Giving money instead of gift/gift card.

I sent gifts for some years to a relative who was so difficult and hateful. No acknowledgement, no thanks, and in the end I decided not to bother. I have also this year stopped sending presents to a god child who has never once in around thirty years thanked us or acknowledged gifts, some of which, for 'special birthdays, have been expensive and carefully chosen. I don't feel a pang about either! Why buy presents for people you never see and who seemingly don't want to know you? Far better to give the money to charity.

Sorry, but if he wants them to receive presents, he should make the effort, after all, it's his family, whether it's money, voucher or a present. Do you receive presents from them?

I agree with the others why bother if you don't see them or even know them. Tell your husband how you feel and if he still wants to send them a present tell him to take care of it. Sounds like they care even less about you than you do about them and its time to stop shillyshallying around and call a halt to a pointless excercise.

By the way, my DH does not go out of the house since he was un voluntarily retired. Getting him to even wash and shave is often an effort. When he was freinds with his sister at least he did go there and see them! Then they banned him. Thats why I tend to take the easy way and give them gift tokens - this year money.

Even them phoning now often leads to him being angry afterwards. I warn him not to say anything controversial to them ( like about his mothers death/ fathers death/ aunts death and family generally). They dont realise this. It gets taken out on me. But thats another issue.

I think I might just send them a note saying " Fresh out of gift ideas and time this year. Too stressed to make any effort. Sorry. Please accept this with my apologies"

FarNorth - what they send us varies. In the past I have had gift tokens for PizzaHut. I have no interest in Pizza, eating out or anything else. I dislike it, as does my DH. I dont know if his family know that. Another year we got a subscription to the National Trust. Didnt use it. Last year we just got diaries as I recall.The best we got was gift tokens for Argos.

They do not know us any better than we know them I am afraid. Hence the useless gifts. Unless of course its deliberate, I know they are selfish thoughtless people but I wouldnt have thought they were malicious that way.

A lot of wasted money goes between us really.

I dont like to be rude and send nothing. I would send WWF gifts/ subscriptions to save the leopard or something (I did once send these to children who loved them) but I do think those are rather too expensive (I am sending them £25 each).

My feelings exactly, if you are estranged and don't see them, why bother with presents? Then saw that several posters had got there before me. Janeainsworth put it very nicely, but if your DH feels strongly, surely he should do the present buying?

Do they give you anything?

Tell him to do it.

OH does not know what to get. I am sure though he would be unhappy if we didn't give something. He has a strong sense of "family" and responsibility to them strangely, even when his doesn't care about him.

I am left to take care of all the gifts.

Exactly, Jane hit the nail on the head.

I'm with Jane and Kitty.

In a similar situation, I organised beautiful gifts to be sent BILs family, in order to keep the lines of communication open. ( despite DH not being bothered). I had a light bulb moment, nothing was ever going to change!

Now I don't send anything, we still get the usual card!

Exactly!

What jane said!

Here's a word suggestion:
"As OH is estranged from you, I am no longer sending Christmas gifts and am donating the money to charity instead."

Why don't you ask your OH, as they are his relatives?
In the circumstances you describe I wouldn't give them anything.
We give money to the DCs and as wedding presents, but otherwise it seems a bit pointless to just exchange money.