Too many photos??

willsmadnan, I agree with you!

Araabra ...so your point re my posting is.... ?

willsmadnan "it seems as if he sees him on a weekly basis? If he wants photos he' ll take his own, surely? Why are you and your daughter pushing this point? To arouse some sort of guilt?"

Not everyone wants a passel of photos of a ds they see weekly.

Maybe his phone is for work or use with his lady friend not dd.

Why is your daughter's partner being bombarded with what would appear to be pointless photographs of his child, when it seems as if he sees him on a weekly basis? If he wants photos he' ll take his own, surely? Why are you and your daughter pushing this point? To arouse some sort of guilt?
Men generally don't have this primeval bonding surge which overtakes us as mothers on giving birth ...hormones kicking in etc . They come into their own when children begin to be able to hold a small conversation, and in the case of sons, when they can kick a ball. Yes, I know this is a sweeping generalisation but what I'm trying to say is.. stop the pressurisation... back off and let the father ( and his new girlfriend) develop the relationship naturally.... and if it doesn't happen? Well that's life, I'm afraid. We have to accept that not everyone thinks about the consequences of a relationship.

willa45. You see cruelty and resentment. I see someone having to be firm with someone who wouldn't get the message. There is no way of knowing if it is resentment or exasperation. Contacting someone who doesn't want to be contacted can be a form of control.

He wants to have a relationship with his son but that does not mean that the relationship with the mother needs to be go beyond what is essential.

There is no reason to suppose that he wants to be done with the boy. That is a very unpleasant allegation to make about someone you don't know. If he was a reluctant father he would not take the father for a day a week.

In fact neither of us know from the limited one sided information that we have but the demonising of this father based on such bare facts is ridiculous.

I also see group think and a rush to judgment on this thread.

"....Claiming that that's the kind of thing you do when you're in a relationship (he ended theirs, walking out, over 18 months ago) which they no longer were."

Norah and Jaycee....He may not be in a (romantic) relationship with his ex, but (like it or not) he will always be in a relationship with his son.... a relationship that by extension includes the boy's mother for awhile at least, because he can't undo the fact that the son they made together is still a minor!

If he doesn't want pictures, he can delete them, not look at them or toss them in the trash. His words however, were insensitive, unnecessarily cruel and unkind. From icbn's post, he also seems to fulfill his fatherly obligations reluctantly. The rejection of the photos and the accompanying message show veiled resentment. He may feel that because he's done with her, he deserves permission to be done with the boy as well. So NO, he shouldn't get a pass for that and he certainly doesn't get a pass from me!

PS. ...and for the record, I have no 'separated fathers' issues. We are fortunate to have good men and good fathers in our family, so no complaints here.

Unfortunately some people move on after the breakdown of a relationship.
Your daughters little boy will do just fine with the love from yourself your daughter and family.
72 years ago my father left my mother when she was pregnant with me, mother had little money and we lived in poverty but I received so much love from my mother that I never felt I missed out at all.

Cut the ties that bind I say. No more photos to 'Dad'. He doesn't want them. Selfish, nasty man who sounds just horrible. She made a mistake marrying this one, let's hope she finds someone who is caring and loving which is what this little boy needs. No tears, she is well rid.

Willa45 "You think he can't take photos himself when he sees the child every week? What exactly has he done that is so bad? Why is it selfish to not want contact from an ex?"

So much.^ He's in a new romance. He sees his child.

Willa45 Wow. You think he can't take photos himself when he sees the child every week?
What exactly has he done that is so bad? Why is it selfish to not want contact from an ex?
She has no ammunition at all from the information that we have been given. He has done nothing wrong except return the child a bit early to his home.
You seem to have issues with separated fathers.

He sounds selfish, immature and irresponsible. He doesn't want to see pictures because they remind him of what a sorry excuse for a father he really is.

As unlikely as it seems however, he could have a 'change of heart' especially around the time when your daughter decides to move on with her own life and his selfish ego kicks in again ....and that is why (as the others said), your daughter should keep a record of all his transgressions, take pictures of notes and letters;in short, document everything. If she remarries, she will want full legal custody of her boy! If this so called 'dad' wants a fight, she'll need plenty of ammunition and all the facts she can prove. Your daughter needs to replace this low life. I truly pray she finds someone who can be a loving father to her little boy and the good man they both deserve.

