Division of labour?

Thank you all for your comments, which I have thoroughly enjoyed reading. It has made me feel much better already, knowing that I am not alone in having an undomesticated husband. I will try asking him to do specific tasks and see what happens. I am smiling to myself just now,thinking about how yesterday I had done 3 loads of washing and ironing, when he came through with a pile of sports clothes that he had been wearing, which also needed washing. I suggested that he put them in the washing machine, put detergent in and turn it on. He managed that, but 36 hours later they are still in the washer......I wonder when the laundry fairy will take them out?

"it remains all too easy to infer that any disparity in behavior or outcomes between men and women must be a result of discrimination, bias, or injustice

If we confuse the moral imperative to treat people as individuals, with a desire that two groups be statistically indistinguishable, we have made a mistake.

Recognizing the existence of differences between men and women should not be considered a regression for the women’s rights movement."

Short passages from an essay on what constitutes sexism by Jonny Anomaly and Brian Boutwell.

I was glad to find this essay this morning. I had been pondering on the subject of division of labour. In our household I think it is actually reasonably fair when all's said and done. My complaints up thread were not really about DH not pulling his weight work-wise. He does and I'm really glad I don't have to pull my weight in the same way as he does. I'd hate it. I love my work even though I often find it overwhelming.

And carelessly discarded fingernail parings are about what I'm going to call a lack of domestic consciousness, which is a separate issue from pulling one's weight work-wise.

Gransnetters comments do it again and help my thought processes along. Thanks, all!

I like it Lynker!!!

My husband has retired before me & taken over everything except the cooking. So I think it will be easy to split once I retire in June next year.
I will most definitely do the shopping, as he also buys things we don't need. At the moment I have, 20 toilets roll x2, 4 washing up liquids, loads of air fresheners ( I hate them) and every sort of cleaner etc etc

Once I got old we divided the housework etc like this. I carried on doing everything at home and he left to do stuff at the house of a much younger woman, they have 5 kids now, our daughter says he isn't looking as lovely as when I was waiting on him hand and foot.....

Grannyactivist, I agree with you she's probably left it too late. LOL???

DH washes non-dishwasher pots when I cook and cooks the occasional meal - using every pot and utensil, which I then wash. When push comes to shove he will get the vacuum out. To my knowledge he doesn't know anything about the washing machine, dishwasher (even how to put things in it) or iron, has never knowingly lifted a duster and probably thinks fairies clean the toilet (if he thinks it gets cleaned at all). I have always hated housework but this seems to be my job now.

He is the gardener - which keeps him happily occupied for 8 months of the year.

Marianne my husband is the same with shopping, and we have huge stocks of un-needed stuff. He sometimes gets a bit offended if I refuse to go shopping with him, but it makes me fume!

I believe, Lynker, it's a genuine recognised phenomena called "Retired Husband Syndrome", whereby the retired partner manifests a meddling/messing-up incompetence that is truly genuine or is cunningly "put-on" in an attempt to be excused from making any effort whatsoever so that they can retreat to the TV and dedicate themselves to their favourite activity of sitting on their backsides and being waited upon!

Any mention that they may at least TRY to be useful (as opposed to skilfully cack-handed) is doubtless met with a whining "well - YOU said it was quicker to do it yourself, didn't you......?"

Can I just say, that speaking as someone who took early retirement in order to care for a disabled wife, I do find all this sniping at retired husbands to be a tad excessive. Is it really as bad as that? Are we really a nation of Domestic Goddesses married to grumpy, lazy men? Seriously?

I think it is a bit tongue in cheek lefthanded - we love'em really!

Well done you for caring for your wife.

By the way - the oil man has been - cost'a'load!

Spot on lefthanded, I do hope it was tongue in cheek from everyone but I'm not convinced. Maybe all the people with very capable husbands like mine and your good self have not posted.
Do hope you and your wife have a good Christmas

My OH was very efficient, but now that he has PD, things are beginning to fall apart - hence the empty oil tank! There is a very difficult balance to be struck between leaving him to carry on (and dealing with the hiccoughs) or taking over his tasks which would be bad for his self-respect. We just bumble along at the moment.

He left the freezer door open the other day!!

My OH was married to his job, that is why I did the housework, shopping, ironing, gardening, window cleaning, nursing, cooker cleaning as well as bringing up 3 sons and doing a full time job. Now we are both retired he cooks and cleans the cooker, drives, cleans the windows, irons his own shirts and cleans the kitchen. I do all the rest of the housework ie washing bedding/clothes, stripping beds, gardening, vacuuming, and polishing/washing floors. We both do the shopping. It works for us. I told him I was not going to wait on him hand and foot now I am retired. I have to have some 'Me Time' as he does too. He has done the family trees and meets male friends for a chat as well as spending time on his laptop. He would do the DIY but he is no good at it so we get in an expert for that. Otherwise I would have to put up with crooked curtain rails, wonkey lights and lumpy wallpaper.

Sometimes I wonder if these males make a mess of the jobs just so they can wriggle out of doing them. They would rather do something else they enjoy than do the washing up or ironing.

I have never had a DH who sat around while I slaved, but what we have always had is a division of labour based on our skills.

DH is a mender and doer. The reason we now have the houses we have is because of his ability to do everything necessary, in two countries, from rewiring to fitting kitchens, building work to getting the windows to open again after the decorator shut them too soon and repairing some wooden Christmas tree decorations.

I, on the other hand, am dyspraxic aka cack-handed. Running the house doesn't require fine motor skills or attention to detail, at least not in my house. I am death to anything mechanical and look clumsy and unwieldy when I try and do anything requiring manual dexterity so we both stick to our lasts.

He gets exasperated as yet something else 'falls apart in my hands' and I grit my teeth and shut doors and drawers and switch off lights as he goes.

It really works very well.

Anyone who 'slaves' nowadays is a fool.

Or is under the thumb of a slaver.

Both states (slaving by choide and slaving by force) are to be pitied but we are only duty bound to help the latter.

*choice

And then there are those who rush around hyperbusy and doing jobs other people could do. I guess they get some reward (feeling needed?) out of being like that.

They exist still, although i suspect some use it as an excuse to protect themselves from doing anything they do not want to do.

If ( and it is a big if) I ever remarried I would not fall into the little woman trap again . Jobs would be strictly 50/50 or he would be out the door !

I hope she won't- when he asks where they are when he needs them again- just tell him they are where he last left them... in the meantime, just keep all the washing to the side ...Bonne chance.