" You don't love your grandchild enough!"

Whist I agree in theory one day a week isn't a lt to ask, it is if you don't find child care enjoyable.
I have the gc on an ad hoc basis, but my dh loves playing and being silly with them. I don't sadly,and make no apologies these days for how I feel.
For those who love it, great, for those who don't, don't do it!

No no no. There are some who do it, God bless them, but I don't know how. I don't see anything wrong with you being asked to help out once in a while if it fits with your rightfully active lifestyle. You don't want it to be a routine chore, but a special pleasure.

We all have the ability to choose , supergrannyknitknit. That is what seperates us as homo sapiens from everything else on this planet. Your choice was a conscious decision, not a no-way-out. Others might decide differently in the same circumstances.

I think all you can do is repeat to your son that you love your grandchild dearly but would find an entire day caring for him too much. Dare I mention that you could use the magic (but awful) phrase 'we're not getting any younger' to explain why you can't do it. Grandparents sometimes get put upon and you have to put your foot down.

Oh to be asked to care for grandchild. Oh to see GC. MIL does babysitting while DIl works. Haven't seen older child since he was one and never seen new GC.

This really is down to personal preference and is your choice. Your son should understand that so stick to your guns! I love looking after my grandchildren and find it stimulating to watch them learn and grow and seeing the world through new young eyes. Other grandparents may find it hard work, tiring and draining. Anyone who feels like this should say NO.

I've been thinking about the baby. Five days at home and 2 at a nursery should be fine. Adding a different third place could be a bit too much for him, after all he is only 5 months old.

I also think your step son & his wife should have discussed this with you and your husband before the baby was born.

It's difficult, isn't it! Have just spent three years trying to get more access to our beautiful grandchildren (we average seeing them once a month and we live just 10 minutes away) and DiL will always go to her mother first - which we understand to a point! However, we too have now retired and to be quite honest, it would be quite a tie to have to look after both of them once or twice a week - not to mention exhausting! I was desperate to see more of the children - now a sense of "be careful what you wish for" is creeping in! There's never a perfect middle road is there?

28 miles away? That makes it very difficult. We are just a couple of miles from their home, and the nursery is around OUR corner. That's the only way we could handle it in our case. I am 67 DH is 74.

Before the baby was born, they asked if when she started nursery, would we WANT to have her a half or a whole day each week. If so they would book her into that nursery specifically as it's near us. Her mum who lives overseas contributes to the nursery cost.

We offered to do the half-day starting when DGD was 11 months. Both parents often arrange to do work from home when they can in order to be with their daughter, but if a meeting comes up, they bring her to us if she's not at nursery to be fetched. Works out fine, and we do this ONLY if we are available and not made other plans or I am working/studying.

28 miles? That's a BIG ASK. No... you have no reason to feel guilty. Especially as the baby is still very very young and needs constant attention.

Day6 no you're not being unreasonable, DS is being unfair expecting you to travel so far & spend a whole day childminding then travel home. I didn't do any childcare with DGS1 as we lived about 80 miles away. DD has a disabled OH so will not return to work for a long time. DGS is almost 7, if he needs picking up from school or an overnight stay she has a really good network of friends with DC his age who he is friends with.

I moved 2 years ago after my DH died & now live about 10 miles from DD, I only see DGS1 every few weeks (school, after school, swimming, football commitments) at the weekend. I may be called on for some help when DGS2 is born as DD may have to have a caesarian, I will be required to provide transport until she's allowed to drive.

I have a fantastic relationship with DGS1, but like many I don't enjoy looking after babies, love them to bits but......

I could not commit to childcare as I'm building my own social life & want to enjoy my life something my DD encourages I too was a single parent, only 1 DD, went back to College, worked f/t during holidays, all of which my DD appreciates.

Wow I think your son should feel grateful for the amount of babysitting etc that you currently do.
We have had to sort out all childcare ourselves ever since our daughter, who is now 11 was born . One set of grandparents live far too far away to help and the others, although they live fairly close, we never see. They never even send her a card on he Birthday let alone offer to babysit.
On the odd occasion we have been out, we have to pay for a sitter.
Stick to your guns. You sound like wonderful grandparents to me. Xx

I find this so interesting. I think it's often about the commitment grans have when they are looking after their gc. I make it hard work because I want them to have the best time ever and it becomes such hard work others I think just get through the day and don't care whether it's stimulating for their gc or not.

As one who babysat after retirement for two days a week and took care of elderly parents as well I can tell you it's exhausting. I think 11 hours a day is a bit much . What happened to grandparents being the icing on the cake? The make them wild and give them back to their parents? So much is expected nowadays.
We stopped babysitting after three years on a regular basis as our son had three other people who were sitting regularly and we did all the work. We picked up the baby and dropped off the baby. We had another child who had no help and couldn't afford a sitter so we continued to sit for her and the two elderly parents. We did offer to sit for our son's as a fill and n or on weekends if they wanted to get out. Apparently that wasn't good enough as they haven't spoken to us in two years or allowed us to see the GC.
Such entitlement.
I would to go live your life and sit when you can but not regularly. Now one is living your life but you. Travel and enjoy retirement. Tomorrow is not promised.

You can get to know grandchildren very well, without having total, regular responsibility for them. I'd prefer to offer a weekend or an overnight a few times a year, or a trip out somewhere lovely, without parents now and again. But weekly, without exception, for possibly years?

