Could You Really Be This Bitter - Inheritance.

Hmm, yes, but things aren't always what they seem. There were two examples in my family of rifts caused by mothers wanting to stop their underage (ie under 21 at that time) daughters marrying men they disapproved of. They tried to do this for what they saw as good reasons, and out of love and concern for their daughters. Neither was controlling or vindictive. On the surface these men were very unsuitable in different ways, but against the odds the marriages did both go ahead and were very happy. In at least one of these cases, and I believe in the other as well, it was the mother who tried to apologise and make amends, and the daughter who would not forgive or relent in any way. I come from a line of stubborn women! Neither daughter would have wanted an inheritance from their mother, nor did they get one. As a descendant of these women, I very much regret missing out on family photos and mementos. But not money.

As I understood it, they had been estranged for over 20 years. I don't think it matters why. Why should Mum "make provision for the daughter" after all that time (or even after 2 years)? Unless you can prove that mum was not of sound mind when she made the will, the will should stand. If you earn the money it's up to you how you leave it, isn't that what making a will is all about? I wouldn't leave her any money either.

Not knowing the whole story, it is hard to speculate but my gut feeling on the article is that if the daughter probably had strong feelings of abandonment driven by a wounded inner child caused by her mother's rejection. I think this was her motivation. The money simply represented her being finally recognised that she existed. I know how all this feels so I can relate. Thankfully, I'm well read on inner child survival and on abandonment issues too. Greed may have played a part but the fact that daughter had been on benefits for years suggest her self esteem never got off the ground because it had been mercilessly stamped on and crushed by an unforgiving mother.

I personally wouldn't chase after my mothers estate, I don't need her forgiveness or her money.
What I would say though is, and this is just my opinion, if you leave a will cutting someone off out of spite and vindictiveness, you leave a legacy of hate and as you go, you take it with you as well as leave it behind. That's a sad reflection on you, not the person you resent or dislike.
If any family were to chase after your legacy, they are unlikely to win. If they do, it's probably contaminated and not worth having. A bad omen perhaps.

But if you leave your estate to a deserving cause out out genuine goodwill and a wish to help, then even if your family are not included, at least you've left a legacy of goodness which will probably help others greatly.

I think the mother and daughter's story is tragic but not uncommon sadly but I would conclude that the daughter has suffered the most because of a cold hearted, unforgiving mother who's last act was to punish her even further. I hope the daughter can go on to find some self forgiveness and recovery because having such a mother, and without strong reserves of inner strength, will destroy every last drop of self respect you have.

With respect Nina, you have created an entire scenario from absolutely no facts. You say that it is impossible to judge this case, yet then go on to suggest that, albeit in your opinion, the mother was "cold hearted and unforgiving", whilst the daughter suffered "abandonment" issues. It is just as likely that the opposite could be true....we just don't know.

What I do question is why the daughter - and presumably the husband - had spent their entire lives receiving benefits. They had five children. Had either of them ever worked? If not, it could be speculated that they actually felt entitled to the mothers money. Something the mother may have been aware of. Her initial opposition to her daughter's husband may, in her mind, have been well founded over the years. Perhaps she felt she was the abandoned one, and after years of loneliness decided they didn't deserve her money.

I have been a counsellor for many years, albeit retired now, and my experience has taught me that there are as many stories as there are people. The old adage "one tales good til the other one's told" is very true.

Grannyrainbow, haven't you just done the same in reverse??? Created a scenario without any facts but biased against the daughter?

I did make it plain it was just my own conclusion based on instinct. I wasn't concluding from 'facts' because there aren't any.

Not at all. I wanted to illustrate how easy it is to create scenarios. I didn't say it was my personal opinion. I did also say "albeit in your opinion". Despite that, what you wrote felt somewhat judgemental, tempered by personal experience...just my opinion.

I read a report which said the father died before the daughter was born. It looks as if the mother raised the D alone from the word go. She objected to the. D moving in with the BF before they were married, however the relationship appears to have lasted and they did marry. This info was all in one of the reports when the case finished in court - of course may not be totally correct.

I think that's right Welshwife - as far as we know

How sad that the bitter mother missed out on having a loving family around her.

