A difficult problem

Nannanoo, well he had his chance didn't he, it is a shame, but you have moved on a bit &therefore can't just slip back into the way things were between you.Men (usually the good ones )are indeed very silly at times, they just don't get it & are usually a step behind (as apposed to the users, who are generally players & a step ahead!) perhaps continue at your pace for awhile & see if things can be rekindled & if he doesn't show signs of being prepared to accept that then he will have to be a 'randy tenager elsewhere?Good luck

Ps, just re read your thread ,I missed the 'seeing the Dr bit! 'Arms length definitely !the cheeky monkey !

You just have to tell him bluntly that there will be no more intimacy, and if he wants to stay friendly with the odd lunch date, then settle for that, but not if he talks about his family all the time.Tbh, it's probably time for you to move on and meet somebody new.Good luck.

Tell him you are only interested in a simple, no ties, platonic relationship. If he's not happy with that and cannot accept your friendship it's time to say farewell. Don't be pressured into something you don't want.

It sounds as if he hadn't been emotionally ready to make a life with you before now, it takes men longer to adjust than women and this would have been hampered by his family putting him on a guilt trip for daring to have a life without them.
Now, time has moved on and he sounds like he is ready to make a life with you.

Time to be clear about what you want.

I had a similar experience quite recently . Lunch dates with a really kind, gentle chap who was recently widowed . The thought of a physical relationship quite honestly made me cringe so when it seemed to be going that way ( for him at least) I wrote him an email being very honest about the fact that it would never go any further than lunch dates so if he was not happy then we should call it a day ! I didn`t expect to hear from him again but actually he is happy to keep it on a platonic footing and we still meet up for lunch . I think you need to put your cards on the table and tell him how you feel , I would not be happy about him asking you to go to the DRs , cheeky devil ! but men can be very tactless sometimes . The X wife and demanding daughters may always be a problem unless he is firm with them and he may not be able to be - maybe time to move on if he is not

I agree with f77ms, have a frank conversation with him saying exactly how you feel. If he does not want the same things then it's time to leave this relationship behind. It's sad when friendships end but better that than something one sided.
Good luck

What others have said. He seems very good at telling you what he wants. Time for you to tell him what you want, and what you don't want. Good luck.

It's very rare ( in my experience ) to have a platonic relationship with a man who yoh have previously been intimate with Men often have one way brains that don't see a difference between cosy intimate one to one meals and a trip to bed that's not meant to imply all men at all but if he was used to a relationship with you his brain will have gone straight back into that mode I personally don't think you can have cosy 'dates' with him and not expect him to see this as the beckon on back to where you were
Unfortunately you may have to put distance again if you are sure you don't want him as he will hang in there with hope while you are meeting up

In answer to your question NO a platonic relationship after an intimate relationship has finished, won't work one or other will always have the hope it will return to what it once was I m sure someone will come on and tell me it worked for them but in my experience it would be rare

Can't be doing with 'silly' people of either sex.

In the words of my 5-year old GD (when her sister was dithering over how to kindly tell a boy in her class she didn't want to be his 'girlfriend') JUST TELL HIM

She'll go far that one

Anya Yes, very direct eh?

Run for the hills, seriously, you deserve better.

Thank you fellow Gransnetters for your good advice. It's remarkable how some sensible words from others can straighten out the most complicated situations.
I feel much more able to state my case now, and will be frank about my feelings. I think I shall have a glass of wine to celebrate my new confidence, and I wish I could treat you all to one!

Good for you Nannanoo!

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