I really feel for your daughter and GS. It's a horrible situation to be in. My GD (now17) father has never taken any interest in her (he left before she was born), he lives two road down from her so 'sees' her regularly walk past but he never ever speaks to her. He sat on a bus opposite her a while ago and spent the whole of the short journey looking the other way even though she tried to talk to him. It breaks your heart as a Grandparent to see your grand children and their mum go through this type of behaviour. If I were your daughter I would keep the photos for you and those who care about them but make sure that your DGS knows how loved he is by you all. HIs father is obviously a complete waste of everyone's time and your DGS will see that one day. X

BlueBelle. I totally agree. People are using very strong language against him (calling him a shit for example) with no reason that I can see.
Was he supposed to stay in an unhappy marriage, allow continued contact when he doesn't want it (ignoring his request and sending the photos while saying that it is being done for him is passive aggressive) or what.
He has made sure that he gets a fairly high level of contact and the fact that he has taken the child back early is hardly a sin. He was taking the child home which was probably the wrong way for him to look at it but it is not irrational, just a bit thoughtless.
Even though we have not heard his side, there seems to be a lack of willingness to give him a break.

Elrel - we have suggested this, but he insists that my DGS goes to his home to be with his new family (new gf has her own 3 children). I have suggested my DD gets legal advice about the journey, as it will be impossible when he starts school.
Anyone have any legal knowledge? My DD is beside herself with worry. Me too.

Diddy1 you are translating this incorrectly he hasn't said he doesn't want photos of the child so no it's not sad he has simply said don't keep sending YOUR photos to me .....perhaps it hurts, perhaps he is worried that it means a line is still open for the Mum to get to him perhaps it's a control thing who knows we have no idea but it's really not a big deal he still visits and has weekly contact so that is much more important

I think a lot of posters are jumping to conclusions to castigate the father without having any idea of the reason behind his fairly simple request it really is a storm in a teacup just stop sending the photos but keep encouraging him to spend time with his lad and be glad he's still around for him

icbn I would feel as you do, cos we all want it to be as perfect as possible for our loved ones, but at the end of the day the father doesn't want photos sending, and we don't know why. Perhaps it reminds him what a shit he has been - we don't know. At least he sees the boy, albeit a bit haphazard, but that isn't unusual. So your daughter must stop sending them, and that will help to keep the peace without really hurting anyone too much.

It also might not be doing your daughter any good having this extra contact with him that clearly isn't welcome.

The child must not be told his dad didn't want to see the photos, cos we don't know his reasons.

Worse things than this can happen when parents split up, so try not to be so upset about it and be as loving and supporting to your daughter and gson as you can be.

Diddy1. He has him one day a week so is obviously meeting him properly and does not need his ex as a conduit to keep up with his son's progress. Schools will usually sent reports to both parents if they are divorced. He hasn't said that he doesn't want photos of his son. He doesn't want them from his ex. It is unlikely that he is unable to take his own photos.

So sad to read, that poor little boy will not get a chance to meet his Daddy properly.
I cant understand a Father not wanting to have photos of his Son, it would be a nice way to follow his sons progress, and perhaps feel a bit nearer to him.

icanhandthemback "Is it possible that your DD's ex is a bit concerned that your DD might still want a relationship and sees the photos as her trying to keep the door open?

I wonder the same.

BlueBelle "I think the photos are unnecessary and causing more problems than not he has asked for you to stop sending them so why is that a problem ?

DD's ex can take his own photos during his time.

Please don't worry, this will pass very quickly as your DD's son grows up.

