92 year old father and his recently acquired friend

It might be worth dropping some heavy hints to this woman that you and your sisters own his house - even if you don`t.
I think you should be very concerned about this. One day your Dad may need to go into a nursing home - and it would be terrible if there was no money left to enable him to go somewhere nice.
My 93 year old father would not be considered to be suffering from dementia but his judgement about many things is nowhere near as good at it was.

it's been really interesting to read the replies to my sister's post, it's been very helpful to have other people's views as we can run ourselves into the ground worrying whether he will have enough money left to put his heating on, or whether his friend will disappear when she realises that living in a large house doesn't mean he is wealthy etc - it's really all about trying to protect someone you love. It's far more difficult than i'd ever envisaged. Thank you to everyone who contributed, and I'm also very thankful for having a sister who shares the problem - it must be an absolute nightmare for anyone coping with something like this on their own .

I think you need to find out more about the group and perhaps approach whoever is organising it (unless it is her, of course).

First of all, many thanks to all those who have posted and I'm most grateful for your thoughtful input. I assure you all that this thread is genuine. I would like to reassure Starlady that my sister and I have nothing but respect for my father and he is very well treated by us and our respective families. Ruby lady - my father has never met the husband of the woman in question. Teddy123 - we visit my father several times a week, take him out for meals when he is well enough and take cooked food through to him as he can no longer cope with the steep stairs in my house. He still goes to my sister for Sunday lunch as she has a stairlift. Bobbysgirl19 - we found out about the holiday from dad's next door neighbour, who is becoming concerned about the young woman who is always there! Clearly, we need to tread very carefully.

for anyone unfamiliar with motability vehicles, we are very well taken care of with regard to them being repaired, people come and pick them up for us and even offer a car in return for the day.

In reply to recent posts I'd like to say I am the second sister involved who helps caring for our father . The issue is not as some seem to believe that we don't want him to have friends per se, i'd just feel so much better if the friend he has was honest. Being disabled myself, I really didn't take kindly to hearing how she might have to pay someone to take her motability vehicle to the garage to be repaired as neither she nor her husband can drive very far - then find on facebook that she and the bedridden husband drove over 200 miles for a day trip out the followin week

Sorry Anya I misunderstood.

However, I think Rapunzel has posted before on other threads.

Takingthemick I hope I'm wrong, but there has been a spate of such threads recently and all these kind people have given their opinions in good faith once again.

Call my a cynic, but I'm a tad wary at the moment, especially when the OP doesn't come back and respond.

ANYA I am thinking the same thing. It would be very cruel if this was bogus as people have taken time and thought to reply.

Ana I wasn't 'on about' David, I was talking about the OP. Has she been back since she started the thread?

My ex-husbands uncle and aunt left everything to their next door neighbours, with only very small bequests to family. Bear in mind that the house they left was a very large one in Chiswick in West London - it would now be worth a couple of million pounds. Paying attention to the next door neighbours for a few years turned out to be a nice little earner.

I think it would be quite reasonable to make contact with this woman's daughter, and, in a nice way, say that you have concerns. If it's all above board she won't mind at all.

I do appreciate the concerns of the OP and would, indeed, recommend some gentle investigation via the officers of the vulnerability group. I would also feel quite strongly that I should be the person who attended hospital visits with my elderly parent. However, I would also recognise the autonomy of a parent who still has his/her wits about him/her. Tricky situation.

However, I was someone who cooked meals and spent time chatting and doing little bits of housework with an elderly neighbour dying of pancreatic cancer. The dear lady wanted to give me some of her "precious" things – jewellery, ornaments and so on – but never money – presumably to say thank you. Fortunately, I already knew her 40 something son, more from both of us exercising our dogs in the same park than anything else, and he was simply grateful for my input, as, apparently, all she felt she could eat were the easily digestible meals that I carefully prepared for her. I told him about her wanting to give me, or my daughter, gifts and explained that I didn't want to take her things but I also didn't want to offend her by refusal. We agreed a plan whereby I would accept earrings, necklaces, vases, statues, whatever with huge gratitude and then return them quietly to him. That way, we were all happy and we all did the right thing.

Hi Rapunzel

Out of interest, how did you find out about the holiday and medical consultation that your Dad paid for. If he told you himself, he was at least being open about it.

Although as some posters say, it's your Dad's choice how he spends his money, I think it's awful that this couple are accepting such expensive gifts from him, certainly sounds suspicious. The sooner you meet them and make it known you are keeping a close watch on your Dad, the better!

I'm all for looking into the group and in particular the issue of your dad paying for things like holidays. Very generous of your dad to offer, but should have been declined as surely this could be seen as taking advantage of a vulnerable older person. I wouldn't be comfortable with doing nothing, if it was my relative.

We did know of a home help who helped an old gentleman in his 80s in more ways than one - at a price.

Sorry David1968

Profuse apologies, I thought you were Violet's friend.

Wot you on about, you two?

David1968 has posted on many threads before, although not the hair-rollers fetish or the Old Bride ones...

I wondered if the lady in question is Violet?

Is this another wind up?

Rapunzel, I advise you to look in to this, perhaps in the ways advised by Trisher. Something like this has happened within my own "wider" family (not a relation to me) and eighteen months after the death of the gentleman in question (who died aged 94) it still hasn't been resolved. The man in question was "taken-in" by a much younger woman who ended up living in his house, having all his savings, and being a signatory on his current account. The man's children lived a long way away (one overseas) and could do little to stop this. She even got a carer's allowance!! S/Services said he could make his own decisions - this was based purely on him not being certifiable - they didn't seem to consider him as a "vulnerable adult". The woman got him to change his Will largely in her favour. (Went with him to the solicitors!) Contesting the Will is taking forever and costing a fortune.

It means Opening Post or Opening Poster emilie

Ana,what does OP mean,please?

I don't think it's a competition to see whether an old person is more vulnerable than any other age group it's about ANYONE of any age being exploited and my goodness this sounds like an exploitation My Auntie was cleaned out of all her money by a befriending carer who ' became a daughter she never had ' The carer AND her family had holidays and a new car plus many many more things she also put herself down as next of kin

Please please do be aware older people living alone even who have daughters or other family calling in can be very lonely and soak up others who give then some attention

Unlike Rubylady I wouldn't be at all happy if my Dad had had a family accepting large (and you can't get much bigger than a foreign holiday ) gifts from him it shrieks of manipulation

rapunzel I empathise with your concerns. You said he started to attend a group for vulnerable LONELY people and met these new friends there.

Perhaps I'm being totally naive to think they have just all become good friends and his 'gifts' are a way for him to say thank you for their help etc.

If he seems more content and happier than before this friendship, all you can do is discuss it with him again ... Perhaps best in a restaurant so everyone stays calm.
My biggest concern would be that you no longer accompany him to hospital appointments.
On this point I would plead with him to come too along with new friend!

Do you and your sister visit on a regular basis. I realise one sister barely visits. I hope you can sort this out without further heartache.

jalima they were JW by the way
What is JW

Some conflicting views on here Rapunzel, some seeing no harm in it and others who have had experience of something similar happening to their elderly relatives being a bit more cautious.
One hears a lot on the news about elderly people being scammed that it does arouse suspicions, and as I say, MIL was dropped like a hot brick as soon as the 'kind friend' found that she did not own her own house.
On the other hand, we were quite suspicious of a young couple who seemed to have 'taken over' a friend and then his partner after our friend died but they turned out to be lovely people.