Are Parents Really To Blame

It is a silly unrepresentative article as one might expect. But they do have a point about how easy it was for us to get jobs and mortgages.

However all my children have worked hard and studied hard and own their own homes (their choice - I see nothing wrong with renting). They all work hard and are proving to be wonderful parents.

I can see that life when you set out as an adult is a struggle; but, in spite of the above advantages, we did struggle in our own ways - certainly we did not expect much - one beaten up car, second hand furniture and baby items, no possibility of holidays. But we did not feel hard done by because of this - it is just the way of the world when you are starting out.

There is an element of unrealistic expectations from some people I think.

The way I'm reading this, it was a reaction to criticism of millennials by boomers. Ott, perhaps, but understandable. If only more people in both generations would try to understand each other instead of lashing out!

Well some things don't change. You can still have a night in with a Vesta curry meal. The only difference is you can now buy them on Amazon.

www.amazon.co.uk/Ready-Meals-Vesta-Grocery/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=n%3A358600031%2Cp_4%3AVesta&tag=gransnetforum-21

I think a variety of problems have left the youngsters feeling resentful, some self-inflicted and some inflicted upon them, but those inflicted upon them are the same sort of problems we had 40 years ago. Interest rates were outrageous then and made monthly repayments on our mortgage exorbitant (so much so I had to get a job, any job). They do seem to expect much more these days, and we married quite young so had two incomes, and we worked abroad, in Germany for a year where the wages were better, to build up our house deposit. I do feel sorry for them in a way, but really they have just listened to what others have said and not thought about how how the world works. I also think there is a lot to be said about them living in a bubble of people who tell them what they want to hear. Some of the degrees they have been encouraged into are not really ideal for earning a living, and working straight from school gives you three or four years more wages to save and no debt. I think the pendulum is swinging back to apprenticeships though now. Not before time.

I think what these youngsters seem to forget is that life is much better now for more people. Most people did not have the chance to go to University at all. I think it was around 5-10% in my day. Now the proportion is much higher at around 50% if I'm correct.

Living standards have improved out of all recognition too. Like a pp, my parents' idea of an exotic meal was a Vesta curry. The rest of the time it was chips, chips and more chips served with bread and butter. It was cheap, filling and probably not great but that's what was on offer.

Even by the end of the 70s, many, perhaps the majority, of people did not have telephones, cars or central heating.

And the idea that "everyone" owned their home is a myth. It was only in the 80's that home ownership became a reality for the majority thanks, Thatcher.

This generation will hopefully not experience casual sexism or racism at work. Our daughters will not be slapped on the arse as a matter of course. They will not be told they are taking a man's job, or be turned down for jobs because the are some. They will not live their lives as outcasts because they are gay. They will not be hit by their teachers.

They have access to opportunities that that we didn't, and that our own predecessors could only dream of.

And property ownership has its downside too. Without the ties of a mortgage, you are free to live wherever you choose, free from the responsibility of repairs and maintenance. Any problem, you can just pick up a phone and let someone else sort it out.

I sometimes wonder whether the freedom to choose is actually part of the problem for today's young people. Perhaps they're overwhelmed and stressed by the limitless choice (or the illusion of it).

The more I read of the article the more annoyed I became about the gripes and moans. Yes some baby boomers had it good but many of us didn't. We didn't have the high expectations of todays young people who almost expect a 4 bedroom home and a well paid job soon after starting out. Are they willing to start at the bottom and work up the ladder? Many think a degree puts them in a higher category - not these days it doesn't! I'm appalled at the standard of some of the articles I get asked to read and the lack of research on a topic - they use Google and think that's enough. I don't believe it's totally their fault; it's their education. When I was starting out I couldn't buy new clothes - so I made them [it was cheaper then]; I kept tabs on my spending. I didn't have a car of my own for ages and I lived in a bedsit until I got married when we rented a flat and saved what we could for a tiny house. We used cheap cuts of meat etc etc. In a nutshell I'm sick of our generation being thought the bad guys. As already been posted we lived in fear of a nuclear way; we were well aware of WW2 and had none of the comforts that todays youngsters enjoy - and expect eg central heating; white goods; all year round veg etc etc.
Crumbs! That was more of a rant than I anticipated!!!

