Are Parents Really To Blame

I agree you shouldn't have to. I have a child who I have to help out now and again who hasn't got a clue how to do anything really through depression. I have tried left right and centre to get him the help he needs but to no avail and now I'm getting older and affected by health issues I'm not sure how he'd cope without me which scares me

The one advantage of owning a property rather than renting is that you have the money to pay for your own care and are not at the mercy of Social Services whose only definition of a decent care home is that it is cheap.

Over the last 20 years I have visited friends and family in a range of care homes and I am so, so, so, grateful to know that if I ever need care I have the money to ensure that I am in a decent quality home that can cater for my requirements.

Another thing facing our generation is the cost of care for the elderly.

I really struggled to become a home owner. Luxuries were out and I've just got by for most of my life. (I too do not understand those who buy extortionately priced coffee when out!! The casual way in which coffee drinking has become the norm on any trip out still has me bemused and horrified in equal measure!)

Because life has been hard I'd like to leave something to my children; it makes the hard slog and deprivations worthwhile.

However, two relatives in their early 60s are paying over £2,400 per MONTH to keep their elderly and confused parents in nursing homes. What was their inheritance has been completely whittled away.

I fear that all OH and I have worked for will go the same way should either, or both of us need care homes in our dotage.

This is one of the reasons I feel younger people oughtn't be striving to buy their own homes. I know renting can also be very expensive but it comes with the bonus that you can walk away from it and move on at will and maintenance and repair costs are minimal/non existent.

My four children were told time and time again - when they were old enough to understand - that they shouldn't buy anything on credit. If they couldn't afford it they didn't buy it. I am glad they took that on board. Like many they've worked in all sorts of casual jobs to boost their income. They were all 25+ before they settled into their careers, and even with degrees none started with a big pay packet. They are still repaying their student loans, but I haven't been able to help any of them financially. My parents couldn't help me and my siblings either, when we were young, but we didn't expect it.

As others have said, I do feel some younger people have sky high expectations. The phrase " champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget " springs to mind. Almost all of my friends, now like me in their sixties, have stories regarding times of extreme hardship. The difference seems to be.....we sort of expected it. It was the norm to be hard up and many of us had to scratch around to pay the bills. Going without was a fact of life. I know the world has changed but having the bare minimum when young was the norm until fairly recently.

Your so right to be proud azie09 Wish i had tge chance to go back and start again with my two boys.I wouldnt have spoilt them as i did .

We never had anything much as im a baby boomer I grew up in terrble poverty !
As my dad never worked due to him being an alcholic.
We never had a car, and lived in a very damp council house!
I married young at 21, and we bought our 1st home together Planning on leaving in 3 years.As it was a small townhouse in a poor area.But guess what , im still there 35 years later.We couldnt sell it after the 3 years for the price we needed to take the next step up the property ladder.As due to a econmic downturn lots of people on my estate were getting evited. Then the landlords moved in buying up, nearly the whole estate in ten years.Theres only 3 of the houses owned on the estate now.Mibe is 1 of them!
When i left school at 16, havent been forced to to go to work, and not 6 form or uni as i wanted.(My dad wanted the income i could bring in so hed have more to drink)As to supporting adult children, i had 2 dss I paid for everything for them them even paying rental fees .Admin costs to get them settled.I paid for my older sins uni fees and helped him all the way through uni.Once paying off a huge vodaphone bill which he had run up over £400 .Sadly my youngest son is also now a alcholoic.I cant tell you the thousands of £ss he had out of us.Yes im still with the same husband i married at 21.
At 36 years old i was struck down with a terrble brain virus that had a casrtophe effect on the rest of my life Ive been living on a pittance of incapicity benefit of yes £400.00 Per month.Thats all i get i ve no pension, and at 56 im very disabled and so dont get a state pension.Not till 66.
Which at the rapid rate my healths declining i dont expect too reach.I also psid for my elder sons wedding .A son that is so selfish we havent seen him for over 5 years.
Thus generation has all been brought up with us parents spoiling them rotten , giving them far too much and now there the generation of entilatment We had it hard in our way there slso having it hard in there way .At least they had our help and support, which we still give ie looking after our grandsons 1 afternnoon a week.But nowvim all wasged up abd no savings keft no pension no pip .Only a pittancecto live on and my hubbys pension .Do you think thereve ever offered us a penny or any other help .Not on your nellie We did our best now i personally am all out of giving .

