Oldest son went missing

What an awful experience for you. Was it the police who found him in the end? They're usually getting criticism for not taking missing person reports seriously. Thank goodness they did in this case. Who knows what might have happened to him if they'd delayed taking action?

Similar things do happen here in England only slightly different. Social Care buy large houses and convert them for people who need support and carers go in around the clock. There are a number of them by me. Some of the neighbours aren't too happy. As these are usually in an expensive house area.

We see them being taken to the Post Office to get their money out. I wonder why they cannot do something similar for the elderly. It must be quite costly so where the money comes from I don't know.

Met a Nun getting off the bus one evening, when walking the dog, she asked me where a certain address was and I told her it was at the top of the road up hill. It was 9 pm and she was obviously doing the overnight shift.

It was the Scottish police on the phone, my Mother is 100% mentally fit, and knew exactly what she was doing, and seemingly revelled in all the attention she got.
She is poison, always had been, a person who does not want to have her own children should never have been persuaded or allowed to adopt.
My son is back at work today so we have to wait and see how things go when he gets home.

Gosh you have had a time of it !! Glad that for the moment at least all is well ...albeit not your stress levels ! It would have been bad enough if you had lived in the UK but from Belgium, what did they expect you to do >! I live in France so know the heightened risk of security and in all honesty I expect the level of involvement from the Police you had is probably to be expected in this day an age sadly ....they are criticised if anything happens and criticised if they go through all these procedures and nothing happens ! I guess we have to go through this rigorous process nowadays.

Having said all that like others who have responded I also worked in a MH Unit which was a fairly open unit with only one secure facility for those considered a danger to themselves or others ....not very secure though...once passed a patient walking to the reservoir and phoned the unit for someone to come and get her (I was in a traffic jam to get home from work)

On the whole you relative sounds fairly happy and content and is so lucky that he is in a nice home with decent people .....shame your mother upset him .......like you say, he needs to have someone to supervise his visits to her if she upsets him,

Worrying time for all concerned ! Enjoy (or hope you enjoyed making the cakes and eating them !)

Bon courage !

Glad it is all seems to be working out now Felice. It must have been very stressful.

It is annoying when people keep rephrasing a question when they don't like the answer. A surprising number of people do that.

Unfortunately with so many people with dementia type conditions and lack of funds large institutional hospitals maybe the only way of caring for them all.

I m not sure I ve got all this.... you live in Brussels His Grandmother is in Scotland and he was trying to get to Portugal where you used to live Which police were interrogating you Belgian police or British over the phone?

Anyway I m glad it's all sorted and he's back where he should be perhaps your mum has dementia at 98 and is living in a parallel world ?

sharedlivesplus.org.uk/
For anyone who is interested. I dont know why this seems to be so little known.

<sucks air through teeth> Theological college? And now Trappist beer? No wonder the anti-terrorist squad were after you - clearly radicalised! (Good grief...)

Sounds a terrible time, Felice. Hope all settles back to normality Real Soon!

So sad to hear your news my thoughts are with you. I hope that things get sorted out ok.

* Felice* I'm short on time today but really thinking of you. X

Sorry you are going through such a difficult time our children are always a worry no matter what age they are hope your son gets the help he needs

I am glad you have had a happy ending.. but Oh my goodness it takes it out of you this sort of thing. People think when the wanderer returns that is the end of it but your energies are depleted for ages afterwards.

Look after yourself catch up on your sleep and eat well..........

The police don't seem to have been very sensitive and such behaviour impacts on the carer too............

Bless you, all of you.

xx

It sounds a marvellous system Felice, but it's not in here in my bit of England. Perhaps just a Scotish thing or a trial? I suspect there may be a slight shortage of professional workers here!

I am just so glad that he was found safe and well. A shame you had to go through all that, but I suppose if the police and authorities do not ask the questions on the agenda, and something goes seriously wrong, then the buck stops with them. What a really horrible time for you though.

f77ms, it is a system in Edinburgh, I do not know if anywhere else, where adults with controlled mental health problems live in the community but in the homes of trained professionals. DS1s' carer is a retired Mental Health Nurse.
I suppose you could say DGS is her lodger, it is for those who work and can mix in society.
He has a care worker(about as much use as a chocolate teapot to be honest, change all the time and get younger by the minute).
I think it is a great system, I certainly would be unable to cope with DS1 and I think sometimes parents/family are inclined to be too soft with behavioural issues.
Off to Church now with DGS, I wonder if the anti-terrorist squad will be waiting when we get home,,,,,¨.
When I get a minute I will wrtite the type of ridiculous quetions I was asked, and my reply to the officer who asked me if I understood the current terrorist threat. I live in Brussels for sake.

I do so agree! Our large Learning Disability hospital was also closed or 'reprovided' as it was called. This meant that people were scattered to so called 'care in the community' which turned out to be a ragbag of small flats with intermittent visits from ever changing 'carers' and the poor souls on high doses of anti depressants to help them cope. All very well meaning of course but extremely sad for people. I used to work across settings and I would often be asked 'how is so and so'? People completely lost touch with others they'd lived with all their lives and all in the name of progress.
There was undoubtedly abuse in the old days but there was also excellent care and the potential to live happy fulfilled lives. In stamping out the potential for abuse a huge amount of good caring practice was lost. and

I should have emphasised the 'some'! I do realise that a lot of people who would have been "put away" then are more than capable of coping in the big wide world especially now there is more and varied support available.

I too am so glad to hear your DS is safe and sound again. It must have been an horrendous time. Anti-terrorist squad? The carer must have been traumatised!

I worked for a mental health charity in Norfolk, f77ms and we supported some of those who would have been in a secure psychiatric hospital had one existed and been happy there. They struggled with life alone. One used to try to get himself arrested each Christmas so he could spend it with others. They were very vulnerable to being taken advantage of from being convinced they'd won a fortune with Readers Digest to having drug users taking over their accommodation. Closing those hospitals with no real alternative was a disaster.

felice Glad things have worked out well and that your son is safe . Just wondering , does your son know where you live? your post says he was on his way to Portugal where you all used to live . I have never heard of the arrangement he has re living with a carer as part of a family ,( I was a PSYchiatric nurse btw)so just interested . When Thatcher shut down all the Psychiatric hospitals - there were 1.000 beds in my local hospital - not really sure what happened to most of the patients who were quite happy and institutionalised living in the hospital . It was what we used to call a Total institution , everything from work to leisure provided and most of the patients had full and reasonably happy lives without the stresses of the outside world .

Felice. I have just seen this post, and my stomach turned over. I cannot begin to imagine how terrible this must have been for you.I am so pleased it seems to have reached a happy conclusion. Get yourself some rest. [flowes]

Oh dear felice, what a worry. It does sound as if the police over-reacted totally in the way they treated his carer and made the situation worse. I'm glad he was found safe and sound.

Let's hope he settles down again with reassurances and your mother doesn't upset the applecart again.

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felice looking back on your week you must feel you have been on a surreal rollercoaster ride

Glad your DS is back in the family/carer fold

Your DGS is keeping you all grounded.

Even with what you have been through I detect a sense of humour

wish it could be from a RL bottle.!

No need to apologize, felice! What a week you've had! How frightening to have DS disappear like that! Glad he was found and was okay though. All's well that ends well.

I agree with the idea of visits with your mum being supervised though. Hope you can work that out.

Ok another thing done, and just made cookie dough with DGS, sorry i seem to be using GN to chat to today, helping a stressed out DooDoon get through the day.
Roll on bedtime, mine!!!