No Grannyrainbow, you're jumping to conclusions. It's not based on my personal experience. I forgave my mother a long time ago. I can't help it if she's remains bitter and distant. The most important and valuable lesson for me, is that I am not like her. I also have a daughter who receives benefits and doesn't speak to me because of what's she's been told by mother.
I could never judge her just because she receives benefits or leave her out of my will because at this point, she doesn't speak to me.

I will always love my daughter no matter what and I couldn't leave this world in bitterness or hate. She will always be protected and cared for.

I may be being dimn here, but I don't see how it's possible to "always protect and care for " a daughter who doesn't speak to you "because of what she's been told by mother"
Generational conflict is desperately sad. It doesn't necessarily leave someone, no matter how 'well read on abandonment and inner child survival".
I don't want to cause distress to anyone but my feeling is that Grannyrainbow's old adage about "one tale's good till the other one's told" is one we can all recognise. I find the ease with which some people put total responsibility for the unresolved anger between mother and daughter in this scenario, firmly with the mother, surprising.

Iam64, it's my wish not to be like my mother and be bitter, mean old cow. Is that plain enough?

Nina, imo, you are a very compassionate person. That's beautiful! Perhaps instead of embittering you, your own sufferings have made you more caring, understanding and forgiving. Idk. But Idk how many eps would react in that manner.

I do wonder if, maybe, you should have gone nc with your mother long ago, long before she had a chance to poison your child's mind against you.

But that's all in the past, of course. I'm just glad you've come to a place of peace and wellbeing now.

Starlady, I think maybe I should have been more careful about my mother influencing my daughter but I honestly didn't want to spoil the grandmother/grandchild relationship at the time. But it didn't happen so much when she was little, things were said when she was much older after my daughter went on a trip down memory lane. My mother did her worst then.

Because I know this, I believe my daughter is lost and confused. We used to get on but this wedge has been driven between us plus my daughter is a rebellious, unpredictable wild child so forgive her. Life is easier without her I have to be honest.
But I know once she gets to my age she'll have her regrets. While she's on benefits, I think it's because her and her partner are on low wages so they get topped up. She's not exploiting the system. Like many she's at the bottom of the rung unable to get much higher at the moment.
She'll have no pension and life will be tough.

Would I look back and look at all her mistakes and shortcomings then leave her to face her fate? Not unless I am Snow White and have never made a mistake.

My life will end with forgiveness. My daughter will know that she was loved, wanted and forgiven. The bitterness that's gone on for 3 generations in my family will end with me leaving a legacy of pure love. That's the reason I gave birth. I'm sorry it's all fallen over but it doesn't change my love for my child.

A very sad bitter story from the mothers point of view. Im only sad that the daughter didn't win the lot. Unfortunately the mother used this till the end and beyond. If I were the judge I'd have awarded it all to her due to the mother not being a fit one.

You can't possibly judge until you know the whole story and none of us can.

Oh I do judge a mother for not being a loving caring person to their child and always will. No exceptions at all. She should have got the lot due to negligence on the mothers part. Compensation after all.

Why was the mother 'not a fit one'? She looked after her daughter for 17 years. If the daughter chose to leave home at that age, it was hardly the mother's fault.

It's not a natural act for a child to detach from a parent. Neither is it a natural act for a mother to disown a child.
The mother left almost half a million pounds and left it all to animal charities. Not even a small, conciliatory amount to her daughter as an act of goodwill.
What daughter does something this bad? And what mother ends up so bitter?

As I said we cannot judge, we don't know all the facts and we never will.

When you have a child it's a life long commitment, not just for 17 years. I know that my son needed me very much in his very bewildering teens just as much as when younger.

A parent is that for life, there to guide and not judge. If anyone else thinks differently then they really shouldn't be parents.

Children are born to love their parents. It's what the parent does with that which screws it up.

We can all say what we would and would not do in the circumstances though Annsixty.

I categorically know what I do. I brought my son into this world and love him more than myself, that is how it should be. This woman damaged her child or this would never have come about.

Stillaliveandkicking, that's not always the case. Most parents try their best. Life gets in the way and circumstances can make things very difficult.
In this particular case though, I think the mothers behaviour is strange.