Overlooking things that others do that we find annoying is part and parcel of any relationship

Spot on Smileless

Overlooking things that others do that we find annoying is part and parcel of any relationship, it's what we do and hope that it will be reciprocated; sadly this reciprocation isn't always achieved and relationships fall apart.

I love my MiL and FiL because they accepted my children from my first marriage when i married their son who had no children of his own, and they treated them exactly like their other grandchildren. They never favour their biological grandchildren and for that alone I can overlook any other things they do that i find annoying.

When DIL's parents visit I stay away and allow them the time to enjoy GC, I get to see them every week and they only manage a couple of times a year.

ginny we live 3 hours away from one son. Whenever we go up to see them, and we have to make an appointment first in case they are doing something else, his mil always seems to 'pop round' to do things such as trim the edge of the grass, bring 'those things you wanted' or 'just bought some fresh bread so I thought I would get one for you too' excuses. It drives me mad. It is as though we are not trusted alone with the GC or that dil needs their support when we are there. Very annoying for us anyway. MIL only lives five minutes away so I think it is not unreasonable for us to have our visit to ourselves. Is this selfish?

I do think problems with DILs stem from our DSs not wanting to interfer with their partners decisions and just want a quiet life I know my eldest DS visits us when it is convienient for DIL she controls their social calendar when they are not at work and we and we are always bottom of the list for some unknown reason, we have never fell out over anything we just don't seem to "fit".

Yorkshiregel

I love my daughter in law, shes more of a daughter to me than my estranged daughters!
My son in law, well the less said the better!!!!

I agree Smileless2012. What is more, people who talk about In Laws as though they are the joke of the week just make it more difficult for those who are already hurting from a situation that they find themselves in through no fault of their own.

Thank you annrich

Perhaps LucyGransnet, knowing some of the subjects regularly discussed on GN, and one thread in particular, a more appropriate title could have been chosen.

Yes, I have written a book about the joys and challenges of being a grandmother and I would love for some of you to want to read it (many grandmothers have loved it, as you can see from reviews), but life is more complex than just selling a book. This blog post, as well as my book, was written to help people feel they are not alone in family difficulties and even to encourage them to feel able to give voice to their pain. The title was set by Gransnet and not by me - and was certainly never intended to hurt anyone. The title of my book is Celebrating Grandmothers and I do celebrate each and every one of you (even those who think what I write is the bleeding obvious) because I think grandmothers are not given as much credit as they deserve for what they do. Depending on circumstances, some sail through all the potential difficulties with nothing but joy, but there are many others who suffer considerably as evidenced by these comments. If my writing has helped even one woman to ease some pain, it was definitely worth it.

We are lucky too. I love both my Sons in Law. Don't always agree but that's ok, we don't fall out . One has no family and the other has parents quite different to us. We meet on family occasions and get along pretty well. I am conscious that his parents don't get to see DGS as often as I do ( due to circumstances not choice ).so I tend to stand back a bit when they are around. Only have one Sister in Law and we get on very well as we have shared interests and hobbies. I get along with my Mother in Law although I can't say I have any special feeling for her. She is DH s mum and part of the family . So sad to hear of the problems so many people have.

I feel we are incredibly lucky with our 3 SILS, if we had had 3 boys instead of girls, I could not have wished for better young men (40 ish is young right?) Each is very different, but complements the DD in question, despite being different they each have some characteristics in common, as do our DDs and they all get on well with each other. They seem to tolerate their MIL /FIL well enough and (so far) have not caused anybody any grief.
( ?? Trust they keep it that way!)
I also get on well with their parents and see different aspects of my character in each of the mums with whom I have more than our children and grandchildren in common.
Lucky indeed.

Reminds me of the joke " what's the difference between in laws and outlaws? " - outlaws are wanted!

Yes, this thread is all about "buy my book" but it gives me a chance to thank all my sister grans for their contributions on this and other treads. Being a gran and MiL is not as simple as it sounds at first and I have found great solace in realising I'm not struggling alone. In fact I'm much luckier than most. Thank you all.

