How Can Anyone Diagnose Another Person Mentally Unless They Are Qualified ?

nina1959 I think that my experience must be different from yours re kids behaving inappropriately.

Certain behaviours are always inappropriate/ socially unacceptable. It does not matter if you do or don't have ADHD / ASDs etc. There are things you cannot be allowed to do and there are consequences to that behaviour. How you deal with that behaviour or teach young people to behave in a socially acceptable way may differ depending on any diagnosis. If a child does not have a particuar condition that makes it harder to control their behaviour but is a consequence of poor parenting, dysfuntional family etc. that also needs addressing specifically. In my experience there are very few children who choose to throw a chair at a teacher just because they can. They do exist i am sure but kids who have thrown things at me (& there have been a few) were damaged and hurting.

Jane10, see link below. Children can grow up with an inferior view of themselves if they know they are negatively labelled.

I think this professional explains it very well.

thekidcounselor.com/2008/01/the-problem-with-labeling-children/

Children don't grow up as a label!
A person with ASD told me that ASD is a signpost to appropriate support.

I imagine growing up as a label makes some children very upset indeed.

www.educationandbehavior.com/how-do-labels-affect-students/

No, I don't believe either needs a label, nor did I say that labels were good.

BettyB, so instead of identifying the behaviour, we just carry on labelling children? Like we do with the narcissist?

thekidcounselor.com/2008/01/the-problem-with-labeling-children/

Iam64, how do you know the extent of my understanding based on one post? I haven't mentioned what I do or my level of education or qualifications so you can't possible estimate my abilities. This is my whole point. We can't diagnose each other merely by what we write or indeed omit to write on a forum. You can't possibly know what I've read, learned or studied. You've read a fraction of my post then formed presumably your expert opinion.

You've rested my case.

I agree with Iam64. When did ADHD become anything except a normal diagnosis? The medicines do work wonders for ADHD, there needn't be a stigma or cane involved.

Ok nina 1959 I understand more about your take on this subject from your description of the difference between what happened when a child threw a chair at a teacher when you were a girl and what would happen now.

You just aren't very psychologically well informed or aware. It's unusual for me to be so direct. I've worked with families where a murder has occurred. I do hope that you are never in a position to do so, given your views on children who may have a diagnosis of e.g. ADHD.

I agree there is too much diagnosing by non medically trained people these days. It's not just friends and family making diagnoses, but also people are self-diagnosing. I've also seen people exaggerating depressive or anxiety symptoms to their GP so they can be signed off sick.

I agree Penstemmon, or they read up and think they are 'the' expert.

Jalima, Dr M Scott Peck wrote a really good book called People of the Lie. He was an eminent US psychologist, (also wrote the more well known title, The Road Less Travelled).
In the first book, he explained using case studies, how forensically difficult it was to define and assess evil because it was present in so many guises. People could put on a facade of butter wouldn't melt, but behind closed doors they could be a complete and utter tyrant. He also went into detail at explaining how good they were at hiding it and one of the things the internet has provided is a platform for people to vent quite evil things yet remain anonymous. We see the how people really are by how they write and often we only ever get to know a person when they behave at their worst.
The boyfriend who hits his girlfriend and promises never to do it again is such an example. The girl loves him and forgives him but really she should take his assault on her as him revealing his true colours. The big problem next is, we have people making excuses for them, blaming their childhood and sending them to rehabilitation none of them willing to confront the fact, that their behaviour is downright evil.

When I was growing up, if a child threw a chair at a teacher,. he got frogmarched out of the class and whacked with a cane. Today they diagnose him with ADHD and send him to the seaside. When he returns, he does something far worse knowing he'll get special attention and so it goes on. None of them wanting to admit that a person can be behaving in an evil way, they diagnose an illness instead or a disorder.

Re my book? I have one book, a bio fiction based on a true story on sale all over the world. The next book is a crime novel based on a character. I write about families who kill each other. Or try to. I also run a business and have a day job too but writing is my main passion. Still got the flu so taking a few days off at the moment.