Just like to add, it's very clear from so many threads on GN just how much help is given with childcare these days, sometimes with little consideration of how much a strain it's putting on those grandparents. My perception is that previous generations didn't give that much help. I'm just very aware not only from these threads but when I'm out and about the number of grandparents seen with pushchairs etc., either that or they're very mature parents!

It`s all very well to say they should take any job but then they get stuck in low paid employment. If they go on to apply for better jobs and all they have on their CV is shop work or care assistant they are told they don`t have relevent experience - and all of the time younger kids are coming up behind them.
In retrospect, many of them would have done better by going straight into employment or apprenticeships from school - but that`s not what they were advised to do at the time.
Oh and for the record - my daughter and her partner haven`t had a holiday for 7 years and don`t smoke or drink

I'm another who feels that a generation war is being cranked up by some and there is a lot of resentment towards Baby Boomers. Not sure if I qualify as one being born mid '50s but certainly came in on the tail end of it. I think we have been a lucky generation in many respects, no wars, full employment and we benefited from getting on the housing ladder mid twenties, although that was hard at the outset and my goodness we didn't go out on the lash the way this generation do. I had quite a frugal nightlife compared to my children and their peers and needless to say we didn't have all the technilogical paraphernalia that they have, but I expect we would have had it if it had been in existence.

Having said that I think this generation have suffered, times move on and whilst there are undoubtedly benefits of living in a globalised world, there have been downsides to that as far as full employment is concerned and of course jobs have been lost to technological advances with worse to come from what I read with robots posed to take over in many fields. How that will pan out is anyone's guess. One of my sons had a hard time when he graduated, horrible zero hour contract job, but he's now managed to get on a career trajectory in publishing and I know from many conversations, it's getting that all important first break that's so hard when there are so many competing all with good degrees.

I don't like unfavourable comparisons being drawn between our home grown young and the new arrivals, with the suggestion thall ALL young people are lazy, my kids have turned their hands to working long and unsociable hours at times as do many of their generation. It's a very one dimensional sweeping view of young people to perceive them all as lazy just as it is to assume all people of a certain age are comfortably off.

We have given our children a lot of help financially, our own parents left us money which we feel duty bound to act as a custodian for to ensure that they will get help with important things. Anything frivolous we have told them "forget it" we won't have their grandparents' hard earned money frittered away. However, they have now reached an age where they value all the help we have given them.

Young people now get an enormous amount of help from their family and forget that. Reading Gransnet it is clear that many GN members, even those on small incomes are helping their children in all sorts of ways; some provide their children free board and lodging, others help with childcare, where appropriate or buy clothes and pay for DGC extra-curricular activities. Better off GN members help with house and car purchase.

This was almost unknown for their parents, both DH and I had parents who were comfortably off, but we never had a penny off them for anything, not because they would not have helped if asked, but it just never occurred to them - or us. We were expected to be self-supporting from the day we left school or university.

And lets face it when we were young we didn't own houses, or have huge assets, while our older generation owned houses and had servings, that is the natural progression of life.

Young people also forget the cost of acquiring our assets. Mortgage interest rates at 10% plus. Half our salary going in mortgage payments when we had 2 children. Hike current mortgage interest rates up to 10% and house prices would plummet, and house building would cease and builders would be going bankrupt left right and centre because the cost of building houses would exceed the selling price.

I could go on, but won't, you will be relieved to find.

Jalima, all those degree courses are hobby jobs. There what you aspire to once you've done a 'proper job'. In fact when I was growing up it was advised that you always kept two irons in the fire. You got your apprenticeship first, then you tried your hand at doing the job you really wanted. If it didn't work out, well at least you were skilled in something else.

The article makes quite sad reading really. Sad that they're blaming their parents and sad that they're not happy.

What they need now is a reality check, come down a peg or two, then go a different route. Dreams aren't impossible but sometimes you've just got to wash dishes to get there.

BTW, we can't even blame out teachers. I was told I was a no hoper and dyslexic at school. I never listened and obviously they were wrong.

Must go out now and spend some of my hard-earned pension
(At Tesco, looking for offers).