Income tax in Norway is going down to 25%.
Tax on alcohol /tobacco is extremely high (glass of wine £17, small beer £10) but the tax goes directly into health services. Electricity is very cheap(hydropowered from all the water) and all heating and lighting power produced by the state.

I think the average income is about £10k higher than UK and gap between richest and poorest is not anywhere like the divide in UK.

The government was so clever with their oil and sold of drilling rights with a % paid back to Norway for the oil produced.

They invested mega Kroner from the sales of their (national ) oil and have trillions invested to keep the country going when their oil runs out.

Income tax was 33%. Yes, I remember now.
Why are they so against putting up income tax by even 2p in the £ nowadays to pay for the public services?

I remember my DHs first proper pay slip..we had married in August '71. I was still a student and he was starting teaching in Sept. He had worked, since leaving college in June, first as a supply teacher and then a white van man. We were very frugal and his holiday earnings saw us through able to eat and pay the bills until the end of September when his pay slip arrived: £62!

janeainsworth The salaries we earned on graduation do now seem ridiculous. My first job was in 1973 and there were, incidentally, 200 applicants for it. The company offered £1503 per anum to a suitable new graduate or £1303 to an experienced non-graduate. Income tax was 33%. It wasn't all an easy ride for baby boomers.

It was a job in the media so it clearly wasn't that easy to get into the media in the 1970s. I can't think why the young woman complaining in the Daily Mail article assumed it was going to be easy now. All aspects of the media have always been over-subscribed because people, mistakenly in my opinion, seem to believe that it is glamorous.

I, too, love and care for my AC, GC, and GGC.

We spend on ourselves and them now, no inheritance issues (I hope) as I'm not a proponent of 'inheritances'.

I read that bit in the article and I don't like the idea of AC counting on an inheritance or saying silly things like 'parents are spending inheritance'. No, just no, I'm enjoying traveling. I had my first at 17, we want to see the world.

Well, I love and care about my DC and DGC and I hope to leave them enough money to establish DGC in life.

I am certainly not reining in my expenditure to ensure they inherit a large sum, I am fortunate to have a comfortable standard living and can see no point in going on mad pointless spending sprees just to use up my assets.

I also remember that part of our comfort in retirement comes from the money we inherited from our parents and it would be very selfish to be prepared to live a riotous retirement on what we inherited without caring enough for our children leave something so that they too can have a comfortable retirement

I intend to spend, leaving enough for final care.

Wel, that's going to be a bit of a gamble, isn't it? Who knows how much you'll need for care in your last years?

There again, you could pop your clogs on day one of 'care' and your children will be quids in!

I think that my money is not 'inheritance' yet, I intend to spend, leaving enough for final care. Everyone has different approaches to 'inheritance' and who deserves what.

I wonder which 'research' that was, Norah.
I'm not spending my kids' inheritance. I'd like to leave them something to help them live reasonably comfortably in their own retirements.
The article stated that in the 60s the 'average' salary was £11K.
When I started work (not counting student holiday jobs) in 1973 my salary was £1125 per year. MrA had already been working for a few years and earned the princely sum of £1850, the cost of our first house, a two-up two-down end terrace in north Manchester.
Not a very well researched article, imho.

Every generation has different challenges. I'm fine with analysing the differences & noting the problems faced by each group but I dislike the blaming & pitting of one group against the other. I also dislike the stereotypes like I read this week in an article about Generation X that we boomers were old at 40! The generational war is a fabrication of the likes of the Intergenerational Foundation & politicians such as David Willetts for their own ends.

