I am sorry to hear about the problems with your husband ...totally understand as some years ago my wonderful full of life, workaholic (even at the age he was then, about 75) suddenly started to forget things ...eventually diagnosed as having suffered a mini stroke and then Peripheral Arterial Disease and a totally occluded left carotid artery which in turn led to several stents in veins in his legs and the right carotid artery, he then suffered a second mini stroke which left him with memory loss and an almost (I say almost) inability to remember anything except what happened 40 years ago, Like you say, he suddenly has flashes of his former self but for the most part is frustrated and angry because he has been told he must no longer climb ladders, drive, use his heave gauge hobby woodworking tools and bench saw ,,,and his personality has changed making him aggressive and demanding. Interested to read also about the man who like to spend ,,this is also my husband .....I try to save and he tries to spend. Every day ! There is something he cannot possibly 'live without' and going shopping with him is like shopping with a demanding child ...I want, I want, I got to have.......so much so that I creep out shopping on my own before he notices ,,,my normal spend for the weeks shopping is around 100 or less if I can do it, and when I took him this week it was nearly 230 ! I tell him we cannot afford to go on this way ! We have no friends and no family ....he has a daughter living in Kent, but sadly she is looking after her fiance who has terminal cancer so she has not been able to visit and my husband never mentions ringing to see how she is coping ...sometimes I give her a quick call just to check she is ok, but she always says I don't want to speak to Dad....only because I think, he has become very self centred and is incapable of thinking about anyone else (except the cat ! who is his life !)
I just read in one of the UK mags an article about this subject, which said that Dementia (of which he has a form ...diagnosed after a visit to the Neuropsychologist and a scan following his last stroke). I find the anger awful to live with ....I am a terrible person he keeps telling e ..he throws things around the room (including his dinner sometimes ! Still trying to get stain from lamb cops off the door frame !) Coping is as you say, extremely difficult ..sometimes after a particularly bad day where he has not spoken to me except to scream abuse, I do feel like leaving in fact often it is just as well I have no money and nowhere to go and would feel guilty ! Our lovely doctor says I can go and sit in her waiting room if I need to escape ...but that if I left he would not survive ! I feel sorry for him as well, from being such an active go getting type of person to what he is now !
BUT from what you say, it doesn't sound like your husband has had a brain scan ....to check for early signs of vasculaire dementia ....you could talk to your doctor about this and see how he.she feels ...first port of call I think ...if he is in denial, he could be told it is just a check as he has depression.
Some while ago Good Housekeeping Mag had an article about Narcissistic Personality Disorder which sounds just like my husband ! He could well have some other type of problem which could be eased by medication, cognitive behavioural therapy etc .....have a look at the Alzheimer web site where there are people you can talk to and a forum you can join ...it is not only for actually diagnosed Alzheimer sufferers and family but for anyone with any form of memory impairement. MIND may also have a forum (not sure its still called MIND ......
Best of luck ...difficult but as soon as possible you need a proper diagnosis on which to base how you move forward ! Good luck !