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new husband's hearing problem

(18 Posts)
Ziggy62 Sun 26-Feb-17 11:13:43

This may seem such a silly complaint. I re-married last September to a wonderful guy I met in 2014, having been a widow since 2007. He is just amazing, so caring and loving, easy going, gets on great with my friends and family. Has encouraged me to get a better job and for the first time in my life I am truly happy.
I have never been one for watching TV and never have it on during the day. I love music and happily have radio/music on in the house as I cook, do housework, read etc. Whereas DH puts TV on from 6.30am. Now this isn't the end of the world as I carry on doing housework etc with radio on BUT he has a hearing problem and when we are together in living room the TV is so loud it drives me mad. I cant read with it on and if I go elsewhere to read he gets a bit upset. Yesterday I came in from work after a particularly difficult day feeling vey stressed, he was watching the rugby (which I also enjoy) when the game ended we were chatting about our day, the TV was still on so loud so I asked him to turn it down a wee bit, he rolled his eyes in his head and (for the first time since we met) I lost my temper, went upstairs with my glass of wine, had hot bath and got into bed to listen to radio and relax. He just cant understand why I'm annoyed and upset. I have suggested a hearing aid to wear while watching TV.
It seems such a trivial problem but its now past 11am and I am staying in bed listening to radio and obviously typing this to avoid going downstairs to be annoyed by hours of Sky news at full blast

tanith Sun 26-Feb-17 11:20:07

Could he not listen with ear phones? OH has wireless ones to listen to football but I agree I cannot read whilst the tv is on and do go upstairs sometimes .

MissAdventure Sun 26-Feb-17 11:20:20

I think hearing problems cause a lot of upset, both for the person with the problem and their nearest and dearest
My mums hearing deteriorated a lot in the last few years, but it was me mumbling, never her. The tv would be booming, and it was very difficult to concentrate on anything.

suzied Sun 26-Feb-17 11:22:43

We always have the subtitles on as my OH would have it way too loud otherwise.

Morgana Sun 26-Feb-17 11:28:41

Could u wear ear plugs and read or lis ten to a talking book while he watches his loud TV? I find it a good solution. D H is reluctant to get hearing aid.

LadyGracie Sun 26-Feb-17 11:29:57

We always have the subtitles on to stop my OH asking "what did he/she say" making me miss the next bit!

glammanana Sun 26-Feb-17 12:14:27

Did you new hubby live on his own prior to your marriage last year and if so he is most likely used to having the TV on from early in the morning and the volume up higher than normal,has he considered maybe a small part time job to broaden his interests away from the TV,it may help with the after dinner conversation.

aggie Sun 26-Feb-17 12:19:03

I bought a second remote for our tv and just turn the sound down gradually . He took a while to catch .me out , now I just say ` that is too loud ` and zap it

aggie Sun 26-Feb-17 12:20:10

now there is an ad for hearing aids popping up grrr

Marydoll Sun 26-Feb-17 12:25:31

I have been saying for months DH needs to get his hearing tested as TV and music are far too loud. It has got worse since he bought a Sonos system. He denies everything. The other morning DS brought GD down as her mum was unwell. The first thing Papa did was put on Peppa Pig at full blast. DS grabbed remote control, turned sound right down and said "You will damage her hearing at that volume" He still doesn't accept there is a problem. HELP!

Morgana Sun 26-Feb-17 12:30:36

Sounds familiar!

shysal Sun 26-Feb-17 13:12:22

There are devices which boost the TV volume for the deaf listener only. Here is a list from Google. Of course the main problem might be getting your DH to use one!
www.google.co.uk/?gfe_rd=cr&ei=ZS3sVLv-BZHj8wfr_oGIAQ&gws_rd=ssl#q=TV+earphones+for+the+deaf&tbm=shop&*

Marydoll Sun 26-Feb-17 14:33:57

I spent a fortune on wireless earphones. Refuses to use them!
He actually needs a medical person to tell him. It is driving me nuts.
He reminds me of my dear father in law. "..and there will be no further discussion about this" That was his mantra. My DH has turned into his father.

Starlady Mon 27-Feb-17 11:59:39

Sounds familiar to me, too! It's their ego, I think. Can't admit there is a problem. Probably fear it means they're "getting old" (well, they are, lol!).

He "understands," Ziggy, he just doesn't want to face it. If I were you, I would just retreat into my room with my music and a good book when I wanted and not worry if he gets upset. Just say you need some "me time" if you don't want to argue about the tv. As long as you spend some time watching favorite shows and talking with this otherwise great dh, I think it's okay for you to seek some privacy - quiet - sometimes.

Bufferingkisses Tue 21-Mar-17 22:51:04

The main problem with hearing problems is that they are gradually and progressive. The person suffering genuinely has no concept of how deaf they are or how much it affects those around them. He's has, probably, turned the TV up by one click a year for the last 10. Negligible to him but a full 10 clicks in one go is a huge jump to you.

The interesting thing is when people have their hearing rectified with an aid they, generally, can't stand it. It's far too loud. Your brain adjusts to the level of hearing you have.

First off he needs to understand his hearing loss via a really good audiologist (ime [being very honest] only NHS ones use reliable testing) and then needs to comprehend the difference... That's the hard part.

I work in this industry, we battle every day to explain this to people with gradual hearing loss. It's unbelievably hard for their hearing partners/children/neighbours.

Sorry no answer for you but definitely educated sympathy! Fwiw my OH has a mild hearing loss. I'm striving to educate him now grin

Teetime Wed 22-Mar-17 08:57:15

We have found that having the surround sound on means we don't have to have the TV on so loud as the clarity of sound is better.

Luckygirl Wed 22-Mar-17 09:19:37

I am always puzzled by people whose hearing is waning who refuse to do something about it. Why? What is that about? We are lucky that the technology is there to improve things.

I know that hearing problems creep up on you and it takes a while to realise what is happening, but if a loved one who shares your home is telling you that there is a problem then why resist this?

I began finding it hard to hear what OH was saying - he has PD and his voice is failing so I put it down to that; but when other instances occurred I had my hearing tested, and sure enough I needed aids in both ears. Since having them the birdsong has been wonderful - I had not realised I was not hearing it!

It is bizarre that some folk refuse to get the available help. Can't get my head round it at all!

Jayanna9040 Wed 22-Mar-17 09:36:24

Those of you who are lucky enough to have normal hearing - facilitate the hearing of your OHs not the deafness. Have the television at a level that is comfortable for you. If OH attempts to turn it up tell him/her it is very loud and uncomfortable. Do not retreat to another room. This only enables the denial to continue.
When you want to say something touch his arm and look directly at him. Don't talk from another room or continue to look at your pad(!) But speak in a normal voice. If you find yourself getting louder you facilitate his deafness. When you are sure you have his attention say things only once (Renee!) The "what" becomes habitual if you know the other person will repeat themselves. Hearing loss requires concentration. Don't repeat what the grandchildren (high voices tend to be harder to hear) or anyone else says so that he can engage with them.
Remark on the birdsong, traffic noise etc so that he has to acknowledge he cannot hear it.
I write this as a someone with significant hearing loss who would have a lesser life without the technology. It's freely available on our NHS.