You said no because you meant no, he asked nicely , you declined nicely, end of!

Well I can see why they think you might like to help out. You are after all his Grandparent. One day doesn't seem a lot to me, I would jump at the chance. If you want to help why not offer to pay for childcare for one day? An olive branch you could say. They might not need it as the Chancellor has just increased child care costs. I would look at this as an opportunity to get to know your Grandchild, not a chore.

It's very hard work looking after a GC. We did a long stint with twins. They had been very premature and so were very small when we started. In some ways it was a joy to be so close to them and have such a close relationship with them. On the other hand we had violent vomiting bugs that would typically start when DD left the house, fevers, nappy horrors, doctor and hospital appointments and I admit to clock watching from about 3pm until someone came home around 5 or 6pm. We started at 7.30am. It is a huge commitment and tie. Now they are at school I have said emergencies only. My health deteriorated just after I stopped doing childcare, so now we can't do all we had planned. That's life! It's very much a personal choice and your choice. Don't feel guilty. As long as you are there for emergencies that should be enough.

I think it's unfair to expect parents to take on childcare - it was hard enough with our own so we know what to expect!

Again, with expectation comes disappointment.

It's natural to feel guilty for whatever reason - accept and acknowledge you feel this way, then put the feeling aside and carry on with your plans. You are already providing your son with time off, for which he should thankful. It's not acceptable for your son to make you feel that way - out of order!

You are entitled to live your own lives no matter what anyone says.

On no. Don't feel guilty. I volunteered to have my first grandson rather than see him go full time to a childminder at 8 months. They were happy and suggested three days which seemed sensible. Then nearer the time they told me the three days comprised Thursday Friday and Monday though I had asked not to do Friday and Monday, just either or. It was by then writ in stone. No more travelling anywhere for a long weekend and so it was until he went to school. I was also expected to pick him up at 7 and deposit him home at 5, making a long day with an hour round stop start journey in London.

I do love childcare and absolutely adored my little grandson. I didn't have much of a childhood myself and enjoyed playing with him and teaching him about gardening, cooking and all the things I did with my children. But I did resent never having a long weekend free. I could ask my son to take a day from his holiday allowance to look after his son but could do nothing spontaneous. A visit to my sister for instance, 6 hours away at my pace, was just not worth going for one night's stay.

We probably all look forward to retirement as time to do all those things we never got round to when the children were at home. It hasn't worked like that for me as I ended up without a partner and I am still happily looking after my youngest grandchild. I'm too infirm to jump into the car and take to the hills but in the right circumstances that is what my ex and I had planned to do and you should have the freedom to make that choice.

Another NO vote from me.

We've been doing 3 sessions weekly since my darling GS started nursery at 8 months and I'm busy counting down the months till he starts school in September.

The plus side is that we're very close to him. The down side is that I find it mentally and physically exhausting. Even strapping him into the dreaded car seat (3 door car) is literally a pain in the neck!

Please don't feel guilty ...... I often think how nice it would be if once, just once, my DD or SIL would offer to wash my car .... or offer to do anything which might make my life easier. This whole childminding scenario is very much a one way street.

Definitely a big NO from me.

I don't think most nurseries will give a just one day placement anyway, as it's hard for them to fill their vacancies if they keep having odd amounts of time vacant. A friend's daughter tried that and all the places she asked said no, we don't offer places for less than 15 hours. It's probably better for the little one to just get used to one home-from-home for day care rather than having his routine changed 3 different ways a week.

Don't feel guilty, each to her own, we had one DGS for one day a week from 3 months to school, originally two days. Both OH and I soon found ourselves with back problems, he was a big boy. It is a big commitment and we certainly couldn't do it now, love is a very tender trap that sometimes has little to do with reality. Enjoy yourselves in your own way while you can.

I think you are fortunate to be able to choose not to be a regular babysitter.After our daughter's husband walked out on her and our two yound Granddaughters we had no choice but to help out so that daughter K could work more or less full time to keep herself and the girls in their home.Two years plus and we are still picking up from school two days a week.The girls are a delight and keep us young.We arrange our social life and holidays to suit us all.One day they won't be interested in G and Granddad,too busy with friends of their own age so we enjoy them while we can.GC grow up fast and we are pleased to have built up a good relationship with them.Hopefully they will visit when we are old and decrepit and are unable to holiday,I know my daughter will as she appreciates so much the love and support from us over such a difficult time of their lives.What comes around goes around.I realise your situation is different but who knows what the future lies?

I looked after on of my grandchildren yesterday for a few hours (he is nearing two). I loved it but definitely would not want to do it every week.

Do not feel guilty. Enjoy your retirement and offer to occasionally babysit

Why do some posters condemn as selfish those of us putting our own needs first-for me for the first time since I was in my twenties,having juggled work,children elderly parents?
If you asked either of my daughters they would tell you we are hugely supportive ,financially (money towards house purchase)practically (help in 'doing up'said houses)and emotionally (a shoulder to cry on occasionaly).
My brother's death at 61 last year has shown me we never know how much time we have left .For us this means spending time and doing things together ,and apart (including long -haul holidays on which we are squandering any further inheritance)Our own relationship necessarily sometimes took second place in the 'busy' years
For the first time in my life I have the time ,money and (at least for the moment)energy to pursue my own interests. I have worked very hard for this freedom