Family, what does it mean to you?

Well here is a counter to that. My beloved husband died very suddenly 33 months ago. he was one of four children and his mum was still alive, she is now 100 and a fabulous woman. Some weeks after my husband's funeral I got a phone call from my Sister in L to say that they had had a family discussion. My MiL had planned to share her estate between her children but had now changed it so that it would be shared 4 ways between the 3 surviving ones and me.
I can't express how this made me feel, it wasn't about the money, it was about how they felt about my place in their family. I am an only child and both my parents died years ago but I feel like their daughter and sister. They can never replace my husband but its a great comfort that his family love me.

I juts remembered when I was helping to empty MILs falt I was very careful not to do anything without the elder brother (complete control freak) permission and wishes. I asked him if hwe would like me to empty the underwear drawers and he agreed. While I was aborting the knickers (for discarding and the bras for the charity bag) he barged over and starting rifling through. I tried to kindly say you don't have to do this (knowing there would probably be something less than clean in there) and he shouted at me 'I have to be involved' I resisted the urge to dump the knickers on his head and said 'shall I put the kettle on'. wish I'd never offered to help. Best to keep out of the way. Neither of my two SILs offered any help but accepted large bags of all kinds of tat.

I tend to think that way too, though they could have put it more tactfully.
Or family weren't very interested in Mum's and Dad's things, except for our eldest son, who chose the very few antique items.
No one else wanted them. So there wasn't any argument. I took Mum's old address book, and papers of Dad's relating to WW2 and newspaper reports of his work as a coroner. He liked history and so do I. I got all the family photos too, no one else was interested.My sister took Mum's jewelry (such as it is.)
Not a very sentimental lot, our family.

I think eediecat has put it very well. I don't consider myself part of my husbands family and they have never made me feel part of them. Conversely my husband is an integral part of my family and everyone consults him and wants his opinion and advice. I kept well out of any discussions about mil estate except to say please don't bring anything home at all.

I agree with eddiecat.

Sorry Catlover but I think I am with your husband`s family on this one. When it comes to sharing out things that come from their parents I think they should have priority over you. You could have a quiet word with your husband - ie "I`ve always liked that painting" or "please don`t have that hideous table" - but it`s probably best to keep quiet when they are discussing things together. I`d be a bit miffed if my sister-in-law started to lay claim to things that had been in my family for generations and which I might have a strong emotional attachment to.
It doesn`t mean they don`t regard you as one of the family

I'll admit those closest to my heart are my children, grandchildren and siblings. We have a strong bond. I would walk over burning coals for them if necessary. Am I alone in often having unspoken reservations about the partners my children have chosen for themselves? I support them, always, but often think they could have done better. Awful confession, but true.

My partner's family I tend to view as distant friends rather than relatives and we have amicable relationships. My ex-husband's family are still very dear to me, even though we have been divorced for over 20 years!