Is it possible that your DD's ex is a bit concerned that your DD might still want a relationship and sees the photos as her trying to keep the door open? My sister was amazed, after 20 years of being divorced that her ex-husband had kept her at arm's length the moment he met his new wife, when he confessed that he had been so obnoxious because he was afraid she wanted him back. Nothing could have been further from the truth.
Sadly, many fathers do not step up to the mark when relationships break down. My DS was lucky I met my love DH who went on the adopt him. The only time his biological father wanted to know my beautiful DS was when he said he wanted to be adopted at the age of 17. My DS thanked him, told him that he really didn't have time for him in his life but if he ever changed his mind, the ex would be the first to know. My DS put the phone down and said that he had as much time for 'that man' as he had for him. My DS is the most beautiful person and as far as I am concerned, it is his father's loss.

Harsh words norah he might have moved on to a new romantic relationship but he will ALWAYS be that little boy's dad. Pity for the big lummox if his own flesh and blood is coming in the way of his new romance. I agree with all the posters who say keep a record and, having been through an horrendous time in my own family, i would warn anyone in a custody battle that whoever gets in first usually comes out with their views considered as gospel while the other party has to prove otherwise..i can't say come out on top as there are no winners whatsoever in these heartbreaking situations. Just keep on keeping on icbn your love and devotion will mean everything to your dgs in the years to come. Big hugs x

Jaycee I think like you I think the photos are unnecessary and causing more problems than not he has asked for you to stop sending them so why is that a problem ? Just stop sending it's his loss we don't know his reasoning it's all supposition it could be anything but it obviously upsets or annoys him enough to ask you to stop If he sees the child once a week he has ample opportunity to take as many photos as he wants....perhaps he wants his own memories seen though his eyes not yours it feels as if your daughter is trying too hard he doesn't want her input you enjoy your photos and be glad he still visits
My three kids never had a penny or saw him once he moved on they got odd phone calls promising things that never arrived it ended with three adults one who couldn't care less one who would never even say his name and ignored the fact he had a father and one who gave him the benefit of the doubt but was sorely let down

I think there are too many photos being sent these days. I get the impression that some people can't stop, that they can't even do anything or that nothing counts unless it has been photographed or videod.

This father knows quite well what his son looks like and he sees him every week. He is in a new relationship and doesnt want his son's photos popping up everytime he uses his phone. Perhpas his girlfriend is near him.
He asked your daughter not to send photos so she should stop sending them. It sounds as if her own relationship with her son depends on endless photos and sending him one saying in he looks like his father is going too far.

Grandma should keep out of it! you are heating up the situation by getting angry and upset on behalf of your daughter. Try to lighten up a bit. Life is long and it could well be that father and son get together when the boy is older. Accept it as normal in front of the child.
Children are more robust than you think. He has a loving mother and a loving Gran. Just be positive with him and dont discuss the father's failings with the boy. Never.

There are many children who aren't their fathers (or mothers for that matter) top priority even when they live with them. My daughter is now a single parent and for 7 years her husband never saw their children as his top priority, never once did he have responsibility of his children on his own, never even took them to the park on his own. Even if the children asked if he'd take them out. Now if he picks them up he takes them to his parents and then spends the time watching TV or on the computer. I myself was a single parent for a number of years and even if there had been email, messaging etc I don't think I would have sent him photos no matter how proud - they were my memories. Like others have said he can take photos himself of events and times he shares with his son.
You need to try and let go of the bitterness you feel. Your daughter and grandson obviously have a loving family to share special, precious moments - perhaps it would be better if your daughter shared the photos with you. You are obviously upset and hurt for not only your daughter but also your gs - one day a week may not seem much but parenting doesn't come naturally to many people, he may find it difficult with such a young child, maybe as his son gets older things will improve. My ex-husband admitted years later that when our dc were young he found it hard to interact and play with them but as they grew in independence things got better. We all have to move on, it is difficult especially if you were not the one to end the relationship, I've experienced it from both sides and all I can say is don't judge, don't let your dd or gc see how you feel but just continue be the proud supportive grandma you obviously are. xx

It was a simple photo she sent of their son dressed up on this occasion. Another time it was a photo of their son with a comment of "think he looks like you in this one" thinking he might like to see a photo of his own son looking the image of himself.
Didn't really deserve the snubbing she got in response. OK I'm going to be biased but she has been frequently let down by this fellow & it's hurtful to be looking in on this.