I work with my partners ex

I cant. I just cant drop her name in the conversation. Christinefrance - How can I bring it up? Shall I just ask him. Im just so upset that he didnt/hasnt told me. Does he think we will never meet? Maybe he actually doesn't know, I did think this.

If I didnt know her name through snooping, I would not be aware of her working here would I - and then all would be OK.

No, I havent started the relationship too soon. Everything is fine otherwise. He is really lovely.

How would you behave if you hadn't been snooping, as you put it?

If no-one at the moment knows you were snooping, and they're not going to find out, pretend you haven't been.
Let your partner and the ex reveal the situation.

If on the other hand, you're worried your partner will find out you've been snooping, it would be best to come clean before he confronts you.

If they still have things to sort out, it sounds as though their breakup has been quite recent. Is your real worry that you've started this relationship too soon?

I am concerned about the lack of openness in your relationship cassy, surely it would be better to talk about this. It can only get more difficult as time goes on. I was in a similar situation where I had to manage the woman my ex had an affair with. It didn't end well.
Talk to him please.

So talk in a general way about the woman and drop her name into the conversation. See what he says about her.

Or speak to your HR person and explain why you don't want to have to manage her. That would be more effective than asking advice from people here who have never met any of you.

I still don't understand why you and he have never talked about his past life. Why have secrets? If it was spoken about openly, you wouldn't have to snoop.

grannypiper - I cant just ask. He will know I've been snooping. I wish I had never looked.

janeainsworth - no she does not know he has a girlfriend. No she wouldn't know it was me. It may come to a point when I have to manage her to some degree. I feel sick to think of that.

I think he knows, but thinks that it would disturb me. She has only been here a year. I looked them up on the electoral roll, her name isn't that common. Too much of a coincidence to have the same name and she said she lived in the same area as his ex.

The trouble is, it does bother me. What if I didn't know and said something to her by accident? They still have house stuff to sort out so he does see her from time to time.

How do you know her name?
Does she know that XXX is your partner?
Does she know that you know she used to be XXX's girlfriend?

I would maintain a dignified silence. What does it matter now?

Yes, you're right grannypiper
I assumed he had told Cassy fibs, because of her reaction to meeting his ex.
Sorry!

MissAdventure who says he has lied ? his ex may not have worked their when they were together. Cassy either suffer in silence or ask him, the choice is yours

Perhaps she has not been working there very long, and he is unaware of it? Perhaps he knew, but thought that it would disturb you to know? (looks like he would have been right) Perhaps it is someone else of the same name?

And how DO you know, if you and he have never discussed it and you have never seen a picture of her? Why have you never discussed it? And remember, he is with you now, don't be jealous of the past.

If you need to discuss it with him, you will have to start the conversation with something like, "Didn't you used to live with XXXXX? There is someone of that name at work, what a coincidence. Is she the same one?"

Well, I suppose you could just come out with it - after all, he has lied to you, but I suppose you want to tread a bit carefully.
I've no advice, but I'm sure others will have.
Good luck!