Or just lucky ! I am not smug about it

I know one SIL likes me , and I think the other does , but we do argue about daft things , he winds me up till I see the grin and retire smouldering ....... then we forget it , my DIL is a kind and helpful girl , I see all my GC . Must be doing something right !

It's a catchy little title isn't it; 'In laws love then or loathe them', amusing in a way unless of course you're the in laws who are loathed.

We thought we had a really good relationship with out d.i.l.; we genuinely loved her and believed her when she said she loved us too. Things began to change when she became pregnant with their first child. We weren't aware of it at the time because things were being said and done behind our backs.

The ensuing chill once he was born was impossible to ignore. We tried talking to our son so we could fix whatever the problems were, but to no avail as in truth we weren't the problem; she was.

We were eventually cut out when our GS was 8 months old, he'll be 5 in January and that was the last time we saw him and the last time we had anything other than abuse from our son. We have another GS now, he's 1 and we've never seen him up close.

I suppose this catchy, and depending on your own personal circumstances amusing title will help to sell this book but for the in laws who are loathed and lose their own child and only GC as a consequence, it's a twist of the knife that's been so cruelly plunged into their backs.

Sweet cakes - a friend referred to his partner's parents as 'my outlaws'' simply because he and DP weren't married. Everybody was happy with his little witticism!

Not a very good start if you call them 'The Outlaws' is it. Doesn't make for good relations.

I get on with two of my 3 dils. The other one is much harder to cope with. She is a scientist so we get lectures on recycling (I have recycled things all my life)and global warming. I am told that my son,who I brought up and fed along with his two brothers (while OH was totally wedded to his job)until he married at age 29 'wants to be a vegetarian so he cannot eat that', 'He doesn't like meat', etc etc. I have to bite my tongue often, especially when she says 'Oh we don't bring children up like that anymore' as if I know nothing about child care or illnesses (I used to be a nurse); I have tried honestly but sometimes I just have to leave the room when she gets on her soap box. If I buy her a present she gives it away and lets me know she has done that. I stopped her doing it now because I just send money. No doubt she says I do not bother to buy presents, but I know whatever it is I buy she will say, 'they already have one', or 'I don't like that it is hideous', or something on those lines. My other dils say I try too hard to please her. So I have stopped trying now to see if that works. Gradually she has stopped my son from seeing his friends, now it seems she is trying to separate him from his family as well...but she will never win that one. My son says 'Happy wife, happy life' if I complain to him. I dare not say too much because she knows she can stop me seeing my grandchildren. Why are some women like this? It just causes problems where there should be none. I get on with all their Mothers and Fathers by the way. When we meet we always have a nice chat and we always send each other Christmas presents.

We don't call them in-laws we call them the out-laws

zipped

curiously, my son's son and I are very close indeed, no problems from either parent.
On the other hand, the relationship between SiL, DD, GDs and us are not as easy as I would like. DD's PiL are endlessly in her house, with the children, and the rest of SiL's family are much, much closer than we are. And, curiously, always included when we do rarely visit.
Being a MiL holds great terrors and I do my best to keep it sipped, but inevitably SiL finds fault with some simple, unexpected comment from me. I am mute when with them, whether in my house or theirs [both rarely, sadly].
Don't get on with my own siblings, never talk to them now; ditto DH's sibling. Very sad - but whatever they may say, the fault was theirs telling DH to "F...off when he was calling to tell them he had cancer, etc. Not easy to forgive.

I find it particularly difficult when I am the one who has to go out in the middle of the night for hospital and other medical needs and I am the one who is expected to provide money on demand rarely if ever repaid but the other grandmother is the one who gets all the praise and glory and she sees the children on birthdays and Christmas while I am only asked over if babysitting is required. If I dont put up and shut up I dont get to see my DGC. I dont know if my adult child is ignoring this state of unfairness, too daft to see it or under duress.
It is a total disaster.
SPF

Hear, hear merlot and m0nica, I just hope nobody buys me that for Christmas. How the heck do they get their "blogs" or books published??