Need to get this off my chest!

I am also close to my children. My Youngest is also having marital problems and told me that, without going to details. I did wonder if Our Christmas invitation would be rescinded, but it was not. You could however sense an atmosphere, even though they tried really hard to put on a brave face. I know they are having counselling.

We never want to see our children unhappy, but they are adults. They have to work these things out for themselves. I think, be there for your son, smile and nod but don't comment.

Thanks Gransnet for giving me a wake up call.
To all who answered especially, I will take your advice and work on pasting on my smile!

I'm sorry to hear you have had to deal with family and friend illnesses but the person you should rely on has to be your "poor, long-suffering partner" and perhaps a friend or two, but not your son.
Your DiL is the one who needs support from your son, especially with a young baby.

I always said I would never ever be like my mum, asking the ins and outs of everything that was happening in my life. So I agree with Ana, just butt out but be supportive when asked and being asked to look after your lovely gc, well that has to be a blessing.

You need to stay strong, calm and unoffended by all this and just do what you can to help.

They need you now, more than ever. Paste on a smile, ask no questions, just be there for them.

Sometimes what we see as questions are seen as an interrogation by children - I know that's how I felt when my parents asked me things, it was like being cross examined!

Thank you Jacky B, yes other Mum was mortified and it was dil idea to have us at Christmas.
I am worried about the alcohol situation, especially with a baby, but it was the festive season and hope it settles down for gd sake.

Thanks to everyone for their enlightening and welcome comments.
Oh dear I sound like a prying piranha! But I'm glad a few of you pointed it out, it is food for thought.
I appreciate your honesty, sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees!

Putting myself for the moment in the position of the DIL in the OP I would say that she is suffering from baby blues and the thought of both families descending at Christmas was just a bit too much for her. And then her husband goes off and spends the night out of the house.

However, that was no excuse to upset you.

Was the other mother equally upset? (Sounds like it, as the others were leaving early, too.) It must have been even worse for her, as it was her daughter who was the hostess.

I hope for your sake, LIzzy, that the alcohol doesn't turn out to be a problem and things settle down now the festive season is over.

I agree, you're overthinking things.

Do try to stop pestering your son with texts and phone calls, he's a grown man and you can't expect to have the same, close relationship you used to have with him. His loyalties will naturally lie with his wife and child.

He may want to borrow money towards the deposit on the new house, but why not if you can afford it and agreement about repayment can be reached.

All you can do is be supportive if your son and/or DIL need you.

Maybe you're overthinking this? They had a row, couples do. They didn't disguise it very well. They took to the booze a bit. They made up.
Sounds kind of normal, doesn't it?

I never ask WHY when asked to babysit ,just when .My own mother would only babysit very rarely and never overnight and if you were late back after giving her a time she was not happy.Its horrible and really takes the shine of a wee bit of me time so I would never do the same to my kids .My daughter often says can you have them for a couple of hours and its 8 hours later .Last night she called to make arrangements for an overnight for her three in February ,3 days and nights in May and 4 days and nights in August.No doubt they'll be here most weeks inbetween along with their cousin who stays here half the week

I'm sorry your Xmas was uncomfortable, but it's clear ds and dil were having marital issues and that's what you were feeling. This was really not about you.

Please don't pry (yes, you are prying). If this is a common tendency of yours in your "talk about anything" conversations, perhaps that's why he was brushing you off. Some people just don't want to discuss private marriage conflicts with their parents.

It's interesting that they went from his sleeping in a hotel to buying a house together. Maybe they were fighting about whether or not to buy one, where to buy it or how much to spend and now that's resolved (but again, please don't ask - not your business). If ds asks for a loan, please only do it if you feel you can trust him to pay you back in a timely manner. And please only give out as much as you can afford in case he can't repay you so easily.

If he asks you to watch gd, jump at the chance! So many gps have been cut off from their gc or live too far away from them to get to mind them. But only agree to take care of her as much as you can with a joyful heart.

Some sort of marital rift then, ( it happens) but if they are now buying a new home together that must be a good sign?
Christmas is often a fraught time when families get together, a good reason to stay at home I always think.
Even when we have a good relationship with our sons doesn't mean tgey want to tell us everything, especially not at first, when they are stressed.
My advice is to stay calm and be a listening ear if he needs it and wants it, but don't keep asking what's happening.Have the baby at your house to help out when you can.
Good Luck.?