Money's tight

Ask her to pick up something on the way home- fish and chips or a takeaway. Make her visit their day she brings something home.

nanna58 I too am shocked that posters don't believe OP's DD should contribute financially! I think its perfectly reasonable for DD to pay her way, OP is struggling to make ends meet, how can this be fair?! I can understand your reluctance to broach the subject OP due to circumstances, but this situation appears unsustainable financially.
I think maybe get Christmas over first before you tackle it. I wish I could offer a suggestion, but it's so difficult with your children isn't it?
It is t fair on you though OP, remember that.
Good luck

Am amazed at all the posters who seem shocked at the idea of OP asking for some financial contribution. Daughter is an adult with a child, she most definitely should help, it shouldn't rest in her mothers shoulders to think up ever more economical meals to take up her slack!

I think your Daughter should offer to buy the ingredients, I wonder why she hasnt thought of this, or even suggest to give you a contribution,you shouldnt feel bad about this, your Daughter should. Perhaps it just hasnt entered her mind, have a chat and things hopefully will get better for you all.

Are free school meals an option? Then a snacky evening meal would be ok.

Smithy are things going well though? it seems they are going very well for the DD but not so much for her Mum who is feeling annoyed and resentful about being put upon .

You said your DD fly`s off the handle very easily , this is a form of manipulation ie If you do/say something I don`t like I will shout /flounce off . Just stand your ground and keep your voice low and quiet if she does this , it is hard to keep shouting at someone who remains calm xx

I wouldn't ask for money under the circumstances. As quite a few posters have already said, you can make all sorts of tasty economical meals. Sometimes its also cheaper to make double, say make enough of a stew or whatever for six and put half into the freezer for another time. I do this for one and it's cheaper, also nice to sometimes just have to heat something through instead of all the prep. If you can bear with it for a while the situation might improve in time. Don't upset the applecart at this stage when things are going well.

My parents expected us to pay a contribution to the food bill as soon as we got paying jobs, even when those jobs were only student vacation jobs. The expectation neither upset nor surprised us; we regarded it as part of growing up and becoming responsible for yourself, paying your way. I find it strange now that people think it's an odd thing for parents to ask of adult offspring.

We were also expected to help with household chores from an early age. It certainly trains you not to expect to be waited on hand and foot.

Sometimes when we're cooking for others it's easy to go that extra mile, whereas if it had just been you then egg, chips & peas would do.

If you feel it would cause friction then don't ask, but slip into very basic cooking mode, such as beans on toast, soup or left over chicken stew. You can say things are a bit tight running up Christmas, and of course after Christmas too. See how that works for a bit.

Don't ask your daughter for money; if my Mother had done that I would have been very upset. What do they want as an evening meal? Are they asking for scampi or strawberries or melon? As said, beans on toast or pasta isn't very expensive.

Sandwiches are perfectly good food (I have a healthy sixteen year old who has virtually lived on sandwiches since she was a toddler) so I don't think you need to worry about your grand-daughter.

Also, as others have said, soup is a good option to produce cheaply, and you can pack plenty of nutrients into soup with small amounts of cheap ingredients. Good luck.

I think your daughter should contribute to the cost of the food she eats but it sounds as if she's not an easy person to ask for something like that.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

The thing about asking for ingredients is difficult as it could be that if she wasn't eating with you she may very well not eat at all. As others have said soup or pasta really don't cost too much and can go far. I'd be wary about bringing it up but perhaps ask her to help tidy up after the meals.

Better to try to communicate your feelings in a gentle way than to be oppressed by bad behaviour or it will all come to a head one day and that won't be pretty. If your daughter is grown up, she should understand that you can't live for nothing and she has a contribution to make. When our son came home with his gf and child, we charged them rent but put most of the money to one side and gave it back to them when they left so they had some spare money to help them.

I agree tread carefully. You do not want to cause a rift especially in the run up to Christmas. Perhaps a moment will present itself. Has she asked what you would like for Christmas? What about saying a supermarket voucher to help with cost of groceries? It might make her realise.

Ask her to bring the meal a couple of times week.........she mustn't free load on you. I see that things have been difficult but you have taken on a lot for her, don't be exploited she would have to eat wherever she was and it is reciprocal hospitality even if it all happens at your home.

I do sympathise with you meandasy.

My daughter is the same. I also look after dgs once a week.
Although I don't want to be paid, an offer of something would be nice.

I am expected to pay out for all sorts and am also feeling quite resentful at times.

She has just become a single mum and is under stress, so I don't question too much, but trying to get money that she owes me is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

You do tend to feel put upon and taken for granted, don't you.
Good advice from all the above.
Remember, you are not alone in this dilemma.

Try giving her beans on toast or soup or pasta in tomato sauce and when she notices say that was all you could afford this week. She might get the hint?

Surely your dd should realise that food is expensive these days? So if you say you are finding it a bit too much to buy food for three instead of one and would she mind helping out she would not mind buying a bag of groceries now and then would she? After all she is getting free child care from you too which would cost her an arm and a leg. If you don't ask you will not get as they say. She may have been feeling a bit guilty for taking advantage anyway and be relieved at the suggestion.

I would tread very gently, but good luck

Hope you are getting the child benefit for yr grandchild as you re entitled

I do get benefits for dgd but its hard to find the extra needed to feed another adult.
I'm pretty good at organising cheap meals but some weeks are tighter than others.
We haven't always had a good relationship, we've only been speaking for 12 months after a long period. I'm mindful not to cause a rift, she has a tendency to fly off the handle and I don't want ill feeling around dgd.
I always make a proper meal as dgd tends to only want sandwiches at school.
She doesn't offer to wash up or tidy up either and I am feeling resentful.

If she's not too grumpy today I will gently bring it up later.

Thanks for all your advice ?

I would certainly not suggest a financial contribution, but take the good advice above about cheap and nutritious. As she is working your DD may not have time to do much home cooking but e.g a big spag Bol, bowl of chilli or macaroni and cheese for three costs very little more than for 1or 2.

Are you claiming the Child Benefit as child lives with you?

I should ask for ingredients or cook cheap n' cheerful meals like beans on toast.