Emptying the nest

It's the feeling of being made involuntarily redundant from being needed. It hurts. The time will come, however, where you see your 'last one to go' happy with their own independence and you'll look back on that previous hurt. And it will still be there. Who wants involuntary redundancy? But it will get better, I promise.

IT will be great just the two of you, time for each other and yo do all those things you couldn't because you had other commitments. Enjoy it.

My youngest, 26, left for Canada last week for two years but is going to try for residency. Although he has been away a lot before I feel this is the big move and like you I felt so sad as happy as I am for him. He has been a great support to me these last two years and I love his company.
However when I saw his room I cannot wait to get in there and clean clear it up and I love the fact the rest of the house isn't covered in his stuff!
So now I'm enjoying it just us two and dog. He sends me loads of pics of him driving across the rockies and I know how happy he is so all good, and I've already got used to daughter living in oz, and other son and two grandchildren live near by so my nest might be empty but it's quite fun sweeping out the eggshells!

When mine left home I felt the same, bereft.
I was talking to a work associate and he said 'How lucky are you? My son is disabled and I doubt he'll ever leave home'
It pulled me up short,we are lucky to feel this way,many never will. Just a thought.

I sympathise with you and thank you for making me feel normal! My son is 30 and lived with us up until three years ago got his flat with friends and it took me ages to get used to him being away hated the empty quiet house I did feel redundant even though I was working had hubby to look after . I did eventually get used to it then he came home to live for a year then gone again I've been bereft again and had to get used this alll over again!!!

I was very touched and encouraged by everyone's comments . My youngest daughter left home ten years ago this year and I've simply never gotten over this. She married a soldier so moves all over the place but I now have the chance to move near to her and her family as her husband is coming out of the army next year. How people cope when their children emigrate I simply don't know. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I don't feel quite so odd now!

It goes without saying that I love my children, but not their stuff. Both have now left home, they boomaranged back for a while, one from university and the other from a broken relationship, each time depositing "stuff" in the spare bedroom and garage, but have managed to get rid of quite a bit of it now, not all, we did take a very large amplifier to one of their houses to go with the various guitars, but alas couldn't be accommodated so back we drove with the cumbersome item,it now languishes in the garage it's not like we are ever going to use it. I don't miss messy bedrooms with dirty socks and clothes on the floor, I really like having the house free of their man caves and tidy, except when the grandchildren visit

I don't envy you. My son is 16 and wants to go hundreds of miles away to Uni. He is the last of 6 and I am dreading the day he walks out the door. I know we will remain a part of his life, just as we have the others, but I have always loved having my kids around because I mainly enjoy their company. However, it is part and parcel of being a parent and we should really be congratulating ourselves on bringing up independent adults rather than feeling bereft.

Janal Puts the 'empty nest syndrome' into a real perspective - so very sorry for your loss, heartfelt love and hugs

I was free to 'be myself' when my two sons flew the nest but they kept coming back until they finally settled down to domesticity and parenthood.I got very involved with local politics, did OU courses and still enjoyed my job in FE. Then retirement, grandchildren and joint replacement happened. But that's another story!

It's called "Empty Nest Syndrome". The last fledgling has flown from the nest so to speak. Do not despair....it's just the beginning of a new and exciting leg in this journey of life. One in which you will find unexpected freedom and new opportunities. Enjoy the ride!

I too felt terrible when my youngest left. My eldest went to the States and has stayed there and the youngest went to Canada. I was devastated and we had very little contact, due to time differences, everyone working long hours and the cost of visits. Even worse people kept telling me how I would be able to have lovely holidays with them. They were both in studio flats and the airfare alone was over a thousand pounds! All I can say is you adapt, our lives move on and I developed a good circle of my own friends and interests. Perhaps even more than I would have done if the offspring had stayed - or been local.

So sorry to read that Janal. What a shock it must have been. It does put all our empty nest feelings into perspective.
I still feel sad when my DD has been over for a few days and is leaving. And I remember being very sad when I left my mum and dad's house - when they were getting old. They both had had so much sadness in their lives. Both long gone now. We just need to appreciate what we've got don't we?

Janal that must be truly awful to lose your son in that way and I'm really sad thinking of how on earth you cope with that. My heartfelt wishes and a big hug...I hope it helps. ?

I have no experience if having an empty home. My 3 children visit several times each week, my teenage geandson luves with me and my daughter has moved back home but this time with 3 spaniels and other assorted pets.
I'd really appreciate some peace and quiet! [confused

You were obviously a loving mother, so it is natural to feel that way as most of us do when the last child leaves home.
You just have to think now you can enjoy your own life, after giving so much of your time for your children. Are there any near bye adult classes or clubs that you would like to join.

I find it diffiuclt now when saying goodbye to my youngest, who lives the other side of the globe. Either after he visits the uk or on my retnrn from NZ. The last time I couldn't help a few tears as my dear late husband has already passed away.

ugh. cap key isn't working. sorry ladies.

oh janal, how very sad. my heart breaks for you.

Thanks everyone for good wishes and sharing your experiences-I am feeling more positive now and focussing on the benefits as well as getting a better perspective.
Janal-I am so sorry for your loss.

A tip for when they are deciding to leave home is to make sure they know they are responsible for their own lives. Might sound hard, but if they go, their washing and ironing goes too. And if they return they are still responsible for it.
Another thing is to have a time limit on storage of their worldly goods.
Also look on the bright side, you will have time for doing things you may not have had time for in the past. Writing your book, painting your picture, having all manner of hobbies.

Janal, I am so sorry.

I would agree when my son left home and moved to Rugby I cried all the way back up the M1 to Wakefield and he was the youngest

I have to say that I was more upset when my 3 trotted off to nursery and school without a backward glance than when they finally moved out.
More seriously janal I was sad to read your post

Janal That was so sad for you and your family. Hugs.

We seem to be well past even the boomeranging bit now, fun while it lasted, but we feel it is how it should be with them all raising their own families, some of the GC have now left home. It can be very strange not to have to run round after the children anymore but do try and make the most of it, good luck.