Conversely, it can be the DIL who perceives the MIL as a threat. I accept that It can be one of the most difficult relationships but when, like us, you have a DIL who behaved like a petulant teenager most of the time and then went NC, it can be something of a relief.

I once said to my DIL (regarding 18 month old DGS), 'He's such a personality!' she got very snotty and said, 'He's always had a personality!' See? Misunderstanding. It happened over and over...

Evil? Perhaps. Do we have a word spanning between selfish and evil?
difficult one
Someone can behave in an evil fashion to another person and yet be someone else's 'true best friend' and a very loving DM and DGM. Not intrisically evil, but having quite irrational thoughts and fears; I think sometimes a MIL perceives that a DIL is a threat to her relationship with her beloved son, particularly if the apron strings have been tied very tightly. That could happen even if the DIL wants to form a loving relationship with her MIL and can be a hard truth for the DIL to face - that her MIL does not want to establish that loving bond.

It takes a lot of patience to establish a good relationship under those circumstances and sometimes 'a reasonable relationship' with other people present is the best that can be managed.

a crime writer - ooh, can we look forward to a book about a murder most horrible of a MIL?

I think the ease of access via internet and Dr Google make people think they can self diagnose, diagnose others both on physical and mental health issues. That is why it is popular to denigrate 'experts'..because everyone thinks it is easy because they read it on the internet!

That's what I meant Mumsy. I so know where you're at. Sigh!

I dont need to use a higher integrity and emotional intelligence, my daughter does!!

Mumsy, use a higher integrity and emotional intelligence. You'll grow stronger through it.

You're right, a solicitor should be an absolute last option. xxx

From running a parents support group, I know parents often had to read a lot of unpleasant comments posted by irate 'adult' children.
We often discussed how to deal with it.

One way of dealing with it is to not go looking although I realise it's sometimes hard not to.

Another thing is to not be drawn into a cat fight, very tempting to hit back and set the record straight but honestly? It's been an eye opener to me to see how low a spiteful poster will go when condemning another relative. It's best not to be dragged down by their lower thinking.

If comments have been made that are outright lies, malicious, spiteful, hateful, victimising, bullying, shaming and destructive, the poster is the problem and they are in a very bad place. Try not to join them.

If they are simply putting their version across but in a very heated way, you just have to consult yourself if there is another way to look at it, ie is there any truth to it.

Otherwise, my guiding principle is usually where there is callous spite and maliciousness designed to inflict harm onto the person, you have to switch them off. Block them so they can't see you and you can't see them.
Half the time they post it because they know you will see it. Just block them and get on with your own life. xx

Starlady, its not worth all the upset it would cause in the family by dragging a solicitor into the equation.

If it were my daughters view of the situation she is very blinkered as no way is the same story with my other children. She deliberately went out to hurt me and succeeded theres no way I would give her the satisfaction and fight with her.

Oh, Jaima, I was referring to your description of the "self-centered" person.

Mumsy, I'm so sorry that your YD's post hurt you. Did you say that her username there was her actual, real life nickname? If that's the case, then her story WAS identifiable at least to some, including you, of course. I think that was very wrong on her part.

Now that she has changed the name, it's a different story. But any damage has already been done. Perhaps you should contact a solicitor? Just to see what's possible, if anything?

Also, is it possible that what she said is HER view of the situation? Perhaps you could learn something from it even though it hurts and you disagree?

Jaima, I think that's exactly the sort of thing some people are calling "narcissist" these days. But, sometimes, the "narcissist" tells a very different story.

grannyknot a belated thank you for your link. I haven't had time to read it all yet but what I have read is fascinating and makes a lot of sense.

Agree Jalima, I'm a crime writer so I have plenty of true life research to understand what you're saying. You're talking about a set of basic moral standards that don't exist in some people rather than a reference for psychology.

That takes us into the territory of a person who isn't needy of a mental health assessment. They are something else. Evil? Perhaps. Do we have a word spanning between selfish and evil?