spent too long wondering why. I cook, bake, knit, sew, work, attend church, everything you'd think a mil would approve of. I wonder if she's angry because she can't find fault with me?

I can't but I feel for you.
You have been very tolerant with your H and I hope he appreciates you and you are happy together.
As for your MiL just let her come round or not as she chooses.

Hi banished well, what a strange story, your mil sounds quite nutty.
All I can think of is that she didn't like you as much as you thought.Trying to get your DH to leave you perhaps?If I were the mil ( and I am a mil btw) I would be very sympathetic toward you, and do all I could to pour oil on troubled water.What does your DH think about her bizarre behaviour?