"Indeed, research shows two out of three of those born during the population explosion following World War II would rather spend their children's inheritance than pass it on."

Yes, I sure hope so.

Grannyrainbow, yes, resentment is part of the wedge being driven between the generations. You've summed it up accurately.

Reading around all the stuff from both "sides", it saddens me to observe what appears to be an ever widening divide between the generations. Most of the parents who took advantage of home ownership back in the day did so to the detriment of other luxuries...i.e. holidays, cars, clothes....often making their own, or using pre-owned...cooked and baked and knit to offset cost. Possibly the biggest mistake they made was wanting better for their children, often working several jobs to provide it. Did they unwittingly sow the seeds of entitlement, helped along by constant advertising of goods easily obtained through credit. Even today, I balk at paying the price of a cup of "fancy" coffee, which seems to be an accepted part of just going to the shops for the younger ones. I once watched a young family of four in a fast food place, pay a ridiculous amount of money for one "meal". For the same price I could have fed them all cheap, healthy meals for a week. How can you possibly expect two such opposite, albeit generational attitudes, to ever gel?

Also reading more has flagged up a resentment from the young people that shocked me. Is this resentment in fact a big factor in the Toxic Parents No Contact Rule?

And I heartily agree with others about the over-availability of credit. Two of my children ran up large credit card debts, in addition to student loans. Surely the banks should bear student loans in mind before they throw out credit via credit cards? Also student loan interest rates are high and the companies make it very difficult for people to make any additional payments other than those through PAYE, even if they can afford to do this.

This has obviously already been said but it is not realistic for our sons and daughters to expect the same standard of living (when they first start work) as they have had living at home with their parents.

Complaints about baby-boomers abound, but for those of us who chose to buy our own homes it has not always been an easy ride. We had very high mortgage rates at various stages and certainly did not always have a very high standard of living. Yes, we've made money on our houses - and through doing this many of us have helped our children to get onto the housing ladder - but we certainly did not usually live as well as many of them are living today. My children all have their own homes, go on regular foreign holidays and live at a much higher standard of living than we did.

Personally I chose to stay at home until my children were all at primary school, but would probably have done that anyway as I could not earn enough to pay for good childcare - it simply was not available to most of us. Those mothers of my children's generation whom I know can usually afford to pay for decent childcare so many families have two incomes coming in. Whilst the cost of childcare may temporarily reduce their income for a few years it does enable them to stay in the working community which will mean that their salary is higher in the long run.

Our children would be appalled at the idea of living in a bedsit, they have never had to share a grotty flat, and took it for granted that they would be home owners. Yes, this all been achieved - at our (willing) expense.

Sorry,

Chloret1 I quite agree, but they started it! [grin}

Lots of stereotypes being bandied around - as others have said rather than pitting one generation against the other in a pointless slanging match, better to work together trying to solve the considerable problems of today.

ankers I am the parent of a 'true' millennial and I am in my 70s - not quite enough to be a 'baby boomer' I admit, but as near as makes no difference.

I thought millennials came of age in the year 2000 and I object to this whingeing lot being put in the same category!

I do not begrudge the millenials any of the innovations that have come in since I was in my twenties: elctronic equipment, houses with central heating or anything like that. I had all the new technology at their age (transistor radio, Dansette record player, hand calculator(grin)). It is the amount they spend on drink, drugs (not all of them), entertainment, clothes, expensive coffees, eating out, ready meals etc etc. Things we could have spent money on if we chose to and the casualness with which they accept credit card debt for almost anything they want (Take the waiting out of wanting) and then blame us for their problems, that so annoys me.

It cost us the same share of our salary to buy a house as it does now and one of the key drivers of the price for starter homes has been the buy to let buyers and they are mainly people between 30 and 50, considerably younger than most of us, who are investing in them instead of pensions.