Could You Really Be This Bitter - Inheritance.

Estrangement that goes on for years without reconciliation is indeed very sad for all concerned.

I do think it's wrong to assume that if an EP disinherits an AC it's being done only out of spite and bitterness, a last vengeful act. In a situation where the AC refuses all attempts of reconciliation and refuses to have anything to do with their parent(s), I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to be disinherited. If you refuse to have contact with them while their alive, you shouldn't expect to benefit from their death.

Starlady, that is true. A lot of estranged parents feel so let down by estranged adult children that yes, they have disinherited them, I know. There are no winners in estrangement.
I know many good, devoted parents who have tried and tried but to no avail. In which case, you can hardly blame them.

I just think that once ed married this man, the mother could have extended an olive branch and admitted maybe she was wrong, etc. But maybe she didn't think so. We don't know, of course.

Maybe she tried and it didn't go well. It does say there were attempts at reconciliation but they failed. Maybe the mother still was critical of her sil or maybe the daughter wasn't ready to accept her mother back into her life. Idk, obviously. But if the mum had made it clear that she was sorry she drove them away and that now she was ready to accept their love and their lifestyle, etc., I would like to think they could have reconciled at some point. But maybe I'm wrong.

But the story doesn't seem so strange to me, I'm sorry to say. Iv often read on GN where eps say they've taken their eac out of their wills or are thinking about it. When estrangement goes on long enough and there has been a lot of hurt, I guess, this is where it leads sometimes. Very sad all around.

I agree Smileless. There is no Utopian childhood and no perfect parent.
As for estranged family members, well I am cut off by both my mum and daughter but at least it gives me the advantage of seeing things from both angles.

Not everyone reaps what they sow SAAK, you only have to read the posts from parents estranged from their AC to see that isn't always the case.

Phoenix, me neither but never mind. I'm in a good place with it all. Hope you are too. x

Going back to the original post, below are a list of reasons for contesting a will.

testamentary capacity;
lack of valid execution;
lack of knowledge and approval;
undue influence;
fraudulent wills and forged wills; and.
rectification and construction claims.

It was certainly sad that there was such a long estrangement and it does sound as though the mother bore a grudge, but in my view that is neither here nor there. Since the daughter was not dependant on her at the time of her death, whatever her circumstances were, the mother had a perfect right to leave her estate to whomsoever she wished. I am very surprised (and disappointed) to see the court awarded the daughter anything at all.

Well, I have no idea what I could possibly have "sown"!

There's a very apt saying... you reap what you sow. Its a very very true one.

SAAK, you've misread my post. I was talking about your heart healing so you can forgive your mum. xxxx

Im not sure why your child has to heal her heart nina. My child will never have to. I don't see it as not "being able" to forgive. Some things are unforgivable. I have learned to let it go and it made me never ever do that to my child, so it had a good outcome.

SAAK, I am sorry you haven't been able to forgive your mother. It's not an issue for me. Be assured that if and when my daughter decides to speak to me, the door will be open.
There's no time limit to forgive BTW. Time helps, acceptance too. Forgiveness is something you do after your heart has healed. It takes some doing but it's a time thing.

I found it very hard to forgive my mother nina, in fact I still haven't. Ive come to terms with it. I hope you have time to help your daughter forgive you.

Things are in motion behind the scenes Jalima. I'm hopeful.

Thank you for your support on this one Jalima.

I can't really think of anything else to add. My situation is peaceful and manageable. Life is calm and we're just getting on with life. She's in my thoughts, I love her, Im OK with it.

Well done, saak; all too often behaviour is learned and perpetuated generation after generation.
nina yes, it is possible to break that cycle, even if it is difficult.

I'd ask myself a big why then nina. Children are the product of us.

I am not bitter towards my daughter. I think I have said this several times. She is treating me unfairly at the moment though and so I wouldn't accept being treated like a doormat. The only way to grow a healthy relationship is by agreeing to treat each other like human beings don't you agree? My heart and door are both open but I draw the line at being taken for granted. That said, it's not an option at the moment. She's not speaking to me, not the other way around. At this point in time, I am enjoying the peace I have to be honest.

My son is a well balanced gorgeous young man and guess why. He had unconditional love from the moment he was born. No excuses.

I personally believe different Nina. I believe in putting your children first no matter what the circumstances. I also had an uncaring mother. Once I had my child I could not actually believe that she acted the way she did. If more people put their offspring before themselves the world would be a better place. No excuses, I will or never accept them. I don't accept your behaviour either, why would you ever be bitter towards your daughter.

Life happens though. We can't control everything. Parents can only respond and do their best in situations. My mum wasn't very loving or kind but when I look back, her life was very hard. Things happened that she just couldn't have planned for and in her generation there was no escape. We've since diagnosed mental health issues far more accordingly and that allows for us to look at people and situations differently. Even if our parents can't change, we can change the cycle if we're aware so that it's not carried into the next generation. I can't find it in myself to be bitter towards my own daughter. However, what my daughter does is her choice. My choice is not to be my mother and act out of misplaced anger or resentment. When I think of my daughter, I think of the little girl I brought into the world. I'm not very happy with how she's treating me but it's my own behaviour that I am responsible for and I want to her to know that while I didn't condone her behaviour she was still loved. She hasn't got any other relatives so one day she'll need a mum. We all do. If my legacy is to have left her a bit of cash that gets her through life, I feel I've still been a good mum.

Ok I get we are all human, that's where mitigation comes to the fore. Balance is the key. You as an adult want to do something, great. But you then do something with your child the next night and so on.

Life should never get in the way. Never. You have a child and they become your priority. Trying your "best" is not good enough, ever!

Stillaliveandkicking, that's not always the case. Most parents try their best. Life gets in the way and circumstances can make things very difficult.
In this particular case though, I think the mothers behaviour is strange.