It's a wooden spoon article.

However, if you read it, their degrees give some indication of the cloud cuckoo land they inhabit:
Screenwriting
Costume and performance design
Masters in creative writing

The PGCE courses will be over-subscribed before too long!

Jalima, it's called the 'Britain's Got Talent' effect. Not based on real life.

One contrast that always makes me think is that EU migrants find jobs, housing and manage off the minimum wage without complaining. Their work ethic is excellent and they are grateful mostly because where they've come from is much tougher. My neighbour is Latvian and got sent home after working in a Tesco warehouse for 48 hours without a break. He was upset and knocked on my door worried. He thought he'd made his manager angry hence being sent home. I told him not to worry, it was just by law his employer must obey health and safety rules.

He shook his head and said 'but I'm saving up for a sofa'!

Very hard working, young guy.

I caughththe bus if it rained - lucky me.
Otherwise bike or Shanks' s pony.

It was my millennial DD who cycled to work into London
She didn't tell me.

nina
I thought it was a bit low!
Surely there must be one screenwriter's apprentice's assistant job amongst that number?

Some think they are entitled to the sun, moon and stars when they leave university - they don't realise that someone has to make the tea and that is the route many baby boomers took to reach where they wanted to be.

Her degree was in screenwriting

Thanks Jalima, 751,000 jobs is correct. I missed typing the 0's.

Jalima, I forgot to add a bike to my list of outgoings! I had a rickety old bike to cycle 4 miles to work at 5.30am at 16 years of age. I worked in a bakery when I left school. Boy was I fit. All that cycling uphill.
I had no parents on the scene. Self motivated.

751, 000 job vacancies in December 2016 I think!

Thank goodness my DC are not whingers although I only have one true millennial.
If they suffered redundancy they took a job - any job - until something better came along. My millennial worked in a pub after her graduate job became redundant - and she got a free room.
I would never have seen them homeless and I thought that is how they got the label 'the boomerang generation' - kept returning home.

I feel sorry for the mother of the girl in the article, a lone mother probably struggling on a minimum wage trying to do the best for her daughter only to have it all thrown back in her face. Perhaps she should have told the girl to leave school at 16 and get a job to contribute to the household income, as so many youngsters were told in the 1960s.

Perhaps she could afford a bike out of her £400 a month and start looking for a job.
And before someone says anything, that's how DD got to work for a couple of years.

Just thinking while having morning coffee, I bought two houses back in the 70's, they needed work and I got them in a buyers market.

My monthly outgoings were

mortgage
electricity
rates (council tax)
coal
telephone
TV licence
water
food
petrol
road tax
contents insurance
food

I spent most of my income paying these bills and saving what was left.

Today, if you ask a younger person to present their outgoings, it will be the above plus ;

holidays several times a year
smartphone
internet
store cards
personal loans
credit card loans
car loans
payday loans
childcare costs
eating out

Back in the 70's we couldn't 'buy' a lifestyle, it wasn't on offer. Eating out had only really just become fashionable with pub basket meals (scampi & chips). My parents night in was a Vesta take away meal that you had to rehydrate. That was the first real taste of a curry. After this it was fish and chips.
Alcohol was drunk in pubs and nights out were once a week if we didn't have any bills to pay. I don't remember having a credit card, I'm sure they weren't available then.

Contrast this with today and a lot of people have debt because they feel they have to 'buy the lifestyle'.

I dont know.
I suppose if you and I were repeatedly told work hard, get good grades and you will do well,they are going to feel miffed or worse when it doesnt pan out that way.

They followed the rules as it were, and now they are interns, earn £400 a month, work two jobs at least[very common in this neck of the woods]etc.

Ankers, why do they always need someone to blame?

Good post Anya and am in full agreement with it, so nothing further to add.

My grandmother, who I adored, told me when I was young that if I made my life about being a slave to having money and things, I'd never have any freedom. That was good advice.
I'm not short of anything now but I still live by her wise words. I owned two houses outright in my youth which I bought because I had to live like a recluse for 3 years just to save up. I did it though. Deposits were 20% back then and interest rates were much higher than now.

A good book? The Richest Man In Babylon makes a lot of sense.